today is New Moon at 10.13am precisely...a gorgeous drizzly raining spring day... just like a New Moon should be... still, waiting, until She bursts forth into her waxing period to Full Moon
a time for letting go of destructive habits.... as I sat last night in Sacred Space, I pondered how I could let go of this anger, frustration and doubting my search.... and this came to me:
the doubt and questioning of my spiritual journey and beliefs is actually my ego sabotaging me and putting the doubts and fears there... it is important for me to cleanse & rid myself of these negative feelings and thoughts or else, i won't move forward through it. Look upon it as a test, a challenge. Continue to meditate, journal and spend time with your wise women friends. Even if it becomes tiresome and difficult and you begin to doubt yourself.. KEEP GOING !! When you feel or see these thoughts coming, stop and turn them away - journal them away... you are away of them now and it will be easier.
so today, I will sit with a cup of tea and do a letting go ritual..
a few months ago, I did a workshop called 'Paint your canvas' - I went along not really knowing what to expect. Not having done art in my life, I was a little nervous... but the teacher was wonderful. We meditated, we chanted and we played... and over the weeks, a painting emerged on my canvas. I would dream of it and was instructed on what to do as i dreamed.. to put netting on her cloak, to make her dress a vibrant red, to use an old button as a clasp.... I had seen this woman, many, many times but could not get her out in anyway. It is a painting of myself or my Guardian in a past life...... Yesterday at our wise woman gathering, I saw her in meditation.. sitting quietly... gathering mistletoe berries.... she is guiding me to peacefullness..
After this painting was done, was the time my yearning for connection, my desire to visit Cornwall started to diminish.......
Once a fortnight, I go to a gathering of women, there are only five of us and we work through Women who run with the Wolves.. yesterday we made a dream catcher and once it is cleansed and smudged, I am going to hang it on my door at Beltane. I used ivy & string and spun a web while we chatted about our journeys. I weaved shells and sticks that I had gathered and a feather that I found once while walking. I think gatherings like this are truly missed by women of our time.. once upon a time we sat around fires in circles, sharing our knowledge... I am blessed that this circle has come to me at this time. I have yearned for it for so long.