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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Wednesday, 7 November 2007

jumbled journal thoughts & a gift-away of sorts

I am de-cluttering and today, I am sorting through my hand-made santa clauses. Each year, for about 10 years, I have made a cloth or wooden santa and I have decided to sort through my collection and give some away. I am opening a new blog over the next few days and my regular commentors will have an opportunity to go in a daily give away for a hand made santa.. I want to get them out before Christmas.. if you are a regular commentor then please let me know if you are interested and I will invite you to the new blog soon. The new blog will only be gift-aways... this blog - Tales of Inglewood, will stay the same....

now onto my journalling... "the past few days I have been trying to find 20 things that I like about myself.... and you know what? I can't think of one.... that is sad. I know it is because I was constantly told as a child that to love something about yourself is vain and I am trying so hard to work through it... I try the Louise Hay thing of looking in the mirror and telling myself that I love and accept myself exactly as I am.. but then I see the dark circles under my eyes etc, etc.
I have no idea who I am or what I want...is there really anyone on the other side? Am I searching as an escape? Am I wasting time ? affirmations, self help books.. reading, cards, journalling.....are my chakras balanced? am I asking in the right way. letting go of need, want and should.... the list goes on.... I am getting a little tired of this journey, the constant 'searching'.. what the hell am I searching for? I am sick of this journey.... sick of it!! why can't I put it down? why can't I say enough? and just get on with life? Why can't I be like other people and just party, chill out and enjoy the moment? all I want is someone to point me in the right direction.... just a little guidance. I know one thing though... and one of my soul's lessons is to learn to play, have fun and bring joy into my life.... for, so many of my past lives I have been a serious soul.. and this life-time is the time to let go of my serious-ness... fat chance... given I am a double Saturn ruled Capricorn, born on a Wednesday!"

of course, that was yesterday and I feel a little better today... thankfully. And it is the Dark of the Moon...

just sometimes, I wish I were more like my friends.. you know.. out to morning tea.. frivolites and fun, the latest music playing and getting together for under wear parties .. instead, I study reiki and crystal healing and have new age music playing .....

31 comments:

Gill said...

I think we all feel like that sometimes, I know I do.
Who am I, what am I here for etc.

Dont try to hard Robyn, it will come in time.

Take care
{{hugs}}

Bimbimbie said...

ah Robyn Robyn Robyn *!*.... from someone who has only just nicely met you through your current blogs, I see someone who is insightful, giving freely of her knowledge and wisdom, generous and caring - oh yes you can be funny too ... now go put on that red cardigan and buy yourself the biggest fanciest cupcake your local bakery have waiting for you ..go on, off you go love & smiles *!*

Pixie said...

repeat after me... I am ok, I am gorgeous, I am me and that is ok.
I am made up of good and bad things but each balances the other. I do not have more bad than good. But i may have more good than bad.
I just need to let myself be alright being me.
love and hugs
pxx

do i count as regular reader yet? if so can I come to your new site?

peppylady said...

Something and sometimes list are great but other times there not.

I recently chance my "about me" on my blog and which I always have a hard time with. I want to list the things I like and there so many it was easier to list items I didn't like, just two.

So I'll take a bet there is a lot more good in you. warmth, humor, talent, always spoken honesty form the heart

Gemma said...

Robyn....the reason you are searching....is because you WANT to be found! The essence of you...that precious authentic child woman that you are....wants to be found and loved by you!!!
We out here all love you....for so many reasons....above all your Honesty and courage. You possess so many good qualities!!!Take it from me...I've been to those underwear parties...while they are a hoot....nothing compares to the essence of who you are!!
BTW I'm still a seeker....it's just more fun after you accept yourself.

Sweetpea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sweetpea said...

The more I read the more I see the similarities in you and my mum. So be who you are - as you are wonderful just as she was. I want to come to the new blog xxx

kim said...

I think it is very cool you study Reiki and Crystals. I start and stop so many things it get's silly after awhile!

You seem to be like me in the fact that I am a loner? Maybe, I am wrong. I enjoy being with myself. Don't get me wrong, I do like to go out and have play dates with friends, but most of the time I'd rather go it alone or with my husband.

I have spent a lot of time searching too. If it feels like work, it's not really fun or peaceful.

kim said...

BTW, don't forget to add me to the list for the new blog!!

Krissie said...

I know exactly where youre coming I have a whole huge draw of stuff..books, crystals, chakras stuff, self help and more.... so I KNow what youre saying. New blog...oh please send me the link!

A bird in the hand said...

Just be who you are, relax with it. That's easy to say, but it's a good thing to practise. As for reiki and crystals, that's part of who you are too and it's great because you have a magical side to you. I'm a seeker too, and eventually I stopped all the self-help books and questioning myself and wondering who I was, because I got so fed up and said I am who I am and it's time I started liking myself. Of course I'll always be a seeker; it's part of who I am !!

Much love. And please add me to your new blog.

XOXOXOXO

A bird in the hand said...

Reiki and crystals are part of who you are. We are seekers, not underwear partygoers (although there's nothing wrong with partygoing at all!). A little frivolity once in a while is good; I make my own frivolities :)))

It's about self-acceptance, and being who you are. You're well on your way, I'd say. xoxo

A bird in the hand said...

I see my first comment that Blogger told me didn't get through, did get through. That Blogger!

Sorry for the repetition. xo

Leanne said...

you rae very much like me in a lot of ways Robyn...and theres absolutely nothing wrong with being different , or with new age music and crystals etc!

I wish you could see in yourself what others see in you

please include me in your new blog

Leanne x

kathyann said...

Oh Robyn ,you are one of the most sincere ,lovely, caring and spitual person that I have been in contact with.You have been on a long journey with many hicups along the way but each time you have come back stronger, you are loved so much and all your blogging friends are with you in our thoughts and prayers.Take it from me its not all about partying and playing loud music and the round of underwear parties ,they are ok now and again,but we are who we are and some of us get pleasure from doing other things that others might find boring ,but I think they are the ones who are missing out. SO ROBYN BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!!Love and hugs Kathyann x

Monique said...

Hi Robyn, I understand what you mean !!!
I think the idea bimbimbie gave was super, the red cardigan and especially the delicious cupcake !!! ENJOY !!!

Sheila said...

It's because you are 'different' that I was drawn to you. Don't fret about being different, it's what makes you who you are, and so special.
I'm sure if you asked 20 people what they liked about you, you would have your 20 answers in no time. BUT, they might not be things you liked about yourself.
To get the ball rolling, how about your honesty, your sense of humour, your sense of adventure and that you are open to new discoveries...
big hugs
xx

Tracy said...

I can relate, Robyn! But I think you're special. :)

Please add me to your new blog. I love Santas.

kathyann said...

Hi Robyn,Thanks for your message on my blog and yes please I would like to be added to your list Many thanks Kathyann x

Autumn said...

Robyn
First of all, here is one thing you should like about yourself. You get people to thinking, you have a way of writting that speaks to the heart and I for one can't wait to read your next post. Even when you are feeling down I want to hear about it. You are a real woman with real emotions and I think that is what makes you so special.

*also please invite me to the new blog*

Sacred Suzie said...

There is nothing wrong with liking yourself and Robyn, you are a gem. You are deep, sensitive, giving, thoughful, powerful, knowledgable...I could go on and on! Embrace one thing you like and hold it close for a while. See how that feels.

I always love reading your blog so I would of course love the new one's address when it's ready.

I always wished I could be less serious and used to lose myself in alcohol sometimes and now I just enjoy who I am and find the light moments of joy when I can. I'm exhausted from trying to change myself. That kind of wasted energy leads to illness!

Hope Springs said...

I can understand where you are coming from. When we are told often enough something, we start to live it.

We are all seekers of that 'something' that makes us special. I also get tired of the journey sometimes. Just remember, it's ok to be you and to take a break sometimes. Sometimes, it can take more courage to admit we want a break than to continue. Trust yourself. In my opinion that is all you need to do.

Pennie said...

Oh Robyn..we must be on the same cycle. You always seem to write what I'm thinking. I know I could never come up with 20 things "good" about myself. Mine is because I grew up in an abusive household and always was told I was "worthless", "lazy" and "would never amount to crap"...and those are the "nice" ones...I dare not repeat some of the things I was called. =(
I too get tired of the journey and just wish I could be happy and do the same things with friends that you speak about...but I tend to be a loner...even on my birthday (today).
I also would love to join your "give-away" blog as I would love to own something that you've crafted yourself.
May our journeys get a little easier and mountains less trecherous to climb.
brightest blessings my new friend!

Rowan said...

I think the dark of this moon has been a very difficult time and that is a good deal of what is affecting you - this, too, shall pass. The rest of us aren't having any problem finding good things about you, you are open, creative, generous and appreciative of Mother Earth and all her gifts. And I agree with Leanne, there's nothing wrong with being different and liking new age music and crystals:)

amelia said...

I too find it easier to find things I don't like about myself than things I do like.

We all feel the way you are feeing now. Why ARE we here? If you find the answer, I'd sure like to know!!!!

Don't give up, keep pressing forward. You are such an amazing person.

Ninnie said...

Robyn I think you are great as you are. But I understand. Love Hugs and Blessings

solsticedreamer said...

Oh Robyn!
like others here i know how you feel...its good to be different, nothing wrong with crystals and new age music at all! what a dismal world if the female population were all rushing to underwear parties!

i would love to come to your new site too!

Moonroot said...

Dear Robyn,

I only know you through your lovely blog, but here are some things I like about you:
Your blog is always interesting, often touching and very beautiful; you are brave enough to do the soulsearching stuff - and then share it; you share your knowledge & wisdom with others; you are incredibly creative; you have a kind and pretty face; you are in tune with the land around you; I love reading your comments on my blog; you are a spiritual person; you write well...
I could go on!
I would love to be added to your new blog - and if your trip to Cornwall allows a side trip to Wales - let's meet in real life too.

Ruth said...

Sounds to me like your friends are just not on the same wavelength - I would find them boring too ;-) But keep searching and asking for help from spirit and you will find your soul friends eventually.

motherwintermoon said...

Dearest Robyn, you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

When I drop by, I see and feel your beauty, warmth, wisdom, courage, and generosity.

No need for underwear parties, (don't believe I've ever been to one!), you are cherished and LoVed for who you are, just as you are in this moment in time. xoxo

Doe Grozs Art said...

Yikes! This could be me talking!! I grew up thinking modestdy, being humble was important. Heaven forbid I boast about myself!:-o This search for self-love, self-acceptance and knowing our purpose on this earth has been my primary goal. Answers! I want Answers!!
A shaman once told me there were 5 Doreens and sometimes I wish it could be simpler.
A fellow searcher,
Doreen