"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

see you when I get home!

tomorrow, Dutch husband and I leave for our two week adventure riding around Tasmania.

I have decided to leave the laptop at home and just enjoy the holiday for me.. sitting on the back of the Harley getting into the Zen zone....

catch up with you all when I get home!

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Mother Mary come to me ~ speaking words of wisdom ~ Let it Be

picture from

this morning as I sat journalling, trying to sift through a whole gammut of emotions and thoughts, words tumbled from my fingers. Words that I knew were not mine...

"we are all waiting to help you ~ pray ~ and give us energy to open up the lines between us ~ praying raises your energy vibration, bringing you close to us. In praying you must allow yourself to let go of your problems, if you hold onto them it hinders us in our mission to help you. The ancestors and spirit guides have you surrounded and believe us when we say there is a beautiful future ahead of you. Look at everything through the eyes of love"

and as I sat writing in my journal, I was told to help my adrenals with amazonite.. to lay the stones over my adrenal glands to bring them back into a healthy balance. Looking them up in my book of stones, confirmed that what I had been told was correct and surprisingly, these are some stones that I have in my collection. I am being helped from beyond. I know it.

When I sit in front of the altar and pray, I see a blue flame within my heart chakra.. is that Mother Mary? or is it my inner altar that Ruth talks of?

This life change has bought many past issues up for me and even though I am in a sheer state of fear and panic for my son, I know that I am surrounded by my ancestors and being guided by them. I have felt the presence of some of my ancestors this past week.. I am trying to let go and detach.. I have always felt the need to be in control and I do believe that life is showing me that it is not possible.. so I am on a learning journey of letting go... Let it Be

Sunday, 25 October 2009

a mothers heart-ache while being surrounded by roses

Queen Adelaide rose ~ one of the first 'royal' roses that I planted. The perfume is divine..

I woke this morning knowing that i must try to get my life back to some kind of normalcy.. to take myself in hand and create that sacred haven I had until last week. I am driving my self nuts with the constant worrying & fretting.

But how does a mother separate herself from her son's pain. Could Mary do it? I look at the photo from my post a few days ago and realize that she felt her son's pain just as I am feeling my own son's pain. I feel grief just like she did. I sit near my son and feel his heartache washing over me, consuming me and I don't walk away. I cannot separate myself from his pain, I am taking his pain on. But how does a mother separate herself from the hurt that one of their children are feeling? is it possible? .. when you have children your emotions no longer stop at yourself - they stretch around your children, wherever they are. It is amazing, and beautiful, and it can tear your soul at times. It is a special bond, and I don't think that even Fathers feel the same thing (words of a wise friend). He wanders around our home, lost, displaced from a family that he adored, wondering what life is all about. I want to put a bandaid on his hurt and kiss it all better.. and tell him it is ok, that mum will fix it for him. But I can't. there is not a thing I can do except let it all take it's course and allow him to go through the process of all the emotions. Knowing that it will all work out in whatever way it is meant to...and I know I must look after myself. My adrenals are shot to pieces right now. I must begin to nurture myself too.

Queen Elizabeth rose ~ a favourite of my Dad.

I sat this morning journalling my thoughts, trying not to rehash what has happened over and over. I don't want to continue giving it energy that I really don't have. Sitting contemplatively, looking out onto my garden.. the roses kind of made their presence known to me. Standing out, to remind me that I am never alone that Mother Mary is with me always. I have felt comfort from her presence this past week, having my rosary beads in my pocket and touching them whenever I needed some solace...

Our family changed last week and whether we like it or not.. that is the fact of the matter. My spiritual life came to a grounding halt. Going from a Sacred ritualistic day to nothing. No morning blessings, no cleansing & protecting my aura, no meditation. And I know that I must return to this as it is so very important to me.

when I sit and look out my window, this rose takes me to an English garden.. even though I have never been there

So today, I reorganise my home around so that I can do my prayers and blessings in the privacy of the little room that I call Sacred Space. Usually I did this in front of my main altar in my dining room, but now, I feel like I am exposed, or rather on show, so I must take myself to a private place. I know that I must spend time in my garden ~ the peace and tranquility that I find there will be balm for my soul..

Thursday, 22 October 2009

"Comprehend and know, my youngest child,
nothing should scare or concern you.
Don't worry.
Do not fear any illness or vexation, anxiety or pain.
Am I not right here who is your Mother?
Are you not under my shadow and protection?
Am I not the foundation of your being
your sustenance, your happiness, peace and effortlessness?
Are you not in the fold of my mantle?
Do you need anything else?
Don't allow anything to disturb you any more."

Mary the Virgin of Guadeloupe to Juan Diego, December 12, 1531

right now, my heart is breaking in two as I watch my son, my first born, go through the absolute raw grief of a marriage breakup. I sit each morning, watching him get ready for work, worried that he may do something silly.. worrying throughout the day, constantly. There is nothing I can do except grab tightly to Mother Mary's mantle and be consoled by her peace.

at times like this, I always seem to turn to Mary.. last night, I fell asleep clutching my rosary beads to my heart... just wishing She could take the pain in my heart away.

is there hope for reconciliation in the marriage? I don't know.. at this moment, my focus is getting him through his grief. Time will tell what happens elsewhere.
I ask each one who visits me here, to wrap him in a cocoon of love...

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired with this confidence,
I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;
to you do I come, before you I stand, sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy hear and answer me.

Monday, 19 October 2009

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Heaven was missing an angel... a faery tale come true ~ my time at the Manor Ball.

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.

when Pam first invited me to THE MANOR BALL, I had absolutely no idea who to ask, until John Lennon contacted me and said he had heard that I needed a partner and he was willing to come back from Spirit just to accompany me!! i was in heaven, let me tell you.

I cannot believe it. he also said that i was not to worry my pretty little head, about what to wear as a dress was on its way to me at that very moment. All I had to do was worry about my hair!! My youngest daughter Sophie is truly a hair dresser extraordinaire.. and she styled my hair like this..

perfect for the flower child that I am

the dress arrived late yesterday and when I opened the silk lined box, I was in awe of what John had chosen for me.. it was perfect. He knows that I am not into pomp and ceremony and we all know that he does not give a damn about rules and regulations...

I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.

so he chose a dress that is nothing like the normal ball gowns..and I am honoured that someone as wise as he is , knew exactly what I would want to wear...

You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!

quickly dabbing Patchouli oil behind my ears, I stepped out of the door.. to see what had arrived to take me to the Manor Ball:

oh, my. I giggled like a school girl as I climbed in beside John. He had a grin from ear to ear..and as he leaned over to kiss my cheek, he handed me something to remember him by..

All we are saying is give peace a chance

as we arrived, we could hear strains of music..would you believe if I told you that the Beatles actually reformed?

oh and they had a little help from their friends, too.

food was simply elegant. simple as in organic, fresh and simply prepared. elegant in presentation. Jesus even arrived to turn the water into wine!!! And of course it was organic.

I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind

the venue was absolutely divine... no pomp and ceremony.. just simple candles, flowers and pure magick.. I felt like Cinderella or maybe I was really in heaven and this was all a dream.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.

all the words in italics are taken from those words that John spoke throughout the night...

Saturday, 10 October 2009

what wakes me each morning, lately & I am so excited, I am off to a ball !!

"INGLEWOOD" ~ home of my heart. a place where I can escape the madness of the world. a place that cocoons me in peace, love and security

this is the front of my home.. steps lead up to the front verandah. two gargoyles scare evil spirits away.

the side path - you can just see a window on the right.. this is my art studio.

another view of my front garden, overlooking the pool. The large birdhouse was made by dutch husband for my 40th birthday - a copy of one found in the UK.

during spring and summer here at Inglewood, I attend a concert each morning. I am woken by the chorus of our magpies, carolling. they are nesting at the moment and it is like they are singing lullabies to their babies...
I took a video with my new camera ~ still learning all about that so I hope it works for you as I would love you to know just how beautiful my life is here in Woodford:
Magpies carolling at Inglewood(follow the link)
this was taken from my outside deck.. at about 7am.. it had been raining all night and the blue sky was beginning to peek through..make sureyou have your sound on!! (and if you enjoy that, I will try to take some while walking around my garden and home! - like I said, still learning though)

the atmosphere around here has been odd to say the least, especially after that stupid attack on the Moon.. yesterday while I worked in my garden, I could feel a very odd energy, still & quiet... like Mother Earth was resting after a traumatic experience.. maybe She has picked up on our distress??
But as I garden, I came to yet another phase of peace... it seems to be up & down for many of us lately... so at least I know I am in good company with many of my soul sisters around the globe.. thanks for holding my hand!

and my friend Pam has invited me to a Ball. Manor Ball. She has a spare ticket for me & a partner..will tell all on Tuesday!

Friday, 9 October 2009

question mark ?

what the hell is going on? I have heard last night that NASA is going to 'bomb' the Moon with a rocket and that some idiot in Europe is going to try to split the atom(again).. neither of these actions to me, are very intelligent. Here I sit a long way from both places, cocooned in my safe little home in my safe little town, in a land that is considered very safe but, I am concerned. Not for myself.. but for Mother Earth..

Earthquakes not far from our shores are Mother Earth's rumblings of concern I am sure. What other way can she re-act to the silliness of the beings she allows to dwell on her surface? She is reacting like we do when we have an irritant on our skin.. we use lotions and potions she uses the only way she knows how, what we call natural disasters.

there is something afoot here in my country... people are out of control, in a frenzied state (I was yesterday.. ) people are angry, in a confused state, driving like absolute lunatics. Behaving like animals do when a cyclone or other natural disaster is ready to hit.. and I am wondering if we are all picking up on some kind of natural earth disaster.. with all this tetonic plate shifting in the Pacific Rim.

the Earth Healing group that I started is needed right now & if you haven't joined up please do! EARTH HEALERS

Thursday, 8 October 2009


yesterday I closed Inglewood. I needed to gather my energies. My inner child is crying out for some comfort and I need to work on this.. I felt lost, desolate and truly soul weary. So I just closed the blog... but now.. after a few emails with friends, I know there are things that I must work through and I am going to do this here.. honestly.. funny that. Because yesterday I received an award for being Honest and I thank, from the bottom of my heart, LAOI for seeing that I am honest in my writings..

I don't usually accept awards for blogging.. for the simple reason that over the years.. I have felt left out when I didn't receive one (my inner child insecurity I think) and I hate passing them on in fear of leaving someone out and them feeling 'not good enough' to receive the award.. but now, because my inner child is hurting.. I am gonna grab this award and put it proudly on my blog - but I am not going to pass it on for those reasons I mentioned. I believe that each and every one of my friends here deserves this. we all write from our hearts and when we do that, we are being honest. well, that is my belief.

this is what the award said:
As honest bloggers we:

* Speak our truth from the heart and tell it like it is
* Share openly and honestly our true feelings without fear of judgement, Blame or shame.
* We write to share our achievements so others can also share our joy.
* We write about our bad times too, knowing that the love and support of others is around us and perhaps heal another’s pain in the process..
*We are human beings will real feelings and emotions and REFUSE to hide behind a mask.
* We dare to be different
* We are Free Spirits
* We realise that by spilling out, we lighten our load.
* We acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses and don't see them in terms of success or failure.
* We laugh together and cry together
* We are all following our own journey in our own unique way
* Above all else, we may lie on the floor, screaming and kicking, or feel like life is collapsing around us once in a while….but at the end of the day, we drag ourselves up, dust ourselves off and rise to fight another day.

For we are Warrior Women and we write not to please others, stroke our own egos or be judged, we blog because we care! Our blogs are our therapy, and through sharing SHIfT HAPPENS!

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Full Moon wishes & affirmation for my week

this month has been crazy for me with various family issues... and I have realized that i need to set boundaries on just how much of myself I can give away.. I do have difficulty doing that.. i tend to give much of myself to others and end up having nothing left for myself. a product of my upbringing I guess.. but my soul journey is important to me and I am at a point where I must find a balance .. so this Full Moon I ask: to find a balance between pleasing others and staying true to my soul journey path; to honour the yearnings of my soul. This and more comes to me with perfect ease & grace..

and my affirmation for this week:
I am worthy; I love myself unconditionally and accept the energy of the Creator within my being

Thursday, 1 October 2009

a virtual circle for wise, wild women.. wanting to play the wanton..(updated)

remember that virtual Circle I mentioned awhile back? I have finally created it!

circle of wise & wild women of the web

to join you will have to sign up with Ning. I have made it private as a courtesy to members, so will have to 'approve' those who join... look forward to seeing you!

and who is Ning, I hear you ask?? Ning is another social network.. easy to sign up with..