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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Thursday, 28 August 2008

goodbye and hello..

Brigittes funeral was on Tuesday and we have arrived home exhausted after a harrowing three days. Her funeral was interstate and Joe and I drove down. a long drive but we took our time, staying overnight, halfway. we packed a thermos and some sandwiches and stopped a few times to walk around and have cups of tea. We talked alot and Joe reminisced on his childhood memories of his sister.
The time was bittersweet.. saying goodbye to his younger sister but catching up with his 8 other siblings some of whom he hasn't seen in 10 years.. alot of memories. laughter as well as tears were shared that day. and if you can say a funeral was wonderful... then this one was.

but what is it about funerals that makes you re-assess your own life? what is it that makes you sit and wonder what people could say about you, when you die? what is it that makes you want to be a better person?
I sat through Brigittes funeral on Tuesday listening to the eulogy and it made me want to be a nicer person, a more tolerant and patient person. A person who exudes love..... it is like each funeral I attend gives me a nudge to try again, to let go of pettiness, to forget grudges, to try to bring more love and peace into the world... this time, I hope I can remember all the thoughts that rushed through my mind on that day.
but Brigittes death has also made me realize that I must find a stronger protection for myself at times like this. I have taken on so much grief that is not mine... I am drained, absolutely drained.

so here I am, back to Inglewood in Woodford...... hoping that the Sun will soon realize that I need some warmth..

28 comments:

kim said...

So difficult, I know. I am glad you made it there and back safely.

Sorrow said...

It is no easy thing, to let go, to say farewell, I think it drains the strongest of us.
In our hearts we want to be the kind of person that some one any one remembers with fondness, with love.
We also want to be recognized in the now, for all that we are and do.
You are a sweet and seraphic soul dearest Robyn...

Jo said...

So sad, get plenty of rest now. I think its very hard for those supporting the grievers.
You are a good person already, and you're HUMAN.

A bird in the hand said...

Dear Robyn, it is so difficult to say goodbye and so early at that. Now you have to fill yourselves up again. The hearts are on their way to you; I mailed them on Monday. I pray they arrive swiftly.
Thinking of you. xoxoxo

Gemma said...

Nice that you could take some inspiration home with you. I've been thinking of you and sending love.
xx

Krissie said...

I really like your take on funerals and how they should remind us about our own life - that is living it in a better way, what better nudge? You need to greive and take care of yourself and hopefully the changing seasons will be sending some seasonal warmth your way soon. Hugs - krissie

smilnsigh said...

Sorry for the sadness... Even though we know that sadness is a part of life.

Usually, I have to go to older people's wakes, and I try to focus on the the happy fact that I am still alive, and paying attention to all there is to life. But this was a younger person and it's much harder...

On a lighter note, may I wish you a happy 'Tasha Tudor Remembrance Day In Blog Land,' Aug. 28th.

Miss Mari-Nanci
Smilnsigh blog

Tracy said...

Robyn, you are one of the sweetest, most giving people I know! Don't be too hard on yourself. Hope you take some time to regain your energy. xx

peppylady said...

I think their different events that we all go to. We start to look into our own life.
I know each time I go to a wedding I start wonder about my marriage it’s strength and weakness.
Plus what am I offering, not giving enough or to much.
Then when it comes to funerals. One thing each and everyone else offered something to this life.
It amazing what one can learn about ones life after they pass.

But other places I been I listen and learn more about my soul and how often I stumble around and got my footing again.
Lot of the time it harder to listen and look into a soul mirror at your self and apply it.

judie said...

Hello dear Robyn. I didn't know you were going on that trip but I'm glad you're home safe. My condolences to your dh. Hoping he is doing ok.

I was scrolling back to see what I've been missing and saw your post about your old books. The other day I went to the Salvation Army store looking for treasures, and found "The Secret Garden" which was my fav childhood book. But I didn't buy it because it looked ooky. I'm a bit of a germ freak. But now I'm sorry. I would love to read it again. Duh me! Take care my friend. xoxoxo

amelia said...

I kow how you feel having just lost my dad, as you know.
We had the same feeling at his memorial, everyone was so nice. We all wanted the feeling to stay but, because we're human and far from perfect, nothing stays the same and one day you wake up and it's all the way it used to be.
If you know what I mean...

Sioux said...

The sun will shine through. The clouds will pass. It's hard now, I know. God bless you and your family and help you heal. My prayers are with your family.

Caitlin said...

I hope you have a peaceful and restful weekend Robyn. Gather your strength and move forward (towards spring!).
Love
Caitlin
XX

Moonroot said...

What a lovely, thoughtful post. Hope you are soon feeling better.

Fire Byrd said...

It is that conflict between being a better person, and giving more to others and the need to look after ourselves,is always a juggling match. But right now sounds like you need to look after yourself, so you have the energy later to give more to others.
Take care of yourself dear Robyn
peace and blessings
xx

solsticedreamer said...

oh all my love to you and joe
xoxoxo

Ninnie said...

Sending you love, warm and healing thoughts. Love Hugs and Blessings Ninnie

Annie said...

My thoughts are with you and peace is hers. Every thought is a prayer.

linda may said...

You poor darlings. It is so hard when a family member leaves us for another life. Especially earlier than they should. Cancer is such a cruel thing. It is also sad that something like a funeral brings people together. We make promises to keep in touch, maybe that is a message in itself.
Thinkin' of you both.

Sacred Suzie said...

It is the new moon tonight, let go of the past, the pain and what you need to say good-bye to and hope for a re-energizing of spirit and body with the soon-to-be filling moon.

I'm sorry for your loss and sadness Robyn. Sending you healing light.

Rapunzel said...

Big hugs..

xoxoxoxo

Wendy said...

Oh dear me, this post brought tears to my eyes. And hit home. I also need to protect myself. I am a water sign and take in everybody's grief. It seems to get worse as I age. Your post has reminded me to try some protection spells. I hadn't even thought of protecting myself - funny, I do for others, but had stopped long ago for myself.

Funerals do make us stop and think - it could be me in that coffin, with life rudely interrupted. Time to ponder.....

Bimbimbie said...

Funerals have a strange nack of making us look within ourselves when we have come together to remember the one we are saying goodbye to.

Spring tomorrow Robyn, good day for you to have a chat with the sun, smiles x *!*

Kathryn Knoll said...

Quite well said,Dear One, I know what you mean, having just gone through my own funeral experience with my mother. All the remembering, all the pondering just what she left behind. I laugh at myself because I am not ready to leave this world due to all the "stuff" people would have to deal with. All the potter's tools and equipment, the many boxes of pens and paint brushes and many boxes of odds and ends I find useful now in my creative process. hmmm the the real stuff they would focus on is the memories of me and what I stood for. I, like you, hope I have made a difference to our world and to that end, I get up each day and ask, "how can I serve...?" Maybe this is one of the gifts we glean from the loss of someone: the reminder to keep on keeping on and to try and make a difference to our world. I know you matter to me, Dear One. You are an Awesome light shining across the world sea that I see when a new day dawns on the Pacific West Coast of America. I know you are there! Blessings, Sr.K

Nicole said...

Isn't it wonderful that such a morose event can bring out such positive thoughts and reflections?
I believe that everything happens for a reason.. and wouldn't your Brigitte be thankful that her passing encouraged others to better themselves?
You have passed these feelings onto me and hopefully others Robyn.. such is life!
Lets hope that at least one of us uses this gift to indeed better ourselves. Nicole xox

Sheila said...

Funerals bring out so many emotions. My mother in law's funeral brought my SIL and I together again after not speaking for many years. Perhaps that is the final gift the deceased give us, the ability to reconnect with ourselves and others.

smilnsigh said...

On Sept. 1st... Happy September... Which to you, means Spring. :-)

Miss Mari-Nanci
Smilnsigh blog

Midsummerprism said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your words speak of mine as well...