farewell 2008.....

"authentic as you have become, full of wisdom, beauty and grace, enriched and enlightened by all you have experienced....." (Simple Abundance)......

have I? during 2008 & my journey this year, have I become full of wisdom, beauty and grace. Have I become enriched and enlightened by all I have experienced?. I hope so. Maybe not always but I pray that sometimes this is so. And where I have stumbled, I always have 2009 to try again.

will be doing my blessing jar today.... Krissie asked if it had worked.....

I believe it did.

on my note for 2008 I had written:

"I wish to be free from anger, I wish for joy, peace & happiness. To be open to my intuition, to let go of fear, to be healthy and to be open to my wise woman" - I do believe that these wishes have come true..... I also put on my note that I wished for "abundance, purification, vision, grounding, freedom, unity, truth, memory, love & choices......" and those, I believe have manifested as well.

I have had a wonderful 2008.. oh yes, there have been hiccoughs, I have stumbled and sometimes been in despair and wanted to give up this journey.... but with the support of each of you, my blogging kindred souls & sisters... I have persevered and I thankyou for being my friend. I have so much to be grateful for.....

1. the birth of Harry, my absolutely gorgeous grandson...

2. Soul Coaching. where I met many delightful women who were travelling similar paths to mine

3. my garden.. *sigh* what more can I say. It is truly Heaven on Earth

4. Joe. my soul mate. my rock. hard as I am on him, he continues to support and love me. Poor guy, I give him such a hard time sometimes with my anger & bitterness.. but he lets me rant and rave, patiently, silently. .... I sometimes think I am like Hyacinth "Bouquet"... and he is my ever suffering Richard.

5. YOU. I am grateful that you my dear kindred spirit have crossed my path this year. Thankyou for being you.

NAMASTE..........

and so we journey into 2009.

forget the New Year's resolutions !!

they only make you feel guilty....

last year I posted a ritual for a Sweep, Smudge and blessing Jar (by Cindi) to be placed at your door & I thought i would share it again .... mine will be taken down tomorrow night and the contents burnt... then on New Years day, I will create another for 2009.....

Sweep your main living area, entryway, or porch, to sweep out the old and allow the new to enter. Smudge around the room using a sweetgrass or sage smudging bundle and feather. Say prayers of your own choosing, in each of the four directions, east, west, north and south:

East represents "illuminocity", giving individuals the ability to see all that is around them from a spiritual perspective.
West represents the inner heart and soul.
North represents knowledge, wisdom and purification of the heart, mind and soul. South represents the physical self.

Say a prayer of thanksgiving, and ask your spirit guides for safety, security and direction for the coming year.

Make a blessing jar...
Into a vase, jar or bottle (which symbolizes protection) put a small bag of soil (for abundance), a coin (for prosperity), a fabric bag of salt (for purification), a crystal (for vision), an arrowhead (for guidance), a tiny fabric bag of herbs (for grounding), a left over candle (for focus), a cross (for balance), a feather (for freedom), a clipping of hair from each family member (for unity), an old key (for opportunity), a small mirror (for truth), a piece of red paper (for memory), a small fabric bag of raw rice (for fertility), a ring (for love), a runestone (for communication), a shell (for choices), a small fabric bag of loose tea (for awareness), a small paper folded fan (for healing), a rubber band (for flexibility), a letter that contains this list and what you hope to accomplish this year, sealed inside an envelope (for happiness)

You need not have everything on this list, select what is important to you.

Seal the jar with the lid, or cover the bottle or vase with a piece of fabric and a rubberband or string. Place your blessing jar either just inside or outside your front door until next New Years Eve...

Feel free to share this ritual - the more blessing jars, smudging and rituals performed around the world the stronger the positive energy is for all...

so this is christmas.. Boxing Day... the ramblings of a bitter old woman (tongue in cheek)

Boxing Day. I am thinking that this day got its name because the day after christmas, I feel like boxing everyones ears. I am so over it, bah humbug, yes call me Scrooge

I have absolutely no idea what christmas is about. at all. getting together with family is wonderful at any other time of year... take my mother for instance. Love her of course. But I do not like her chosen partner at all. Not my dad.. he died many years ago, but the pompous, arrogant, old man who she took up with 20 years ago. And please do not say to look at him and see what he is mirroring to me. Because i won't take one bit of notice of that train of thought at all. Plus, when he goes to the toilet, he wees all over the seat... lord, that is more than anyone needs to know.
but not only is he arrogant and pompous, he is also, well just an awful man. He constantly belittles my mum and makes her feel inferior. I hate that. But I bite my tongue so that he won't take it out on her.

I always do a breakfast for friends on christmas morning.... all very civilized, Usually. but not this year, because my mother and her 'friend' decided to come up........so I set the table as I usually do...

I served my usual christmas breakfast: fruit compote that I cook the night before, yoghurt, fresh fruit platter and scrambled eggs, field mushrooms and vine ripened tomatoes... along with juice, tea and coffee and of course eggnog with brandy and nutmeg.... but I forgot the marmalade and I did not hear it once.. I heard it many times... until dinner time... where I served baked leg ham, lamb, sweet potatoes in brown sugar, a layered salad and smashed potatoes....pavlova for dessert topped with raspberries, blueberries, passionfruit and banana... but I did not serve plum pudding and he complained to anyone who would listen. every one went home and i was left to wash up, vacuum the floor and wash it as well... maybe I am anal but I could not stand to go to bed, leaving the floor like it was. People seem to miss putting the food in their mouth on christmas day. The run around like demented people, spilling their drinks while i am in the kitchen with water if I am lucky...... waking at 5am this morning, I immediately sent a text message: next year christmas will be celebrated at a local restaurant. not argument will be entered into about my decision. thankyou xo -

I am totally over it. I am. 34 years I have done this. And i am finished. done.... yes, I think right now could be the star in "bitter Old Women" - but truly, I am laughing about this... all of my ramblings are tongue in cheek & I am laughing at it all... it is just all madness......

that all said and done.... this morning I was woken with the delightful song of the blackbird... all is really well in my world

Happy Holidays!

yes, I can say Happy Holidays.. no seasonal conotations at all and it is OUR summer holidays down here, so I think it is the perfect greeting for me to say...
today I run round like a mad woman, not the wise woman that I strive to be... I run to buy Brandy Butter, more cream. Vegetables and fruit. Yoghurt to go with the fruit compote that I serve at breakfast on Christmas day. I go to the butchers to collect my ham, I finish wrapping presents and i order one dozen sausages just in case the 9kg ham is not enough. Just in case.....

a little corner of my world brings peace back into my soul every time i walk in the back door.....
yesterday I had my hair coloured... my youngest daughter Sophie is now a hairdresser and has just passed a hair colouring exam receiving top marks.. so I asked her to colour my hair... it is still dark but now I have purple foils... love it.. kind of goes with the tattoo... no photos yet....

blogging without obligation, another award! and a little bit of 'christmas' from Inglewood.....

first of all.. blogging without obligation... right now, each and every one of us is busy, frazzled and some of us, near demented... I am trying to visit blogs but I may not get to visit all my friends.. so please don't think I have forgotten you.. I am just busy.. as well as getting ready for 'christmas', I also have to look after my garden in this summer heat & rain that alternates lately.. and I know every one of us is busy so if you can't get to visit.. that is ok. Don't stress. We will all catch up after the silliness is all over xoxo ....

Jamie gave me an award - I am so honoured that this wise woman chose my blog thankyou Jamie xo a blog award from the gorgeous Jamie - who to pass this on to? I am thinking.....

and last but not least, I will leave you with a couple of photos... more to come tomorrow, I hope. but for now, here is my token 'christmas' - 'tree' :-

I just cannot bear to even wrap in a yule tide theme.. so I searched for something summery & bright... lime green paper and brightly coloured ribbon.... and a card that simply says 'have a magickal Midsummer'..... most of my friends here, just don't get it.

ahhh Midsummer

the very first thing that I heard this morning when I woke was the blackbird, singing it's little heart out and is still going right now as I type. The blackbird as you know, I believe is a sign from Daisy. A blackbird singing at Midsummer. Daisy's favourite time of year - a sign perhaps? a magickal sign? it gladdens my heart when the blackbird visits... . We are off to do our last minute christmas shopping today, to buy gifts for those people who insist on wishing me a wonderful Christmas.. I feel like screaming. I wandered around the garden early this morning and thought i would leave you with some photos.....














for those of you who live below the Equator, have a wonderful Midsummer, full of magick.... and for those in the Northern Hemisphere a blessed Winter Solstice xoxo.... later today, make sure you visit FaeryLand for a special surprise!!

I open my arms....

each morning, I welcome the new day, using the words from Denise Linn: 'I open my arms to the glory of this new day. I ask that the Goddess be with me this day, to guide me and so that love may fill me and flow through me'..... I connect myself to spirit and earth - with a cord, like a beanstalk running down from my soul star deep into Mother Earth....... this morning, as i was sitting there, with my hands in prayer postition, I looked out the window at the big gum tree up the road and the sun was sparkling through the leaves, bouncing off the eucalypt oil, sending twinkles of bright light - so sparkly, like the whole tree was alive with little faery lights... it was magickal.... as if the faeries were letting me know that yes, they were here. In Australia. Our very own faeries of the eucalypt tree. Waking up in readiness for Midsummer......and as I sat, looking, not wanting that moment of magick to stop, I was grateful. Deeply grateful.....

as I said, it seems that we do have our own faeries here in Australia.... it has been spoken about in FaeryLand.... through the portal and into the Enchanted Forest - don't forget to click on the birdie's back!

leading up to Midsummer

I woke early this morning and went into my garden, to water and as i turned the hose on, a magpie greeted me with his divine carolling.... there were butterflies galore, the warm days must be helping them to escape their cocoons in readiness to greet Midsummer which is coming up on Sunday - flitting around the garden, fluttering around and around me... ... and while all this was happening, I was standing in the most magickal perfume of the gardenias. Pure and absolute bliss... I am sure this is what heaven must smell like. A true summer perfume. I was in awe of Mother Nature.. forgiving her for the destruction she had wreaked upon my garden last week

I am puttering around my home today, putting up some of the obligatory Christmas decorations - very simple with lots of candles. And my tree this year is a Camellia. I bought it on Sunday and have some divine fabric rose lights to put in the branches.. then a few birdies that I am yet to make and it will be done. Tonight we are off to the city of Sydney with our children and grandchildren, to see the shop window display and the Christmas tree in Martin place....

is it beginning to look like Christmas? well, yes I guess so... I must find a way to accept that Christmas is now... but it is just wrong to celebrate this in summer. The coming of the sun? that is at winter solstice... but I won't go on about it any longer.. I am beginning to sound like a broken record

On Monday, I spent 4 hours in the garden, tidying up. It was like a meditation. My plants survived... a little worse for wear but they were tended and loved yesterday. I gave them a feed of my bio dynamic comfrey tea, trimmed their broken bones, tied them up and loved them and yes, there are more flowers and fruit forming.. the whole while I did this, a blackbird sat in my ancient apple tree and sang.


a big thankyou to: Tori - an amazing 18 year old young woman. who has given me this friendship award. I feel blessed and honoured that she thinks that my blog is an inspiration.... I am not good at choosing who to give these to, so I would like to give it to each and every person who visits Inglewood, you make me smile with your comments and your words help me on my journey. xo

how can I make my Liver smile ? or do I need a dose of cod liver oil

when I was little, you could always, always count on this time of year being very warm to hot... so you planted tomatoes, cucumbers & zucchinis, beans and other summer vegetables.. knowing that the warmth would help them to grow.... but the past few years the weather has been, well lets say, different. Odd. You cannot count on the seasons as we knew them. a few months ago, I planted my tomato plants and bean seeds. Then it rained for days on and off.. cold, misty rain. Cold enough to light the fire. And the tomatoes sat, doing nothing, thinking it was winter.. and the beans stayed snug beneath the earth.. warm and safe from the unseasonal cold. Then it was hot for a few days.. hot and humid and of course I complained but the tomatoes started to produce fruit and ripen.. the beans sprouted and started to grow. Then it rained some more.... torrential rain.... and cold. Tomatoes and beans need warmth and sun to grow and with this kind of weather.. well they are not doing too good..... Yesterday, I spent hours in my garden - tying up my tomato plants securely, so that they would be supported as they grow, picking up the millions of gum sticks from my garden - enjoying it so much after days of rain... I even harvested my first two zucchinis! last night the wind started. Destructive wind. Gusts of wind, whipping through my garden - I woke this morning to total devastation. My tomato plants have snapped off, my zucchini leaves have twisted and turned in the wind and now hang limply, the small developing fruits laying on the ground. Apples strewn across the lawn. And I could cry. Right now i hate Mother Nature for what she has done. I am angry. Angry enough to shake my fist at the elements.

And of course wind affects the liver... and when the liver is out of balance, I get angry. And not just angry at the weather, I get angry at everyone.. my poor Joe.. he really cops it, I walk around like I have black cloud hanging over my head ......stamping and muttering. It is quite laughable really. except that I am not a nice person when I am angry and I don't like that at all.

I remember my grandmother saying (when someone was angry) that they needed a dose of cod liver oil.. as they were suffering from SOL... which I found out later if in life, meant shit on the liver... and of course now i know what that really means.. so do I need to race out and buy some cod liver oil and take a spoonful.. not something that I really want to do, but I will try anything to rid myself of this anger... *sigh* I was doing so well after Soul Coaching.....anyhow, I wish to make my liver smile again... I remember reading in Eat, Love, Pray about smiling in the liver.... I wonder how I can do that??

i don't feel like i BELONG ~ the ancestors have heard and now they take me on another soul journey....

oh! the way my ancestors & soul self are working!!!

this is a journey that I never expected to take.... one that has not bothered me until now. This could turn into a controversial post, it is not meant to be.. some Australians don't even think about what I write below, it doesn't bother them at all, it is not an issue for them... which of course is fine.. but it does bother me, this feeling of not belonging and I don't even expect my international friends to understand what I am writing about... this post is for me to sort out things that have come up in the past few weeks... and I choose to put my thoughts down here ...

a few hundred years ago, people were sailing all around the world to find new lands, to discover new territories, to conquer the world. I guess it was part of the Big Plan.... and Australia was discovered by the English/Dutch?? - never know which... and promptly settled.... and of course the indigenous people were here when they arrived... So much happened in those years... awful things that I won't go into as this post is not about that... but there are big issues here in Australia, concerning what happened.. bigger than huge as one of my friends has put it... but this is not a history lesson and heaven forbid that it become political ... all this is, is this girls search to belong......

1958 - a baby girl came into the world. .. born in Australia.... probably wondering what the hell she was doing here.... but it was all planned and this life was for her to journey in this country, to find her roots and her belonging.... introducing ME.

I am not Indigenous Australian, but I am native Australian - 7th generation Australian, on one branch of my tree

NATIVE: born in a particular place or country....yes, that is me.

being brought up in a white community and being told by teachers at school and many community members, that the whites were better than the aboriginals, that the aboriginals were 'savages'...well, sadly i believed it. AND I AM ASHAMED OF THAT..(I am also a little afraid of the aboriginals, I don't know how to relate to them.. don't know what to say.. I have no idea why.. maybe years of collective guilt and shame - I need to work through all of this, and I will ).... As I went through my teen years, I didn't think much of it at all.. just got on with life and what life presented to me. I yearned for England, knowing that is where some my ancestors came from... thinking that if I found my connection, then I would find home... I found my connection in Cornwall, as many of you know back to the 14th century.... and something settled in my spirit but I still felt that I did not connect with this ancient land that I was born to..... I was still restless, lost.

just lately, dreams and meditations began to take a different road... I dreamed of the land, I started to walk in the bush, absorbing the energies, falling in love with the environment here.. loving the flowers and native birds.... all of which I hated as a younger woman. I dreamed of my childhood and all those things of Australia that I loved when I was a child.. heaven forbid, I even started to defend my country in conversation!! It is like I am absorbing the energy of Australia at last, something in me is awakening...like the land is calling me...

And then one day a few weeks ago, while I was in my garden, I realised that I must be CONNECTED to the land, because if I wasn't, then my garden would not flourish like it did... so what was missing??? what was this yearning that I still felt?

And of course the media don't help at all.. saying that the white people are invaders.. in a way I guess they were.... but that attitude reinforced my belief that I didn't belong here.......In my journal, I was asking questions like: why do I feel like a trespasser? Is it not my land too?

I meditated some more...heard voices...I dreamed of making a medicine bag, I was given the gift of a Magpie totem..... and then an invitation to a women's initiation ceremony....I was on the back of the bike the other day, riding through areas that I grew up in, the land of the Dharug people and as I looked out into the bush as we rode by, I felt a welcoming spirit, like the trees were calling me and I began to feel a stirring of belonging, that the ancestors of the land were ok with me being here.. a friend put a book into my hands, written by an Australian man..Peter Read, not much older than I am and the book is called 'Belonging' ~ all about his childhood and how he felt like he didn't belong.. like he was intruding and about his journey through that.... and as I read it, i realised that it wasn't a connection that I was searching for.. it was a belonging....I wanted to feel & believe that I belong here.... and so my journey begins.....

starting Midsummer.. I am planning on doing a ritual at a Sacred Women's place not far from where I live, a place that I only found out about last week from a friend... she told me of this magickal area where women can go... called Minnehaha Falls... a place where I can ask forgiveness for what I had believed, to let go of notions of not being welcome and to allow myself to belong... then I am going to journey some more... which will be my journey of belonging.

a magpie totem ~ more on my medicine bag

on Monday, Joe and I went for a walk - we decided to do the round walk in Katoomba because it is a lovely walk through the bush, down stairs, along paths and past the witches leap. It is a favourite walk of ours.

as I walked along the track, I saw a magpie feather and fleetingly thought that I should pick it up, but I didn't and kept walking.. a few steps along, Joe pointed out that he had just seen a magpie feather and I again debated in my head whether to go back and get it... deciding to, I turned around and went to get it.... as I walked along, holding it, I knew in my soul that it was the first item for my medicine bag that I had been instructed to create for myself.

a few nights previously, I was meditating and heard that MAGPIE was one of my totems. I hadn't remembered this until I read back through my journal and saw where I had written it... I had questioned this as Magpie wasn't something i had even thought of as my totem until a friend pointed out to me that I am often accompanied by magpie while gardening...... it is yet another sign of my connecting and belonging to this wild land..... magpie is native to Australia.
a beautiful bird - every morning I hear them carolling to herald the new day.

and what does Magpie mean? according to Scott Alexander King, an australian animal totem author: being ready to walk a path of the heart to find a place of inner fredom..and helps you to turn your weaknesses into strengths.

oh my ! it's that time again !! .....and what has been happening at Inglewood while I have been on sabbatical

yes! December 1st and the portal to Faery Land is open.... only for the month of December.. so follow this link and be whisked away to a land of Mystery & Magick ----->the portal to the Enchanted Forest

ahh the Onion, like a Health Spa for the soul.. journeying through the month of November with many, many wise & inspirational women... discovering a little more about my Soul self & finding that I am a wise women, a wild one at that!

you see, I now have tattoo.. yes, last week I went and had my tattoo done - on the top of my arm.. I chose a Celtic tree of life to honour my Cornish ancestry... the tattoo artist asked if I was Irish - so I then proceeded to say 'no.. not all celtic people are Irish..' then I named all the Celtic countries so that she was informed... I walked into the tattoo parlour quaking in my boots ('cept they were Converse) - felt like a real baby.. hell, the past 10 years I have had more needles than my vintage pincushion and here i am being afraid of a tattoo needle?

the baby sparrows have hatched out and are now being taught to fly by Mum & Dad Sparrow (I wonder if they are related to Capt. Jack??).... it is so funny. If they see me anywhere near, the freeze and stop chirping.. trying to pretend they are not there.. then when they think I am not watching, mum jumps on the baby's back, flaps her wings wildly and then allows baby to fly by herself.. they are so sweet.

the blackbird continues to visit me, sitting in the apple tree singing away!! Daisy is letting me know that life is wonderful, all we need to do is sing and be grateful that we are alive...and not worry about anything that we cannot change

I have started to feel a strong connection to Australia - finding my roots and planning on somekind of ritual that I can take to a Sacred space and connect.... I struggle with this... as many of you know. But last week, I had a dream that i am to make a medicine bag.. i even was instructed on how to do this - using leaves & different dirt and stones to decorate.. then when I am walking, I will find what I am to put into it.. this will be part of my connection to Australia.

My garden is struggling - the weather is very, very odd. A few weekends ago, we had snow. The beginning of summer and it snows. No wonder my beans and cucumbers are struggling. But that is gardening. You can never predict the weather...

Christmas coming up but as most of you know - I struggle with this too... so even though we will celebrate Christmas, I am going to put a Midsummer slant on it...as of course I must! It's good to be back at Inglewood.. I feel so fresh and sparkly.

and in the words of one of my favourite wise women:

{from Daisy's blog}

about Harry

isn't he so cute??

Just a little update on Harry - remember a few months back when he was very ill? Well after many tests and an MRI (poor little mite) - the paediatrician has discovered that his left kidney is not formed properly and is only working at 28% - the other one is healthy. Eventually the unformed kidney will shrivel and be absorbed by the body. This is quite common in boys, apparently.. (but it makes me wonder how healthy a mother has to be to have healthy children... my daughter was totally organic before and during her pregnancy)

he is now 8mths old!!

and another photo cause I am totally besotted by this gorgeous little boy...

until the end of November

I have decided to take a break from here at Inglewood during November, while I travel the Soul Coaching journey.

Oh yes, I had all good intentions of posting here but Soul Coaching is taking alot out of me.

However, please do come visit (link is above), cause I am posting about my day and garden sometimes...
Otherwise, I will see you December 1st - here and also at the Land of Magick.. remember? It re-opens for December and Midsummer here in the Southern Hemisphere... spread the word!! xoxo

HAVE A SPLENDIFEROUS DAY, DAISY!!

FROM HER BLOG in 2006: 'I have had such a splendiferous [is that a real word? well it is now] day'.....

"today my birthday..... I just have to share it with you. It was not a day of thrills and great new excitements. Just a perfect day, in the words of the song. I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it and all its small pleasures. A perfect way to spend a birthday.....The sun was shining, the sky was the brightest blue and there was not a breath of wind........The countryside was just perfect, full of beautiful trees with orange, yellow and copper leaves pressed up against a completely cloud free intense blue sky. The hedges packed with beautiful red berries such as rosehips. Not a cold day, just perfect for a jumper and gilet, and, of course, my magic hat ....."

soul coaching

for the month of November, I am working through the book Soul Coaching along with many other bloggers... i have set up a new blog... I will be posting there everyday about my journey and thoughts... come visit if you wish:
the onion

but I will still be posting here, at Inglewood, every few days ...

blessed Beltane at Woodford, ya gotta laugh

Today, I guess is traditionally Beltane eve.. I woke early this morning to race out and wash my face in the early morning dew (you see, this is a traditional thing to do at Beltane.. well it was for my ancestors apparently)... I brushed my hands through the wet grass and proceeded to wipe over my face.... then realised that it had not been a good idea, hayfever season, clover is out and I started sneezing... ahh well.. I guess my ancestors had a reason to do this... I don't need to.

I then walked around my garden, just noticing what was going on and decided to tie my tomato plants up and bless each one for Beltane...' bless you little tomato plant on this Beltane day' holding my hands over each plant.. thinking of how many tomatoes I will be gathering in summer.

I had planned on having a huge bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, with lashings of milk and brown sugar. .. of course, life had other plans. When I opened my fridge, it was warm as was my freezer.. it seemed my fridge/freezer had decided to depart this world at Beltane.. obviously confused like I am.. maybe Mr Fridge thought it was Samhain... anyhow, all my frozen food was melted - chicken breasts, meat, icecream... milk was warm & butter was soft. So I had to proceed to clean out my fridge, throwing food out and all the while wondering what I was going to have for breakfast... thank heavens I had bought some oatcakes the day before.. so I had them with honey(no butter mind you, that was melted). Not the most delicious meal I have had but at least it was something on my tummy.. before i went to have my massage...

as I drove down the road, there were signs all over the place announcing that today is a 'total fire ban'.. the day proceeded to get hotter and hotter, temps reaching in the high 30's. The wind howled, trees bending in the wind, garbage bins rolling up the road, branches & sticks were blowing all over the place, people driving like absolute maniacs, like they had just been let out of hell & were in a hurry to get somewhere, ambulances on the side of the road tending to children who were suffering heat stroke, old ladies walking up the road looking very cross in the heat. it was as if the world had gone completely insane, the energy was wild, out of control..... yes, welcome to Beltane in Australia.

.. I had wonderful plans for this day but it all went haywire.. I was going to do spring lamb for dinner...champagne with sweet wood ruff & decorate my home with candles & flowers everywhere, I was going to tie ribbons on the ancient apple tree, I was going to walk around and bless my yard. But by how today went, I think the Universe is trying to tell me something. The day was crazy, very odd, it was too hot to be doing much at all. Oh I did get my bowl of water and floated some flowers in it & my blackbird did come and sit in the apple tree and sing for me...... but Maybe I need to honour how my ancestors celebrated the seasons while also having my own little traditions to suit my own life... after all this is Australia.

later tonight, I will sit quietly and do a card reading and maybe my ancestors will come by to be with me. who knows.

new moon in Woodford ~ wise woman & a soul painting...

today is New Moon at 10.13am precisely...a gorgeous drizzly raining spring day... just like a New Moon should be... still, waiting, until She bursts forth into her waxing period to Full Moon

a time for letting go of destructive habits.... as I sat last night in Sacred Space, I pondered how I could let go of this anger, frustration and doubting my search.... and this came to me:
the doubt and questioning of my spiritual journey and beliefs is actually my ego sabotaging me and putting the doubts and fears there... it is important for me to cleanse & rid myself of these negative feelings and thoughts or else, i won't move forward through it. Look upon it as a test, a challenge. Continue to meditate, journal and spend time with your wise women friends. Even if it becomes tiresome and difficult and you begin to doubt yourself.. KEEP GOING !! When you feel or see these thoughts coming, stop and turn them away - journal them away... you are away of them now and it will be easier.
so today, I will sit with a cup of tea and do a letting go ritual..

a few months ago, I did a workshop called 'Paint your canvas' - I went along not really knowing what to expect. Not having done art in my life, I was a little nervous... but the teacher was wonderful. We meditated, we chanted and we played... and over the weeks, a painting emerged on my canvas. I would dream of it and was instructed on what to do as i dreamed.. to put netting on her cloak, to make her dress a vibrant red, to use an old button as a clasp.... I had seen this woman, many, many times but could not get her out in anyway. It is a painting of myself or my Guardian in a past life...... Yesterday at our wise woman gathering, I saw her in meditation.. sitting quietly... gathering mistletoe berries.... she is guiding me to peacefullness..
After this painting was done, was the time my yearning for connection, my desire to visit Cornwall started to diminish.......

Once a fortnight, I go to a gathering of women, there are only five of us and we work through Women who run with the Wolves.. yesterday we made a dream catcher and once it is cleansed and smudged, I am going to hang it on my door at Beltane. I used ivy & string and spun a web while we chatted about our journeys. I weaved shells and sticks that I had gathered and a feather that I found once while walking. I think gatherings like this are truly missed by women of our time.. once upon a time we sat around fires in circles, sharing our knowledge... I am blessed that this circle has come to me at this time. I have yearned for it for so long.

believing in something bigger.. believing in help from beyond - a waffling post once again....

I have been away at our Gypsy Caravan by the sea.. having a glorious time meditating beside the water, completely alone and in complete silence..

I don't know where this train of thought comes from but early this morning I realized that I don't 'truly' believe in God. Or rather, I don't really think that God is there to help us on our journey.. (please remember that these thoughts below are very early morning thoughts and sometimes they ramble....like trying to sort stuff out)

Oh yes, I make lip service to something bigger than I am.. I waffle on about having faith but deep down in my very soul - I believe I am here without support from a God, Goddess, angels, ancestors or spirit guides.... when something happens in my life, or when I need support or answers I ask for help from whoever i think of, but deep down, I don't really believe that i will get help, I look for signs of help from ancestors or angels.. like feathers or fragrances or even a bird or animal when or if they come, I pass it off as co-incidence.. sometimes I even try to convince myself that it is all real by telling all who will listen about it but still deep in my heart there is not that strong believing faith... I kind of think I must sort things or problems, out for myself... I also forget to ask for help alot of the time.. ... and I want this to change.

I want to remember that when a problem or issue arises that there is help from beyond and I want to believe that this is true. When I want help for my frustrations or anger with life, I want to believe and have faith that it is all being taken care of and I want to be able to let it go with complete faith. I just want to KNOW and FEEL that Laura, Hilary or my Nan are there for me. I want to totally believe that Mary Magdalene or Isis do truly care for me and are there always... and why worry about all of this anyhow? Why do I constantly ponder spiritual stuff.. when my friends are interested in cake & coffee mornings, I search for the meaning of life.. while my friends go on shopping sprees I look for the Goddess... while my friends go to movies for a girls night out, I sit and meditate... why ?? I am a tad tired of it, I tell you but i cannot change or stop...... I do believe that this is my soul purpose this time round..
(this is where I cannot wait to read comments, because i know that YOU - my wise women friends will always help me through yet another part of my spiritual journey xo)

so, now that is all out..

Beltane is almost upon us.. this Friday 31st October.. and i have a divine day planned for Joe and myself - will tell more later this week... my garden is doing really well. I have tadpoles in my pond, my potatoes are thriving and I have new herbs to plant out this week.

Tomorrow I go to my wise woman gathering and we are making dream catchers.. and I am thinking of starting belly dancing this term...life is full & busy for me, I am revelling in it! I am in a very nice 'place' right now... I love it... even though I still 'search' & sift through my thoughts.. I am not out of control like I was.. I am more settled... even though I still have these thoughts like my above ramblings.. I am at peace..

a conscious decision and probably a shock to many

I admit for years I have desperately wanted to discover my roots, to fly halfway across the world.. to trace where I actually come 'from'.

I have recently read that plane travel contributes in a large way to green house gases & I have started to question the ethics of plane travel....I suppose I could tell all who will listen that i have compost bins and i plant trees to offset the greenhouse affect of my air travel, similar that the likes of Bono and Madonna do..but that just does not cut it for me.. nor am I rich and famous, so really, I can't use that excuse, now can I? Or I could tell myself that the world is in such a sad and sorry way that my little bit of air travel won't make a whole lot of difference anyhow. Or I could be completely and utterly selfish and think, who cares?.. and just go.
BUT -
I am here in this vast ancient land, mostly unexplored by me... I have my homeland to travel around and yet to discover, the land that I was born to, to see many natural wonders that, so far, I have only read about. We have ancient sacred sites such as Uluru and Kata Tjuta (the Olgas).. we have rainforests where our nature spirits live... we have Sacred Aboriginal sites where I can sit, we have our bush where I can walk and trees that have been here since time began.

I found this when I did a search for Sacred sites in Australia: In Central NSW extensive megalithic stone alignments and other astronomical structures dating back 10 000 to 15 000 years and which suggests the former presence in Australia of a highly advanced civilization of unknown origin. These structures include standing stones weighing 20 tons and carved stone heads. The heads were found near mysterious stone alignment and other formations.
I can make flower essences from our native plants and I can use our very own crystals that are found nowhere else in the world. I am beginning to feel like I belong here.....
SO
I have decided to 'postpone' my trip to Cornwall.. I have lost the desire to walk the land of my ancestors, I don't know why this has happened but I feel a need to find myself here in this land that I was born to and the option to travel to England is always there for me if I ever want or need to. Is it the right decision? I don't know, but I have to follow my inner guidance.

happening at Inglewood - my potatoes are up, my tomatoes are in and I have zucchini, ruby chard and rhubarb all growing nicely. I hope to put beans and cucumbers in this weekend. We have a family of sparrows in one of my birdhouses and last week, I had a magpie accompany me nearly all day while I gardened... she sat with me as I weeded and dug... I am indeed blessed in this life...

yes, I am back... dealing with stuff and trying to love myself (simply, the mutterings of a mad woman)

I am home safe n sound.. have been for a few days but I have been dealing with 'issues' that arose from things that happened on the trip....I don't like that I sent anger and negativity out into the Earth.... She does not need it.. there is enough grey energy around without me adding to it.. so now I must sit and meditate sending love & peace out and work through stuff. The past few days I have realized that I don't love or appreciate myself and now I am working on that as well... I am dreadfully hard on myself and it is time to cherish the wonderful person that I am... to work on and heal issues that I have....

we rode through my ancestors country.. and I truly felt them around me. It was an amazing experience to be on the back of the bike, seeing huge trees and feeling as one with them, feeling my ancestors there with me. I don't think I could ever explain exactly how it felt. Connected and belonging. I thought of my great-grandmother, Viola and how she had fallen in love with & married a fettler on the railways and was banished from the family for 'marrying down'.. I saw her as a young girl, falling in love with someone 'beneath her'.... thinking he was the man of her dreams.. sadly, he ended up an abusive alcoholic.. a very sad life for her.

all in all the time away was fun - we saw lots of gorgeous magickal rainforests, I decided to have a tattoo and am now in the process of choosing a design - heavily leaning towards a Celtic Tree of Life and maybe a small Daisy (although I think I will save that til I get to Cornwall, SweetPea had one done when she scattered Daisies ashes)..... I danced to a rock band at a night concert and ate lots of yummy food... so the time was not all bad.....

my garden here at Inglewood is an absolute delight right now... the ancient apple tree is incredible - so many blooms and the buzzing of the bees can be heard inside!!

my Rhubarb is huge right now and my citrus is also laden with flowers... my lilac is in full bloom too. I think this must be the best it has ever been. I adore the perfume of Lilac... kinda takes me back somewhere.

I am really looking forward to starting 'Soul Journey' with Jamie in November and have created a new blog for it.. will put a link soon.

My dear friend Mari-Nanci has discontinued comments :

"PLEASE READ... Thank you
Comments have been discontinued on my blogs, for a while.

I hope no one will be offended by this.

I need to spend less time on the Net. My choice.

And I couldn't expect people to comment on my blogs, when I'm not returning those comments, in their blogs. :-)"

and I am thinking of doing the same... blogging takes up alot of time and I am in Spring Cleaning & Gardening mode as well as needing to spend alot more time on my spiritual life..... still not sure what to do.... however if you come one day and find comments disabled please understand the reasons...

tomorrow

October 1st is the Feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux - the little flower..... many years ago, when I decided that Catholicism was the way for me to go, I was told that I needed to choose a Saint's name that I could use for my confirmation name - Therese was one of the most Catholic names that I could think of, so I chose St. Therese, not really knowing alot about her.... I read a few stories about her.. still not really grasping what she was about. And I still don't.... however, she became familiar to me, through the many statues and pictures that seemed to come my way over the years. I never looked for them, but they popped up into my life at the oddest places and times.. so I bought them. Until one day it seemed like I had an obsession with the Saint and I truly had to stop buying more... Sometimes when I would walk in the bush, I would smell roses .. and i immediately thought of her and realized that she was with me, for whatever reason. To give me comfort, support or maybe to let me know that I was never alone....
then I was diagnosed with cancer and I turned to her and begged her to help me.... not really believing that she could, but I was desperate. When I had to go to hospital for part of my treatment, I was allowed to decorate the room for the duration of my stay and I took a large picture of my Saint and hung it on the wall at the foot of my bed and I looked into her eyes as the treatment was given. Gaining strength from her loving eyes... When her relics visited Australia, I lined up for hours just to touch the casket and when i did, it was like I was frozen to the spot. I knew the line should keep moving, but I just could not move. It was like an electrical current was going up through my hands and through my body and it was as if I was in a trance. THAT is the moment that i knew I was healed........

nowadays, I don't follow the Catholic religion, although I still love the traditions... but St Therese is still in my life. I have statues of her on my altars and I light candles in front of her when I meditate.... when I look at her now, I am reminded of my connection to the Divine. I realize that she is with me to help me on my path, wherever it may lead. I feel absolute pure love coming to me from her.

my garden here at Inglewood is absolutely divine at the moment. The ancient apple tree is in full bloom once again, promising yet another bountiful harvest. My potatoes are up, so now is the time to plant the next batch which I hope to do today.

Tomorrow, I am going away for 5 days on the back of the Harley no less! We are riding up the north coast to attend a rally. The best part of the time away will be our ride to Nimbin and Mullumbimby - Hippy Heaven. I cannot wait!!! so dear blogging friends - have a wonderful feast day tomorrow.. will see you when i come home xo

Spring is here !!

this morning - an early wander through my garden, in the light drizzle of rain... to see if my snail barriers had worked on my beans (yes, they did!!) ~ first day of spring and it is raining... but it is the light springtime rain, with no hint of coldness that our winter rain had this year... just that delicious spring fresh smell, rain that lightly waters the garden, helping the seeds to burst forth. And you know, this rain was also helping my soul to burst forth, helping my soul to connect with Earth once more. And I loved it!

I did a little spring cleaning today.. only one room. Seeing as my home is probably much larger than my ancestors homes, I need to pace myself with the Spring Cleaning and do one room at a time... so now the Sacred Healing Room is done for the year.... smudged, blessed and some new witches balls and prayer flags hung over the door and windows. I have started back at doing healings - not alot but a few people have requested it.. I get so nervous, wondering if I am doing it 'right' - but I know i have to trust - remembering that it is not me doing the healing.. but I still get nervous...

I took a walk around my garden to talk with the flowers - calendula - brightening me day each time I walk outside my back door, thankyou for the brilliant orange that balances my sacral chakra... Bluebells- as I look at them I feel balanced, peace & comfort. Tiny pink geraniums, touched my heart.. they looked exactly like a chakra flower, five petals with deep pink stamens... what a wonderful way to balance chakras..with flowers. I wonder if that is what Hildegarde of Bingen did.. I read once that she healed with things from nature...

"One who is oversensitive to the remarks of others is constantly irritating the heart. Concentrating on materialistic rather than spiritual matters, such as money-making or money-losing, creates turmoil instead of peace. Confront anger and other negative thought patterns. Release your negative energy and develop a spiritual attitude. And take the parsley-honey wine!"
.. so I did a search for parsley-honey wine, I think I might make some, I have plenty of parsley and I can buy organic honey at the co-op. I love making things like this, it makes me feel like I am a true wise woman.. healing myself with things of nature:
To make parsley wine
combine 10 - 12 large sprigs of parsley with 1 quart of red or white wine and 2 teaspoons of white-wine vinegar.
Boil for 10 minutes then add 9 ounces of honey. Strain the mixture and pour into bottles.
Take 1 Tbsp. Three times a day is said to keep the blood circulating

I really do feel the energy of Spring! Have a blessed and magickal day... and I hope your day is full of fripparies... cause it sure sounds like a spring word to me!

Spring Equinox eve....

light a purple or violet candle and burn patchouli incense. Carry them both through the house, and say:

Farewell to wintry spirits and friends;
On morrow we greet the spirits of spring.
Our blessings to thee as your way we wend;
And merry we'll meet next winter again.

Blow out the candle and say:
Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again

so what has been happening in Inglewood these past weeks? LOTS!!.... I have planted my beans & some Ruby chard, mulched most of my gardens, made a chickweed tincture, celebrated Full Moon with my wise woman circle, which I must say was amazing. My tomatoes are ready to go into their summer home, I just have to get the bins ready. I have turned compost and sorted out my store room. I have journalled and meditated and I have dreamed and I think I am ready to come back to blogging...... I still play with facebook, it is a little lighthearted fun. oh and I have a frog in my pond!!!

remembering....

IMAGINE

I am taking a little time away from here... not long, just a few days. I am tired.. a real soul tiredness and I can't seem to find the energy to write about my life... nor can I find the energy to visit other blogs and then my responsible Capricorn self starts to feel guilty about neglecting my friends (but I do promise that I haven't forgotten any of you & will be over to your blog very soon).....
I think the best thing to do is take time away..

all I can seem to do lately is waste time on facebook... it is a mindless task but fun...
my home is an absolute mess.... clean but very untidy, cluttered and it is time for me to get into it and clean it all.... when it is like this I feel out of control in my soul...maybe the winter blinkers have been taken off and I am seeing my home with fresh new spring eyes...

my soul bones tell me spring is coming, I can feel something stirring inside, I want to stretch and skip ... September 1st was a brilliant sunny day - right on cue with the Gregorian calendar, (which tells us the first day of Spring is September 1st and is so very wrong) Spring peeked her head out... a butterfly flittered past... Spring has gone again with a cold wind and rain today..... Spring for me will be the Spring Equinox which falls on September 23 ... then it will be time for Spring Cleaning....
so the next few days I am going to commit myself to a daily meditation practice.. I am ready for this.. I am going to do some crystal balancing & reiki on myself and will be back next week....

goodbye and hello..

Brigittes funeral was on Tuesday and we have arrived home exhausted after a harrowing three days. Her funeral was interstate and Joe and I drove down. a long drive but we took our time, staying overnight, halfway. we packed a thermos and some sandwiches and stopped a few times to walk around and have cups of tea. We talked alot and Joe reminisced on his childhood memories of his sister.

The time was bittersweet.. saying goodbye to his younger sister but catching up with his 8 other siblings some of whom he hasn't seen in 10 years.. alot of memories. laughter as well as tears were shared that day. and if you can say a funeral was wonderful... then this one was.

but what is it about funerals that makes you re-assess your own life? what is it that makes you sit and wonder what people could say about you, when you die? what is it that makes you want to be a better person?

I sat through Brigittes funeral on Tuesday listening to the eulogy and it made me want to be a nicer person, a more tolerant and patient person. A person who exudes love..... it is like each funeral I attend gives me a nudge to try again, to let go of pettiness, to forget grudges, to try to bring more love and peace into the world... this time, I hope I can remember all the thoughts that rushed through my mind on that day.

but Brigittes death has also made me realize that I must find a stronger protection for myself at times like this. I have taken on so much grief that is not mine... I am drained, absolutely drained.

so here I am, back to Inglewood in Woodford...... hoping that the Sun will soon realize that I need some warmth..

with the angels

We all come from the goddess
And to her we shall return
Like a drop of rain
Flowing toward the ocean

Yesterday, we received news that Joe's younger sister had passed away..... after a long battle with damn cancer.

Dear Brigitte, enjoy your time with the angels...... you didn't deserve the suffering you went through ... hope you are enjoying being with your earthly mum again...

a bit of this and a bit of that....

brrr it is cold here today in Woodford... Jack Frost visited last night and my grass was blanketed in white this morning.. my poor toes feel frozen even with my warm slippers on..
The Gypsy Caravan was as delightful as ever... very windy and cold but I did manage to go for a long walk along the beach... Joe and I were walking along, talking about stuff, lost in our own thoughts.... and a huge wave surprised us washing up to our knees.. we laughed alot as we walked along.... you know, he truly is my best friend.

Over the weekend, I realized that I am to learn tolerance.... new neighbours moved in next door to our caravan.... there is a something about them that I don't like, they frighten me a little.. they aren't at all friendly when you say hello and avoid eye contact... it just unsettles my soul to have them so near me...... I won't go into it here for fear of being run out of blogging land.... but I know in my soul that I am to learn tolerance with this....I woke early on Saturday morning - 4am to be exact knowing i had to smudge the caravan and buy some crystals to grid it... so I went off to a local market to buy my crystals... found four perfect double terminated smoky quart pieces and the woman gave me a bag of white sage to smudge with... Sunday i woke yet again at 4am, went for a walk in the cold, chilly early morning and the Moon was at her fullest! A glowing red ring was around the Moon and the stars surrounded Her, twinkling like ladies in waiting.... I felt blessed to have been called out at that time to see it... that afternoon, I walked around the caravan smudging and blessing and chanting protection words...I programmed the crystals and placed them at the corners of my van... they will build up a protective grid for me.. and then I placed angels at each corner of my van.... anyone seeing me would think I was a total weirdo.. but well... I don't really have to explain to those who understand

next bit: in the past and even just recently I have been given some awards for my blog... and I am truly grateful.... I don't display them on my blog because I forget to do it... so please, if any of you have given me one previously, please don't be offended that it is not here... I have just forgotten... I must tie a piece of string around my finger !!!

next we have me-me's...... I love doing these!! but for some reason, I come across as not enjoying them... once again, if I have been tagged, please don't think I don't want to do them, I really do... I just forget & if you want to tag me please do...... must go looking for my memory sometime soon....


lastly... I have a friend who is celebrating a birthday today..... I contacted her after Daisy died and she has become a close friend... so happy birthday dear *!*ANNIE*!*

a winter weekend by the sea

we are off to the Gypsy Caravan for the weekend. It will be freezing by the sea-side and most probably the wind will be totally out of control but I can take my very own rug and snuggle in my little peaceful haven by the sea...

not sure if I will get to the beach... I do want to.. I think it might blow the cobwebs away if I can put a thick coat on, plunge my hands into the pockets, brave myself against the wind and walk along the sand...
full moon coming up! a time to cleanse and programme your crystals....do something out of the ordinary at this full moon in Aquarius! and be ready to expect the unexpected... well, so my moon diary tells me ... have wonderful weekend !

just call me YOGI and our little bundle of joy......

i am like a hibernating bear lately... all I want to do is roll up in a ball and sleep. It seems that my body is VERY intune with the season this year... lucky for me I am able to do that and the past weeks all I seem to be doing is getting under that vintage eiderdown in front of the fire and sleeping.... well in between running outside to the clothes line to hang clothes on the line... and of course my usual daily chores still get done..but not much more... except of course - excavating my authentic self/my wise woman... I cannot even bring myself to go out into the garden.. I try but something inside shrieks to get back into the warm and also to look outside at Mother Earth..she is resting so I must take advice from her, I think. friends have been commenting and I naughtily have not been visiting blogs... it is so cold that I cannot spend much time here on the computer... so please don't think I am ignoring your blogs... you are all constantly in my thoughts.

just lately, I have been reminiscing about my childhood .. I have been going through my old books, the ones that I have kept all those years and of course I have Heidi and Little Women.. and but I also have a book that I 'won' back in 1964 when I was 6 at Sunday School.. called the Good Shepherd.. to look through that book and to see the sticker inside the front cover helped me to connect a tiny bit more with the little girl and the woman that is buried deep inside...bit by bit I am uncovering ME.. and it is good. I love it!! I am falling in love all over again with life, my home and my soul mate..

I am beginning to sound soppy lately.. but I am at such a peaceful place.. a place that I have probably never been before in my life.. it has been a struggle and the journey is far from over... but oh at the moment I feel soul settled!
now to this little bundle of JOY....

Harry 4 months old now! he is recovering after his time in hospital however, he had tests done yesterday and the Drs have found what they call kidney refulx.. he now has to go back to the pediatrician to see where they will go from here *sigh*... I am not going to say why us? although I do wonder... I spoke to my daughter yesterday and she is ok.. trying to be wise I gave her all the cliches... you know - there are worse off... a lesson in life.... things happen for reasons... you chose this path..... but she said to me 'mum, this is still my own baby and no-one is more important than him' - which pretty much says it all. ahh my daughter a wise woman already.

snow in Woodford, gratitude, bliss and feeling blessed and melancholy comes to visit.

this afternoon it snowed here in Woodford. Yes, while I was snuggling in bed, under my vintage eiderdown with my thick socks on my feet, reading Heidi, I looked out the window and it was snowing... it was bitterly cold and I could not get warm. But the snow gently fell outside, and I sighed, a sigh of pure and utter content and bliss... what more could a girl want? ooh yes, a lovely hot cup of tea that was delivered to my bedside by my gorgeous prince... he does pamper me so much and I am truly blessed that he is in my life... but of course, he is blessed too, because I am in his!! So, I just lay there looking out the window at the snow and the little birds flitting in the bare branches of the pussy willow, feeling totally at peace....


Heidi was one of my favourite childhood books. Inside the front cover, this edition is signed: 'to dear Robyn, with love, Mummy and Daddy. 1967.' it is a gorgeous copy, with colour plates and black and white drawings, some of which had been coloured in by me when i was little. I loved Heidi so much that when I was little, I announced that when I had my first baby, I was going to call it Heidi. there is something about childhood books and the memories they bring..

today, Sunday was a melancholy kind of day for me... but being in bed under that gorgeous eiderdown somehow calmed me a little... just lately I have been excavating many childhood memories... last weekend I went through all my dad's slides of when I was young and discovered memories that I had totally forgotten about.. fun times, loving times and all of this is really helping me to excavate my wild woman, my authentic self.
later this afternoon, I drew the curtains to keep the warmth in. I am so very grateful for and blessed by those curtains, they are vintage and came all the way from the UK... I close them and they stop the cold night from entering into my peaceful haven ... so...I grabbed a handful of old magazines, some scissors and my soul journal/Book of Shadows and I cut away to my hearts content.... sitting in front of the fire, snipping away (all the while, feeling totally bad for cutting up the magazines... I don't know why I feel like that, but I do... I feel like I am defacing something precious and sacred, but I still do it any way... sometimes I hear Daisy's voice saying 'oh I could never bring myself to cut up my Country Living'... and here I am cutting and tearing with gay abandon), sticking stuff in, making pretty things to look at when Ms. Melancholy comes to visit. When I feel blue, I open up my Soul Journal and just look through - at pretty things, at things that make my soul sing and I look at how far I have come..