Friday, 29 February 2008
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed
My shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Let me take you there. ......
Kashmir.... the name I have chosen for our little caravan by the sea....it isn't much, but it's ours.. and I am itching to get hold of the key so I can put my mark upon her....
I wanted an exotic name.. images of Marrakesh, Morocco, vibrant Indian markets, bohemia, all floated through my minds eye... and although not a huge fan of Led Zeppelin.. i think the words of their song above, really suit what I am wanting in our little haven by the sea... I did think of Bohemian Rhapsody.. but there are too many letters for me to attempt to paint! I thought of calling it Avalon... or AnamCara.. Joe said 'Magick' but Kashmir it is at the moment.... unless I find something else.
although to be truthful, I am not a camper.. I have never liked to rough it, I don't like outside toilets, I hate sharing showers... I have always insisted on luxury... no-less than 4 stars.. bed & breakfasts where I am treated like royalty....(hanging head in shame)..I always thought i was a princess and wanted to be treated like one.... but Joe has always wanted a caravan and we started looking.. just for fun really.
Over the weekend, I was reading Women who run with the Wolves and I put alot of my thoughts down in my journal.. thoughts which make no sense at all now... something about life being too safe... and I wrote: 'what about a caravan? - this would put me out of my comfort zone.. a caravan will make me spread my wings and fly.. it will help me let go of 'my too-safe mother'.... and I will have the opportunity to go there by myself.. to help me overcome my fear of being alone.. to be able to lie under the stars...'
and now I am over the moon with excitement!
my 'worrier' mother didn't have alot of positive things to say... her first words to me were:'oh there will be mozzies and you will be bitten to pieces'......*sigh* but those words slipped off my back.. like a duck...
I have so many ideas... lots of lanterns.. just like a gypsy caravan!
here are a few photos that we took...
this is the annexe to the caravan, quite spacious.. this will be where we eat and relax... below is the caravan.. that is where our beds are.. and a small kitchen.
the caravan park has its own jetty..
here is Joe, just after we paid the deposit and signed the papers... the water is so blue and I cannot wait to sit on the grassed area, looking out and maybe doing meditation, yoga or journalling. Who knows, I may even write poetry or sketch...
and Mister Pelican..... maybe he will become my animal totem by the sea...
the romantic notion that I have of sitting out under the stars... by the water.... yes, quite excited I am.. and Joe is absolutely beside himself!
yesterday, I washed all my timber floors... in the old fashion way:- on my hand and knees... I made up a big bucket of hot, hot water, liquid organic soap, lavender oil and a dash or apple cider vinegar, donned the rubber gloves and scrubbed... and after they were done, I had a real soul satisfaction.... the rooms smelled really clean and fresh, I had a physical workout while doing it and my floors looked cleaner than if i had used a mop... good old elbow grease !!!!
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
so.. I will just get on with the F in my life....those Fantastic, Fabulous things that make my heart Flutter...those things in my life that I can have a Feeling of gratitude for.....
first of all we have a little FAERY sign.. the people who created this sign, did not know how to spell faery correctly... the sign sits in a pot of Bay on my front steps
and last but not least is my FOOT... I took this while at the beach on the weekend.. do you know how difficult it is to take a photo of your own foot, while juggling a big bucket of shells while the tide rushes in??
so there you go ~ my ABC for this week ~ be Footloose and Fancy Free!!
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
my gifts were a delight! I received some lucky oil, some cut-out faeries as well as a collection of faery prints, some ephemera for collage, a paper doily with the words' so fairy special', a little birdie and a leaf...some crystals, an acorn and a magick wand ~thankyou, thankyou to my faery friend!! I love it all... specially my wand!!
Monday, 25 February 2008
We had a wonderful time - doing nothing much, really... I read a little of Women who Run with the Wolves and wrote some thoughts in my journal... I still have to sift through them and maybe I will share, maybe not. I promised a few of you that I would share my time away and what better way could I do it than in photos? . . . .
To get to the shell 'graveyard', we must walk quite a long distance along the shore until we come to a rocky outcrop that is only accessible at low tide... these rocks are full of rock pools...
I love to peer into them and am sometimes suprised by little fish and crabs scurrying about ... once upon a time, there would be star fish in these pools, but for some reason, they have disappeared.. I haven't seen a star fish in years....
being at the mouth of the Inlet, the tide is very strong and at high tide the waves crash upon the shore dumping millions and millions of shells.. this is what we call the shell graveyared. and as I wandered, collecting shells and bits for a wreath that I want to make.. my love called to me that there was a gift left for me to find..... and I found these... he had been collecting for me - a gift of love..
as I walked through the water, I noticed all these circles and spirals... not sure what they are.. but they reminded me of ancient markings... someone inside me remembered, something...
and an even bigger moment for us: a few years ago, we owned a cottage down there, at Sussex Inlet but sold .. it was gorgeous but all we did was spend time working at it whenever we went to stay.... so while we were away this time, we decided to buy an onsite caravan.... we have bought ourselves a little cara- van, on the waters edge!!!.... it is gorgeous... I thought of my friend Lee in Dorset and her delightful van Pippin and I cannot wait to lie out under the stars..... and I cannot wait to decorate our little van! I have taken a few photos to share... but will do that sometime this week....
Friday, 22 February 2008
the other day, when I was carrying on a treat about why I blog.... Krissie suggested that I journal my blog... she had found it on a challenge site journal your blog .. I think Krissie is Queen of he Challenges... she always finds the most amazing things to do ! so i played for a bit over the past few days and it felt good to do ~ I had forgotten how soothing it is to sit among bits and pieces and create something for fun... I always tend to try to create a 'masterpiece' and end up doing nothing, the inner critic *sigh*... ... I have this brand new journal, with one entry from the beginning of January... I have been in a real creative slump lately .... I write so much on my blog, about my home and life, so to actually journal it and create around the post, really helps me to focus....so i am going to regularly do this in my journal... here is my first entry:
Krissie also takes part in a weekly challenge called Gothic Arches and I thought I would play around with the theme this week, which was 'old schooldays' - a perfect theme for my journal.. I could create something around my own school days ... I had an old report card of mine that was sitting around uselessly, getting more dog-eared by the minute, so i used that as a background.. once upon a time, i would not have done this.. thinking I must preserve all my papers... but really, who wants them... I have my mums too... sitting in a box, disintegrating - I used an old photo of my first day at school.... and at first, I didn't like what I had created... but I am actually quite liking it now....my Gothic Arch old schooldays....
I have decided to allow anonymous comments again as I received a delightful email from a 'lurker' who can't comment now.... her words really touched me alot and I think sometimes, comments are just as important as the actual posts ~ you just never know when a comment may help another reader.... thankyou to 'pt' .. you can comment again....
the full moon came and went yesterday... I don't think I have seen a full moon for 3 months or more.. it is always raining... I have my crystals waiting to sit out in a full moon bathe.. but it looks like they will be waiting for another month.......
so off to the sea-side it is....
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
after my post yesterday about blogging... a few of you said that you don't post alot on your own blogs, because your lives are boring.... NO-ONE's life is ever boring.... the mundane, little things in our day are the important moments... this is what people like to hear about...... the little butterflies that we notice in our gardens, the fresh food that we prepare in our kitchens, our thoughts as we hang our washing out, our creativity...... our hopes, our dreams, our wishes..... and yes, our concerns and emotional issues...... thankyou to each of you who commented..... alot of food for thought....*sigh* we are all such wise wonderful women !!!
and on to the ABC photo shoot from Woodford:-
this week is E - not an easy letter to be finding around my home or garden
E is for EcoSystem.... my compost heap or one of them. I have about Eight around my garden... all in various stages of decomposing... I use this gorgeous earthy compost to put around my vegies...Espalier... the first one I have ever attempted.. a dwarf apple.. this is the first year so no fruit but if all goes to plan, next year I should be harvesting apples. in my garden, I have no Echinacea.. well, I did have but the snails ate it.. I don't have Erigeron growing as I think it is a weed...
and even inside this all I could find.....
Elephant..... a grEEn ElEphant...
which belongs to this.....
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
What this means is also clearing away those things that don't nourish and give energy to these dreams of mine. One of these offerings back into the earth is releasing the need to blog. After three years of documenting my life, it is time to spend that energy in new and beautiful ways........"
and I got to thinking... why do I blog? I have struggled with it for quite awhile now and I am beginning to believe it may be an addiction. I live my life for my blog... whenever I am doing something.. I am thinking constantly of how I can 'report' this on my blog.. to make it interesting for others to read... and all the while I am thinking, I am not living the moment.. I am not enjoying that moment of my life.. I am not really present in my life. I do my housework but I am not present... not in the moment. And I fear, that this is not normal
I know my blog is supposed to be an online journal... but why not record all of my thoughts into a real journal? a real paper one.... where I sit and write my thoughts and feelings in real life.... One that I can decorate and create in, one where I can discover me.
I wake in the morning and after doing my yoga & stuff, I turn the computer on to see who has commented or who has emailed me... then I leave it on while I dash around doing chores.. all the while peeking to see if someone has emailed or commented. I am not taking time to be with myself at all. I am even beginning to wonder if blogging has something to do with my emotional rollercoaster... as I was not like this before i started blogging..... I was sensitive and a searcher but not this up & down that has been happening over the past few years.
Like I said to a friend this morning: "I love blogging.... do i walk away fully or cut down on keeping up with everyone and only visiting those I have a real friendship with? I would hate to lose touch with some.. so how to decide? I don't know.
all I know is that it takes up way too much of my time and I tend to stay on the computer or rather, leave it on, just incase someone emails me or comments... I am sure you understand.
But blogging for me is also a contact with the outside world, really. I don't have alot of close friends, I tend to be a loner so this contact is important to me..
*sigh* I need a happy medium"
Monday, 18 February 2008
She drove me near insane and I must change. I cannot be like my mother.. I don't want to be a bitter old woman...I want to change - But I don't know how to do it. I don't know where to start... I am going to learn though! (any suggestions of course are always welcome) ~ I love my mother so much and it hurts alot that she doesn't enjoy her life, after the awful scare we had with her last year, I just wish she could be happy....
...anyhow this is not what my Sacred Life Sunday is about.. my sacred life Sunday is positive!!
4 weeks to go !!!! we had a little gathering of great-grandmas, great aunts & aunts.. friends....
we decided to do a brunch instead of afternoon tea - so we made miniature egg & bacon pies, zucchini slice & fresh summer fruit salad served with cinnamon & honey King Island yogurt! orange juice, cranberry juice - tea & coffee... perfect!
oh & ps - I have done something to my left shoulder.. it could be stress but I am typing with one finger so I am a little behind in catching up on emails and comments... hopefully I can get to see a massage therapist today and will get some relief.
Thursday, 14 February 2008
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
so Yes, I am Depressed...I know it is a phase and it will pass but I need to find that inner strength that I had, the one that I had when I took control of my own health when I had cancer.. the one where I knew I could heal myself... but it is hidden.. maybe the candida ate it. who knows... anyhow, I wondered around looking for something starting with D.. I don't have a Dog... and I found Dandelion growing in my garden. Most people think these are weeds.. including my husband.. I slap his hand when he pulls them out!! I love Dandelion tea.. matter of fact, I think I will make myself one now!
not much more in my garden that starts with D.. except for Daphne.. and it is not in flower right now.. so inside I come and find these little Duck eggcups.. I have a collection of about 7 and the plan is to give one to each of my grandchildren at Easter time.... with an egg in it.. organic chocolate of course!
and then there is Desiderata.. which I am sure all of you know... I have it hanging next to my computer..
BUT do I take any notice of the wise words. of course not!! I am sure if I read them slowly each day, they might sink in.... very wise words indeed. Tomorrow, early in the morning..when I do my yoga..I might take these words outside on my verandah.. and read them slowly. Surely one day, the light might come on inside that guides me. I feel like I am on a river in a dark tunnel.. without a lamp.
so there is my D for the ABC Wednesday... but this week, I am not linking as I am too tired to even think about repaying the visits....
Monday, 11 February 2008
.... and that I had my first shot today in readiness for my trip to Vietnam in May.... Joe & I have been married 20 years this year and we are going on a trip to Vietnam... we had the first of our Hep. A & B today and another in 6 weeks. I think we also have to have Typhoid injections. ouch.
oh and the other day at the Co-Op.... I found the most delicious yoghurt.... it is flavoured with Lemon Myrtle... and is creamy and smooth and bio-dynamic as well! what more could you want?
My son is 33 today.... and we had dinner at his home. His wife cooked her specialty of Moroccan Lamb cooked in a Tajine, served with rice ... we sat outside on their deck under the stars, surrounded by candles and oil torches.. table set with white tablecloths. A good Australian red wine and chilled water. Perfect!
at 3 am this morning, I decided God had left the building...well that is if he existed in the first place. At 3am this morning, I woke *again* sneezing, sniffling, itching and realized that it didn't matter how many times I asked God to heal my hayfever, it didn't matter how many times I begged the Angels to send Raphael to take away this discomfort, it didn't matter how many times I tried to get in touch with my inner wisdom on how to heal myself... it just 'ain't' gonna happen, well, not without the help of chemicals, anyhow. So I got up and took Telfast. Mother Earth cannot sustain this use of tissues, I am using acres and acres of trees a day.
Then I got to thinking (as you do at 3am in the morning when you can't sleep) and it was very interesting (as thoughts are at that time of the morning)....... and I decided that it just isn't fair that I am suffering like this, yes, I know it could be worse, I could have cancer... but I have had cancer. And it still isn't fair as I think cancer is enough suffering for any one person... and I decided then and there that I am going to give up.. (sorry Colette) I am going to give up my damn search, I am going to stop sitting day after day trying to reach a point of knowing, of being in touch with my in-tuition, I am going to stop talking to the angels. Because truthfully, I believe that we are here and here alone. we were put here to struggle. We were put here and whoever did it, waved goodby and said "you're on your own buddy"..... For what reason, I don't know because I can say for certain that there is no way I would have chosen this.... And even if there is a God why does he make it so damn hard.
so what am I allergic to? I don't know. it is not wheat, it is not Dairy - is it the myriad of grasses that are out of control in the mountains right now or the mould spores in the air from all the rain? who knows..
I decided that I am going to live a life of decadence, I am going to drink alcohol, maybe even take up smoking, maybe a pipe... I am going to eat bread made of wheat and drink copious amounts of milk, eat cheese and chocolate. I am going to take chemicals if i need them to help my body, whether it be for headaches or hayfever. I am not going to meditate and I am not going to pray because like I said, it doesn't work.. well not for me anyhow. I have been on bended knee asking for miracles and they don't happen. Every morning I get up and greet the Goddess.. that is going to stop too.. I am going to sleep in !! I am going to stop wondering about where I come from.... cause what does it matter... my ancestors are not helping me right now...
Then I got to thinking about blogging.... and wondered why on earth I do it. Why? Why do I sit and ponder on what to write about, why do I run around snapping photos here and there to post and then write captions for? Does anyone really want or need to know just how many bales of hay that a woman in Woodford is putting on her garden? Or does anyone really want to follow someone's spiritual search or read her demented ramblings? I have no idea, not even at 3am when everything is as clear as a bell, could I find the reason for blogging.
then I wondered why I let blogging people affect me.. some people come into our lives... well, into mine and they email me daily, best friends, then I never hear from them again. I stress about visiting other blogs, worried that I will leave someone out and I neglect my own real life... then I wondered about lurkers... yes.. those who visit my blog but don't comment. Take for instance yesterday.. I had 78 visits, individual visits, that is 78 different people and only a handful of comments... it is NOT the comments at all, that I am querying here. It is why do people visit and not comment? Like I have said before - would they come into my lounge room and not say hello? then I remembered Daisy and her frustration with lurkers... then I started to think about Daisy..
maybe I could start a new blog (I thought) call it a similar name to Daisy's blog - maybe Cats in the kitchen, flora in the Garden down under (except I don't have a cat and my chickens don't live in my kitchen )and do it along the same lines as hers... no not a good idea... and then I thought of how some of the fun of blogging had stopped for me since she died.
so I decided, then, at 3am to hang up my keys... yes, I am hanging up my keys to blogging....
I am going out to find my life, to get myself back... and if you would like to keep in touch, please do. My email address is on my profile... and maybe oneday I will come back, but this time, I am not sure.
so all of that at 3am....
will I give up blogging? who knows.. right now all I am focused on is getting rid of this hayfever......
Saturday, 9 February 2008
these tubs above were from my Nan's home.. they were her laundry tubs and were pulled out when 'modernising' the home.. I sometimes plant flowers in them but after the rain, I think a water garden is in the making! My Nasturtiums are coming to the end of their cycle.. oneday, I must try them in a salad.. something my grandparents did often.. This winter I hope to use some 'weeds' from my garden to make soups and frittatas..weeds like dandelion and sorrel and warrigal greens as well.
with all this rain, it is a wonder my roses aren't severely affected by black spot.. hopefully the humidity will stay away .. and my poor dear girls.. they don't like the rain at all.. sodden little things right now.. I think they are beginning to wonder if they should be looking for the Ark!! They will soon start to quack!
and just as the rain came down again.. I snapped a photo of the front of my home. I love my home.. it has a real soul.
so not much more about my life today... I am cleaning around the kitchen and maybe we will go out for lunch. I also need to make a visit to our co-op to buy my vegies and other organic foods.. Blue Mountains food Co-op our Co-op is run by local people and we join for $8 a year.. to buy products, we take our own jars or paper bags and help our selves from big bins of cereals, flours, rice, sugar, herbs, teas and many more products - they have a large range of locally grown organic fruit and vegetables as well as a fridge section. It is fun! today i need to buy some slippery elm bark powder, rolled oats, buckwheat pasta and some raw sugar.. and I might even buy myself a small block of sheep's milk cheese. Tonight we are taking our grandson Thomas to Chinese New year banquet.. oh and the Goddess blog is open - there is a link at the top of my blog - way to wisdom... I need desperately to do some crafting stuff.. I haven't made alot at all lately. I am thinking of making a collage of all the words of wisdom that Daisy sent me over the years and maybe try to paint her as well... I am gathering bits for my faery swap and that will be in the beak of the little sparrow who is patiently waiting in my ancient apple tree. Very wet and bedraggled but so excited to be making a trip over the ocean.. so he will be on his way next week...
Thursday, 7 February 2008
whale slaughter ~ may the people who do this, rot in hell. How can a person, like me..... send love & light, peace & love to those humans who do this ?
"this baby minke looks to be at suckling age" - "an easy target for a cowardly harpoonist. It's distressing when you think that it can take up to 15 minutes after a harpoon actually hits a whale for the whale to die."
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
Calendula ~ which is growing in my vegetable garden. It happily self seeds, willy nilly.. I love it! It is also known as Pot Marigold... and has wonderful, magickal healing properties... Calendula oil is a must in my medicine cabinet.... also growing in my vegetable garden is Chamomile.....
I love the bright yellow daisies.. their little heads have been brightening my days lately! then I noticed the Clover....
which is growing in my 'lawn'... I patted it and thought I saw the clover faeries flitting in and out of the dark green leaves... while I sat and looked, I had white butterflies flitting about my head.... I wonder what my ancestors did with their 'lawn'.. did they fret about mowing it each weekend? Or did they just let it be.....then I saw my Citrus tree.... this one being a lemon
and nestling among the leaves was a Citrus Caterpillar..... nearly ready to Cocoon and turn into a beautiful Citrus butterfly..... but the one thing that C is for me... is my Chair...
My big pink snuggly Chair... which wraps its arms around you when you feel sad or lonely. The chair that comforted me when Daisy died.. I slept in this chair for over a week when she died... crying. And when I look at this photo... outside the window.... what do I see.... but an angel looking in... (well..sceptics would say that it is the sun.. but the sun was on the other side of the house... and i KNOW it was an angel.. it was Daisy, I am sure)
Sunday, 3 February 2008
February 2nd brought the festival of Lammas for me here in Woodford... marking the middle of summer and the coming of autumn..and is apparently, the first of the harvest festivals and associated with the ripening of the grain.. I don't have grain to ripen but at the moment my comfrey is out of control... Comfrey is one of my favourite herbs. I have it planted everywhere.. along the chook pen.. under my fruit trees and it is coming up all over the garden BUT i am not particularly worried about it, as I can use it to make a comfrey tea for my garden. It is thriving! I remember years ago when I first discovered the herb and it's common name of knitbone and i informed my dad that I could make a poultice for him if he ever broke a bone in his body... to which he promptly replied ' no thanks love.. I will go to a Doctor if need be' ... I think he thought I was some kind of witch.. I am sure he thought I had a cauldron out the back. I had visions of me being a herbal healer... obviously a throwback to a past life.
so instead of grain, I can harvest my comfrey.. The chooks love the leaves to peck at and it helps to make their eggshells hard. Planted under trees and shrubs, the deep roots bring nutrients up from deep down and help feed the tree.
Lammas really came and went for me this year..... I didn't do much for it at all... I picked a few stems of comfrey and placed them in an old bottle near my kitchen sink... something very soothing about it.. better than long stemmed hot house roses any old day!
Lammas, Lugnasadh.. I am never sure and really .. does it matter? My ancestors had a need to celebrate this season and a reason.... they didn't celebrate it because they had to... they had a belief and a connection to Earth in a different way to how I am today in 2008.... and I am sure if it rained or snowed.. they didn't get their nickers in a knot if they missed it...I can't hear them saying ' oh lord, Lugnasadh tomorrow... what are we going to harvest? have you made the corn dollie yet?'...... I am sure they just went about their day regardless... and their needs and ways were different to my needs & ways - and I must find my own way of marking the seasons & sabbats... so I wandered around my garden looking for ripening fruit and vegetables... thinking all the time of what this day and season means for me down here.... a whole colander full of tomatoes was gathered and then I went into my potato patch and scrabbled for some potatoes, moving the mulch away and feeling for potatoes that were big enough to eat... we call it bandicooting... I put them into an old tin bucket and carried them inside, feeling very proud of my little harvest.... some candles were lit... for really no reason at all, except to bring magick into my life.... and i felt content.... my lammas... no corn dollie, no sacrifice.... just an all is well with my world. Dining outside under the stars.. candles twinkling.... fresh organic food. what more could anyone want or need?
Friday, 1 February 2008
and as I sat with my eyes closed.. wondering if meditation really worked or if anyone was out there in Spirit-Land... feeling very much like Mork trying to contact Orson..... I heard Daisy whisper thoughts to me about my blogging....
"write your blog like I did... people love to read about your daily life, just like you loved to read about mine. tell them what you see. what you hear. And when you feel sad & lonely, write to me."
(this is something that Sr.Kathryn advised me to do also) but was it really daisy whispering or my own thoughts? I must believe it was Daisy!
then, I heard strains of this song... filter through my inner ears.....
"You've got to accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative,
Latch on to the affirmative Don't mess with Mister In-Between
You've got to spread joy up to the maximum, Bring gloom down to the minimum,
Have faith or pandemonium Liable to walk upon the scene"
I've got to believe & trust that is was truly Daisy and not my imaginings....