Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck!"
-- Jalal-Uddin Rumi
Oh girls-- girls just wanna have fun
a woman of a certain age. not 'rich or famous', but a simple girl, living a simple life. a simple ordinary life in a little town called Woodford. in a home named 'Inglewood'.. & this is where I tell the tales of this life....oops & a hedgewitch too!
follow Greenpeace & the Esperanza on board the Esperanza
I wasn't going to post today... but I just heard on the news that the Japanese whaling fleet is on its way to the South Pacific to slaughter 1000 whales,they intend killing more than 1000 whales in the name of science, including 50 endangered humpbacks . I am so angry but even more - I am sad. What is the need to slaughter these gorgeous animals? Scientific research the Japanese say. that is just pure bullshit (and I make no apologies for swearing here) ..something needs to be done... it is time that the whole world woke up to all of this endless killing of our gorgeous, gorgeous Earth and her 'peoples' . I wonder if protests or signing petitions ever work or if these kind of people just bulldoze through life having no thought except for themselves and how much money they can make from doing something like this... it is a well known fact that the sushi business is a very profitable one. what can one person in Woodford do, really? is there any hope at all?STOP WHALING BLOG
and before I go.. I want to tell you about two blogs first of all Ruth.... someone that I found when searching blogs who were interested in Hedgewitchery..... amazingly, she lives in Cumbria. Over the past few weeks, we have been getting to know each other and she has decided to open an online wise woman circle.... take a look: WISE WOMAN CIRCLE. I am going to join as soon as I shake this chest thing I have.... and the other blog I want to share today is Hearthtalks a blog by a catholic nun who kind of follows the wheel of the year... alot of wisdom in both of these blogs... have a little peek when you have time
I was born into a Anglican family, my Dads' parents were Independent and held their church in their home every Sunday... but as a child, I was sent to the local Anglican Sunday school, yes off to Sunday school I would go... like a good little girl.. dressed in my good dress with gloves, hat and handbag...... We had a minister, Mr Rawson who seemed about 100 years old back then... he stood up at the pulpit every Sunday, shaking his fist and telling us we would all go to hell... 'fear God' he said.. and I did.. and thus began my fear of God. I joined the seventh day adventists when I was about 14.. having signed up for a 'free' bible' and then having to do a course of lessons... I thought I had found what I was looking for.... but no, they had that same God who was fearful and more 'guilt' was heaped on as I was continually told that I was a bad person and would go to hell..... I let go of any kind of belief through out my teenage years, as we do... but always i wondered why I was here... what did I have 'to do'.... and through my twenties, I searched for that God that I heard about.. the God who is Love... that God who is my divinity... the one who loves me.. when I was 30, I converted to Catholicism.. a wonderful priest took me under his wing and became my mentor.. then he retired and moved.. a new priest.. and back to hell fire and brimstone but this time on top of it was the guilt of sinning and confession .. so I left the church.. left christianity and became my own little mentor and I search for something that is missing in my life.. I need to find a loving God and I need to learn to love my SELF...
but more than anything, I need to discover the Goddess, to build a relationship with Her.... that is what I am trying to work through.. to let go of the guilt of having the Goddess in my life... to let go of the patriarchal teachings that are entrenched in my soul.... I need to believe that I am a divine immortal being...I want to connect, really connect with Mother Earth and Father Sky.... and this is the perfect time to begin... the new moon, a time of new beginnings... we are so lucky, we have many opportunities each year, to begin over...
and a big happy birthday to my Dad..I miss him... he was a good dad.. he did the best job he could with what he knew... he wasn't perfect but he was my friend.
now onto my journalling... "the past few days I have been trying to find 20 things that I like about myself.... and you know what? I can't think of one.... that is sad. I know it is because I was constantly told as a child that to love something about yourself is vain and I am trying so hard to work through it... I try the Louise Hay thing of looking in the mirror and telling myself that I love and accept myself exactly as I am.. but then I see the dark circles under my eyes etc, etc.
I have no idea who I am or what I want...is there really anyone on the other side? Am I searching as an escape? Am I wasting time ? affirmations, self help books.. reading, cards, journalling.....are my chakras balanced? am I asking in the right way. letting go of need, want and should.... the list goes on.... I am getting a little tired of this journey, the constant 'searching'.. what the hell am I searching for? I am sick of this journey.... sick of it!! why can't I put it down? why can't I say enough? and just get on with life? Why can't I be like other people and just party, chill out and enjoy the moment? all I want is someone to point me in the right direction.... just a little guidance. I know one thing though... and one of my soul's lessons is to learn to play, have fun and bring joy into my life.... for, so many of my past lives I have been a serious soul.. and this life-time is the time to let go of my serious-ness... fat chance... given I am a double Saturn ruled Capricorn, born on a Wednesday!"
of course, that was yesterday and I feel a little better today... thankfully. And it is the Dark of the Moon...
just sometimes, I wish I were more like my friends.. you know.. out to morning tea.. frivolites and fun, the latest music playing and getting together for under wear parties .. instead, I study reiki and crystal healing and have new age music playing .....