"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Thursday, 28 August 2008

goodbye and hello..

Brigittes funeral was on Tuesday and we have arrived home exhausted after a harrowing three days. Her funeral was interstate and Joe and I drove down. a long drive but we took our time, staying overnight, halfway. we packed a thermos and some sandwiches and stopped a few times to walk around and have cups of tea. We talked alot and Joe reminisced on his childhood memories of his sister.
The time was bittersweet.. saying goodbye to his younger sister but catching up with his 8 other siblings some of whom he hasn't seen in 10 years.. alot of memories. laughter as well as tears were shared that day. and if you can say a funeral was wonderful... then this one was.

but what is it about funerals that makes you re-assess your own life? what is it that makes you sit and wonder what people could say about you, when you die? what is it that makes you want to be a better person?
I sat through Brigittes funeral on Tuesday listening to the eulogy and it made me want to be a nicer person, a more tolerant and patient person. A person who exudes love..... it is like each funeral I attend gives me a nudge to try again, to let go of pettiness, to forget grudges, to try to bring more love and peace into the world... this time, I hope I can remember all the thoughts that rushed through my mind on that day.
but Brigittes death has also made me realize that I must find a stronger protection for myself at times like this. I have taken on so much grief that is not mine... I am drained, absolutely drained.

so here I am, back to Inglewood in Woodford...... hoping that the Sun will soon realize that I need some warmth..

Friday, 22 August 2008

with the angels

We all come from the goddess
And to her we shall return
Like a drop of rain
Flowing toward the ocean

Yesterday, we received news that Joe's younger sister had passed away..... after a long battle with damn cancer.

Dear Brigitte, enjoy your time with the angels...... you didn't deserve the suffering you went through ... hope you are enjoying being with your earthly mum again...

Monday, 18 August 2008

a bit of this and a bit of that....

brrr it is cold here today in Woodford... Jack Frost visited last night and my grass was blanketed in white this morning.. my poor toes feel frozen even with my warm slippers on..
The Gypsy Caravan was as delightful as ever... very windy and cold but I did manage to go for a long walk along the beach... Joe and I were walking along, talking about stuff, lost in our own thoughts.... and a huge wave surprised us washing up to our knees.. we laughed alot as we walked along.... you know, he truly is my best friend.

Over the weekend, I realized that I am to learn tolerance.... new neighbours moved in next door to our caravan.... there is a something about them that I don't like, they frighten me a little.. they aren't at all friendly when you say hello and avoid eye contact... it just unsettles my soul to have them so near me...... I won't go into it here for fear of being run out of blogging land.... but I know in my soul that I am to learn tolerance with this....I woke early on Saturday morning - 4am to be exact knowing i had to smudge the caravan and buy some crystals to grid it... so I went off to a local market to buy my crystals... found four perfect double terminated smoky quart pieces and the woman gave me a bag of white sage to smudge with... Sunday i woke yet again at 4am, went for a walk in the cold, chilly early morning and the Moon was at her fullest! A glowing red ring was around the Moon and the stars surrounded Her, twinkling like ladies in waiting.... I felt blessed to have been called out at that time to see it... that afternoon, I walked around the caravan smudging and blessing and chanting protection words...I programmed the crystals and placed them at the corners of my van... they will build up a protective grid for me.. and then I placed angels at each corner of my van.... anyone seeing me would think I was a total weirdo.. but well... I don't really have to explain to those who understand

next bit: in the past and even just recently I have been given some awards for my blog... and I am truly grateful.... I don't display them on my blog because I forget to do it... so please, if any of you have given me one previously, please don't be offended that it is not here... I have just forgotten... I must tie a piece of string around my finger !!!

next we have me-me's...... I love doing these!! but for some reason, I come across as not enjoying them... once again, if I have been tagged, please don't think I don't want to do them, I really do... I just forget & if you want to tag me please do...... must go looking for my memory sometime soon....

lastly... I have a friend who is celebrating a birthday today..... I contacted her after Daisy died and she has become a close friend... so happy birthday dear

Friday, 15 August 2008

a winter weekend by the sea

we are off to the Gypsy Caravan for the weekend. It will be freezing by the sea-side and most probably the wind will be totally out of control but I can take my very own rug and snuggle in my little peaceful haven by the sea...

not sure if I will get to the beach... I do want to.. I think it might blow the cobwebs away if I can put a thick coat on, plunge my hands into the pockets, brave myself against the wind and walk along the sand...
full moon coming up! a time to cleanse and programme your something out of the ordinary at this full moon in Aquarius! and be ready to expect the unexpected... well, so my moon diary tells me ... have wonderful weekend !

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

just call me YOGI and our little bundle of joy......

i am like a hibernating bear lately... all I want to do is roll up in a ball and sleep. It seems that my body is VERY intune with the season this year... lucky for me I am able to do that and the past weeks all I seem to be doing is getting under that vintage eiderdown in front of the fire and sleeping.... well in between running outside to the clothes line to hang clothes on the line... and of course my usual daily chores still get done..but not much more... except of course - excavating my authentic self/my wise woman... I cannot even bring myself to go out into the garden.. I try but something inside shrieks to get back into the warm and also to look outside at Mother Earth..she is resting so I must take advice from her, I think. friends have been commenting and I naughtily have not been visiting blogs... it is so cold that I cannot spend much time here on the computer... so please don't think I am ignoring your blogs... you are all constantly in my thoughts.

just lately, I have been reminiscing about my childhood .. I have been going through my old books, the ones that I have kept all those years and of course I have Heidi and Little Women.. and but I also have a book that I 'won' back in 1964 when I was 6 at Sunday School.. called the Good Shepherd.. to look through that book and to see the sticker inside the front cover helped me to connect a tiny bit more with the little girl and the woman that is buried deep inside...bit by bit I am uncovering ME.. and it is good. I love it!! I am falling in love all over again with life, my home and my soul mate..

I am beginning to sound soppy lately.. but I am at such a peaceful place.. a place that I have probably never been before in my life.. it has been a struggle and the journey is far from over... but oh at the moment I feel soul settled!
now to this little bundle of JOY....

Harry 4 months old now! he is recovering after his time in hospital however, he had tests done yesterday and the Drs have found what they call kidney refulx.. he now has to go back to the pediatrician to see where they will go from here *sigh*... I am not going to say why us? although I do wonder... I spoke to my daughter yesterday and she is ok.. trying to be wise I gave her all the cliches... you know - there are worse off... a lesson in life.... things happen for reasons... you chose this path..... but she said to me 'mum, this is still my own baby and no-one is more important than him' - which pretty much says it all. ahh my daughter a wise woman already.

Sunday, 10 August 2008

snow in Woodford, gratitude, bliss and feeling blessed and melancholy comes to visit.

this afternoon it snowed here in Woodford. Yes, while I was snuggling in bed, under my vintage eiderdown with my thick socks on my feet, reading Heidi, I looked out the window and it was snowing... it was bitterly cold and I could not get warm. But the snow gently fell outside, and I sighed, a sigh of pure and utter content and bliss... what more could a girl want? ooh yes, a lovely hot cup of tea that was delivered to my bedside by my gorgeous prince... he does pamper me so much and I am truly blessed that he is in my life... but of course, he is blessed too, because I am in his!! So, I just lay there looking out the window at the snow and the little birds flitting in the bare branches of the pussy willow, feeling totally at peace....

Heidi was one of my favourite childhood books. Inside the front cover, this edition is signed: 'to dear Robyn, with love, Mummy and Daddy. 1967.' it is a gorgeous copy, with colour plates and black and white drawings, some of which had been coloured in by me when i was little. I loved Heidi so much that when I was little, I announced that when I had my first baby, I was going to call it Heidi. there is something about childhood books and the memories they bring..

today, Sunday was a melancholy kind of day for me... but being in bed under that gorgeous eiderdown somehow calmed me a little... just lately I have been excavating many childhood memories... last weekend I went through all my dad's slides of when I was young and discovered memories that I had totally forgotten about.. fun times, loving times and all of this is really helping me to excavate my wild woman, my authentic self.
later this afternoon, I drew the curtains to keep the warmth in. I am so very grateful for and blessed by those curtains, they are vintage and came all the way from the UK... I close them and they stop the cold night from entering into my peaceful haven ... so...I grabbed a handful of old magazines, some scissors and my soul journal/Book of Shadows and I cut away to my hearts content.... sitting in front of the fire, snipping away (all the while, feeling totally bad for cutting up the magazines... I don't know why I feel like that, but I do... I feel like I am defacing something precious and sacred, but I still do it any way... sometimes I hear Daisy's voice saying 'oh I could never bring myself to cut up my Country Living'... and here I am cutting and tearing with gay abandon), sticking stuff in, making pretty things to look at when Ms. Melancholy comes to visit. When I feel blue, I open up my Soul Journal and just look through - at pretty things, at things that make my soul sing and I look at how far I have come..

Thursday, 7 August 2008


according to this website today is the true moment for Imbolc 2008..... archaeoastronomy

I haven't been religiously following the sabbats this year... oh I have been aware of the changing seasons and the traditional dates of sabbats & cross quarter days but lately, I haven't been feeling the urgent need to do what my ancestors did on these days.... I have been trying to fit some kind of ritual into my own life...still remembering the past but trying to live in the present.
So Imbolc - over the past few years, I have gathered information into my own Book of Shadows, reading those notes last night: "It is traditional to light many candles for this Festival, to encourage the Sun to shine brighter and the Earth to throw off the cold of the winter months. A time when we each light our own light, and become uniquely ourselves......" I like that.... becoming uniquely myself.. reading Something More, a book by Sarah Ban Breathnach.. this is the exact same thing that I have been reading, to be uniquely myself.. something that I admit i do struggle with.. but lately my wild woman, my authentic self has been peeking her head out! And I feel good about it!!
"Yellow flowers for the altar along with some little nature trinkets..." well today I am cleaning my kitchen and dining area so after I finish, i will pick some of the yellow chamomile that is flowering and put it into my favourite vintage cream bottle...One traditional practice on Brighid’s day was to put baked goods out on the doorstep. They were called cakes for the queen of heaven - a cake for the weekend sounds good and I have my gorgeous little poppet from last year - my Brighid doll that I will place on my altar along with the yellow flowers....
"Meditate upon what you would like to see grow in health and strength this year: for yourself, your family, your community, the Earth, and ask for Bride's blessing upon your prayers".."Cleanse your heart of old anger"... I will do all of this later today when I do my card reading for this time..I know I have a little anger to cleanse myself of and this seems a perfect time.
but the most amazing thing is:'wear brilliant red - red jewellery or red ribbons' - the past few days, when i have been going out into the cold.. I have been choosing a brilliant red scarf to wear.. one that I bought in Vietnam... just picking it up and wrapping it round my neck, feeling quite comforted and settled as I did... was that some deep soul remembrance... just knowing what to do? i think it may be my ancient wild woman's wisdom and knowing....

here in Woodford, I guess spring maybe on its way. Yesterday we were supposed to get snow but it turned to heavy, wet, thick sleet... so no snow sledding for me...

But there is still a chilling icy feel to the air.. one that seeps into my bones so it seems i am cold from the inside out... I bought myself some ginger tea yesterday, to warm myself. I just cannot seem to get warm. Oh I know, it is not cold compared to some but really.. this is a different cold to what we are use to.. a chilling friend Avis is suffering from the dreaded bug that is around at this time of year so yesterday I took her a little basket... some cough lozenges, a jar of Vicks vapour-rub, a small packet of aloe vera tissues, a small bar of organic chocolate and a big hug... I felt like Mrs March out of Little Women... I love doing things like this for people.. I love to see their gasp of delight when someone thinks of them, I love to see their eyes sparkle when they feel special but above all I love to see that look in their eyes when they feel loved ...