"You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck!"
-- Jalal-Uddin Rumi

I am taking a break.... not sure how long I will be away.

a day, a week, a month, a year... ok.. that is dramatic.. I know.

but I am seeking the divinity that is within..... getting to know myself... spending time with my own inner friend, my sister soul, my mystical sister.

Tonight, I told the angels in no uncertain terms that if they don't start to help me with this damn soul search of mine... I am going to give it the flick... become totally irresponsible and flippant.....

why oh why can't I be like Cindi Lauper - girls just wanna have fun.... that's all they really want...

They just wanna, they just wanna
Oh girls-- girls just wanna have fun

missing the boat - so a bit of this and a bit of that

I went away on the weekend. We went to Mudgee - a wine producing area about 3 hours from our home.. so I missed the Full Moon... well posting about it anyhow. This full moon affected me in a very odd way .. much the same as a new moon does.. I felt lost and melancholy. But then I realized that it was 30 years since my first husband was killed in the car accident... and oddly enough, I dreamt about it on Saturday night... I think I may have a little grieving and forgiving of self to do on this.... even though it is a long time ago and I am very happily married... I didn't grieve when I was left a widow at 19 with a baby... and I also need to forgive my self for not allowing myself to grieve... I know it all sounds odd.. but that is how it is..

I also forgot to post my Sacred Life Sunday... but the way I was feeling last night.. not much was feeling sacred to me.. so I sat and meditated.... i think it was also a combination of no sleep and maybe a little too much champagne over the weekend. Being a sensitive.. alcohol doesn't do much for my spiritual self. But at least I danced the night away!
Below are some prayer flags in the colours of the chakras... they flap gently in the breeze just outside my bedroom door... these are sacred to me. I read the wise words and feel at peace. I sit under them while having my cup of tea and feel peace flowing down over my spirit.

this morning, when I realized that I didn't feel that there was alot that was sacred to me today.. I took myself off into my garden for a walk in the cool morning air and came across these flowers below.. Love in the mist... and immediately felt at peace.... like Love was in the mist around me... (yes, misty morning in Woodford today).... and then I thought of the white cockatoos that flew overhead yesterday when I returned home.. and how their raucous call has been reverberating throughout the bush during the past week... which always happens at this time of year...

and because of these cockatoos, I decided to call this Full Moon in November - the Cockatoo Moon.. I wandered around the garden some more.... feeling the peace descending on me.. I realized that I need a spiritual mentor... so I am going to manifest one.. call one in...

I realised that the Sacred in my life today is my garden and the peace I receive from it. A place to sit and ponder... a place to receive healing from Mother Earth.

Elder lore - from a different perspective

"If verdant elder spreads
Her silver flowers; if humble daisies yield
To yellow crowfoot and luxuriant grass,
Gay shearing-time approaches."
DYER

following on from trying to bring folk lore into my very own life, I have decided to forego posting most of the celtic tree lore that belongs to the Northern Hemisphere... here is a great link if you would like to read more: ELDER
although I have Celtic heritage from way back when, probably even back to the Spaniards, living here in Australia, the tree lore doesn't really relate much to my life. However, I still absolutely love folk lore, it is part of my soul heritage so I am going to do my very own take on the monthly celtic tree calendar.. the calendar will run the same as the Northern Hemisphere, i just want to post about how I can bring the folk lore into my home & life here. I tried to work out what our equivalent calendar would be by reversing it but it was all just too hard and I became even more confused than I already am....it could be hawthorn for me now but I don't have any of that here so.. I will stick to Elder (are you confused yet?) - at least I can work out the solstice trees for me.. not that we have many of the Northern hemisphere trees growing here anyway... *sigh*
Leanne from Somerset Seasons does a wonderful job posting folk lore for the different trees... here is her post on The Elder ELDER tree

Elder is the Lady's tree burn it not or cursed you'll be.

ELDER. It seems to be a member of the Sambuccus family... I wonder if this is where the drink Sambucca comes from and is Elderberry wine made from this ?.... I only know of elderberry wine because I grew up with Elton John in my later teenage years.. while I was hoppin' & boppin' to the crocodile rock....
All parts of the tree - bark, leaves, flowers and berries - have long enjoyed a high reputation in domestic medicine. From the days of Hippocrates, it has been famous for its medicinal properties. The bark can be used fresh for headaches or can be dried and powdered and used in small doses as a diuretic. The leaves and flowers can be made into drinks, poultices and salves and Elderberry flower water is useful for soothing sunburns. Washing her face in dew gathered from elderflowers was believed to enhance and preserve a woman's youthful beauty. The Romans made use of Elderberry juice as a hair-dye, and Culpepper tells us that 'the hair of the head washed with the berries boiled in wine is made black.'
The berries are safe to eat when eaten ripe, and they can be used to make wines, jams and teas.
If I had an Elder tree growing, I would love to make some tea and the Elderberry flower water would come in handy at this time of year with the inevitable sunburn that we all get at some stage of forgetting to slip, slop, slap.
I guess I could also set an altar up to honour the wisdom of the Elder tree for this celtic month..Nov 25 - Dec 23 , except that pretty much runs into summer solstice and then the dreaded christmas... so I think I will set up a little altar for a week or so, because I truly do want to honour this part of my soul heritage... The Elder is associated with the element of air, so I could perhaps use a feather to represent this element along with the gemstone dark green Malachite which is the appropriate gemstone. The bird associated with the month of Elder is the rook. We don't have rooks.. well I don't think we do but they do remind me of Daisy.. she had them near her, I think.
Elder is also called the "witch's tree" and certainly the village hedge-witch would have used the elder in healing and Magick. I guess I had one growing near me back when I lived in that past life.... these days, I don't heal with things like this... a smile and a cup of tea is healing, or even a kind word. Plus, if i tried to heal with Elder, I would have to take out insurance and go and study to get a certificate in herbalism.. inner wisdom doesn't count for much in this modern world of law suits and such...
The month of Elder includes the Winter Solstice, which is celebrated as the Sabbat of Yule, a day to mark the return of the Sun. see? definitely doesn't fit down here... our Sun returned awhile ago back in June...
The Elder has strong protective qualities. Tiny twigs of Elder or dried Elderberry can be worn in a bag around the neck as a charm for protection against physical or psychic attack. *I usually white light myself these days.. and ask the Angels to protect me* As a protection against evil Elder branches were hung in doorways of houses and cowsheds. *I like this idea, if I can find some, I am going to make myself a little twiggy thing to hang over my door and also one for my chook pen.* Elder can be used to bless a person, place or thing by scattering leaves and berries to the four directions, and over the thing or person being blessed. The wine made from the berries was considered the last sacred gift of the Earth Goddess, and was valued and drunk ritually to invoke prophecy, divination and hallucinations (I guess it is like red wine)

Standing under an elder tree at Midsummer, like standing in a Fairy Ring of mushrooms, will help you see the "little people ~ I just have to find some Elder... but I am sure if I stood under wise old eucalypt or even the coachwood at the Witches Leap, I would see the faeries...

christmas cake and Soul Care in the garden

usually at this time of year.. I am frantically making christmas fruit cake, my fruit would have been soaking and I may have one or two cakes aging in my pantry... but bringing my new found wisdom to the fore, I have decided to forgo tradition and instead, this year, I am going to make a chocolate yule log... and although it is not yule time for me.. it will go down well on christmas day.... along with my traditional trifle and a huge summer fruit platter... all washed down with copious amounts of champagne.. (because I need this to get through that day, when my family get together). I am going to bottle beetroot before Christmas to give away as gifts instead of the home-made fruit cake... organic beetroot bought from the local co-op and cooked to my Nan's recipe, using cloves & cinnamon

last weekend, I attended a workshop called 'soul care in the garden' - a whole day spent in a permaculture garden while we reflected on ourselves, and we were shown how we could care for our soul in the garden. The garden was full of fruit trees, a mulberry tree was heavy with fruit and we gathered baskets of them. The bird life was amazing and as i sat and pondered, a dragonfly hovered nearby. Butterflies abounded.. flitting from plant to plant...chickens clucked and scratched happily. Bees gathered pollen and lizards scurried across pathways. The sun shone in a cloudless sky and a gentle breeze wafted across my skin as i sat in a swing chair, just sitting contemplating on who I was and what I loved. Chimes tinkled in the breeze, bringing peace and tranquility to the day and to my soul.
We had time to journal our thoughts and here are my random writings:-
first of all we had to write our childhood memories of gardens: the willow tree at Nana's, how it hid us from all the wild animals that were in our imaginary jungle, comforting me as I sat on a cushion, broken hearted by life's injustices, nurturing me and whispering kind words to my soul. the gorgeous hydrangeas that grew in half gallon drums along my grandmother's pathways, Grandfather's vegetable patch and how he chewed a bit of this and a bit of that as he worked in his garden, knowing exactly how each plant would heal. Rios growing over the old shed in the backyard and the delicious pies that Grandma would make from them, climbing the berry tree and sitting in the branches as I talked to the faeries....

and then WHO AM I? oooh what a difficult task this is for me always.... I am a person who loves silence.... silence from modern noise. I am a person who wants to find perfect peace for my soul. I am a person who believes in faeries. I am a person who whants to discover who I really am and get to know ME.....am I like a garden? a lot buried under the soil, waiting to be watered and given light so that I can bloom again?

and then, WHAT DO I LOVE? - ahh this was an easy one..... I love butterflies, dragonflies and the sounds of chickens clucking in the garden, I love the memory of making daisy chains, I love foxgloves and parsley, hoverflies and bumblebees. I love the jumble of confusion of plants spilling over old gates and teapots. I love sweet honesty and rose-campion together with roses and irises. Confusion in the garden brings peace to my soul. a perfect balance - the yin and yang.

and as I sat and thought about me.. a butterfly flew by and I asked it if butterflies had souls (which brings me to another question - do animals have souls.. but I will leave that to another post)... just a mental thought and I 'heard' this: of course we do... we are alive, we have wisdom, we are here to remind you to go about your day but to have fun while you do... a childlike fun and as you go, you will find peace in your soul, the peace you crave. See how we chase each other, enjoying the moment? our work still gets done but we flitter as we go.... have fun dear Robyn. Be the butterfly that you are, flitter through life on butterfly wings....

and as I sat and pondered some more - I realised that this is what I am to do... take time out and just sit in my garden. I will come to know myself as I sit and close my eyes, take notice and BE STILL.

WAKE UP WORLD !!!!

PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION STOP WHALING !

follow Greenpeace & the Esperanza on board the Esperanza

I wasn't going to post today... but I just heard on the news that the Japanese whaling fleet is on its way to the South Pacific to slaughter 1000 whales,they intend killing more than 1000 whales in the name of science, including 50 endangered humpbacks . I am so angry but even more - I am sad. What is the need to slaughter these gorgeous animals? Scientific research the Japanese say. that is just pure bullshit (and I make no apologies for swearing here) ..something needs to be done... it is time that the whole world woke up to all of this endless killing of our gorgeous, gorgeous Earth and her 'peoples' . I wonder if protests or signing petitions ever work or if these kind of people just bulldoze through life having no thought except for themselves and how much money they can make from doing something like this... it is a well known fact that the sushi business is a very profitable one. what can one person in Woodford do, really? is there any hope at all?

STOP WHALING BLOG

my cornish pixie ~ sacred Sunday

some things are just sacred. for no particular reason except for the memories that they bring back.. to tug at your heart.

my Pa, the one who is my connection to Cornwall.. use to call me 'his little pixie' , when I was a little girl. He also called me Miss Robyn... and that is where my blogging name comes from. I had forgotten completely of the pixie name until the other day when I was sorting through my childhood treasures and I came across my silver mug that was given to me by my Nanna and Pa when I was christened.. the one I drank my milk from when I was a baby, the one that is tarnished with age because I don't believe in polishing the silver. And I gasped as I remembered the little silver pixie that is on the front.... my little silver pixie mug - sacred to me, sacred to my inner child.

Angel of the Ritual

When people think of angels, they think flowing robes and halos. But in the Bible, they also look like ordinary people. Why not today?
JOAN WESTER ANDERSON, In the Arms of Angels

about a year or so ago, about the time I completed my first reiki level, I started to draw.... I would be sitting meditating or pondering and I would 'feel' beings around me....and I knew I had to draw them. Then it stopped... the urgent need to get these beings down... then after Daisy died, I felt an angel, I could see it in my minds eye... and I started to draw, oil pastels and chalks flying madly across the page... closed the book and promptly forgot about it. ... until last Monday... when I was doing the usual Monday madness of cleaning my bathrooms, stripping the sheets and vacuuming... and I suddenly remembered the angel drawing I had done.... I turned the vacuum off and raced to find that drawing ..... and there she was.... my Angel of the Ritual.... the one who had stopped to speak to me when I was in the 'cave' - the one who told me that we all search.... the one with the azure blue eyes ringed with gold..


it is not an exact likeness....she wasn't dressed in red, nor was her heart visible... the green 'wings' could be the Eucalypt trees behind her.... but the eyes and hair are the same...some things you just can't explain... . I am actually going to finish it now, making it into a collage of sorts.. and hang it in my sacred space.

I ... believe that angels, or something like them, sometimes live among us, hidden within our fellow human beings.
JOHN PERRY BARLOW, The Death of Cynthia Horner

rambling thoughts, a shift in my soul, a wander through my garden and two blogs I simply must tell you about

over the past few days, I have been allowing things to settle... as well as the continuing decluttering... a few of you have asked if I feel any different and I guess I do in a way.. a very subtle difference.. a kind of shift in my soul... an acceptance of the way things are, the way things are meant to be.
On Monday as I was cleaning my bedroom.... you know - the stripping sheets, vacuuming and dusting and making my bedroom into a sacred haven ....... I got to thinking and as my mind wandered, I thought of my search for who I am, my life purpose and why I chose to live in Australia in this life...... I had realized something or maybe it was a message from the angels, or maybe I was in that moment truly in touch with my higher self.
In this lifetime...... I am to find a way to celebrate the Wheel of the Year in a modern way.... to read and research ancient folk lore but to bring it into these times so that it works in my own life...encompassing all of my journey... including Mary.. who is the Earth mother.... our Goddess, Gaia.... and if I can't find Rowan or Holly or any other tree that is needed to hang on my door to keep evil spirits out... then I can use eucalypt, apple or a bunch of lavender... because it is the intention that counts..... my ancestors used what they had at hand... they didn't travel miles to find just the right tree.... they went into their garden and used what was growing.... that is what being in touch with the nature, the sacred, means... and all plants & trees have wisdom...
so not much more to tell, well there is more, but I need to let it settle in my soul and grow... and will share some more soon.
And I thought I would show you a little of my garden ... come down the garden path.... and we find some herbs growing... feverfew, yarrow and love-in-the mist....

the roses are delightful right now... as you walk through my garden, it is like a perfumed Heaven

and foxgloves.... the faeries must be delighted to have such an array of hats to choose from! These foxgloves self seeded from the original garden in 1917.

and before I go.. I want to tell you about two blogs first of all Ruth.... someone that I found when searching blogs who were interested in Hedgewitchery..... amazingly, she lives in Cumbria. Over the past few weeks, we have been getting to know each other and she has decided to open an online wise woman circle.... take a look: WISE WOMAN CIRCLE. I am going to join as soon as I shake this chest thing I have.... and the other blog I want to share today is Hearthtalks a blog by a catholic nun who kind of follows the wheel of the year... alot of wisdom in both of these blogs... have a little peek when you have time

my croning~goddess ritual

well, I did it! early Saturday morning i gathered together all the rocks and items of nature, the wise words and cards from my lovelies all over the world.... I packed them into a basket along with the candle that Judie sent me and some incense that Blue sent me... matches, a white tablecloth, my reading glasses and camera... and I drove to Katoomba Falls lookout, stopping on the way to buy myself a coffee and pain au chocolat... a girl has to have sustenance!... the rain stopped as I got out of the car and as I walked to the 'cave' I felt at one with Mother Earth.. the air is fresh in Katoomba, no smog or pollution.. pure and earthy after rain... I drank in the wetness of the trees and noticed the O'Yarrarng growing everywhere.. the sacred herb used by Aboriginals to smudge.... I arrived at the shelter and proceeded to take a photo as I set up... first of the 'cave'

sorry about the fuzziness of the photo, it was misty..

and then the batteries went flat.... ok Universe, I get the message... a solitary ritual is just that... not shared with anyone.. a sign that this was truly meant to be a solitary venture....I then saw that someone had 'grafittied' on the wall the words: 'Our Lady of Guadalupe'.... that is all that was written. So I began.... I set up my altar.. laying the white tablecloth, lighting the candle and incense and setting all the gorgeous nature items out along with the words..... and I settled myself on the comfy cushion. I realized then, that I had forgotten to pack my journal and a pen... great.. I had to remember anything that came to mind instead of writing it down as it came to me. And I started reading... and gasping, and realizing, and crying and feeling at one with each of you who were lighting candles and thinking of me at that very moment... I felt Daisy there, whispering to me to let all the self-help books go for the time being and to settle into this goddess time of mine... the time for the books will come but I need to just be with myself and to absorb all these wise words... and as I read.. a man ran past and startled me....he just said 'sorry' and went on.... so I let go of my embarassment that i had been feeling earlier... it is ok to be me.. no-one is thinking anything of my 'ways'..this lovely message came to my mind. And I read further, feeling so loved and cared for and each word made sense to me... each and every word helped me ~ alot ... then a woman walked past and gasped ~ "what are you doing? You look like you are very spiritual"... and I explained about my birthday coming up, and about Daisy and about all my lovely friends and how they had written some words of wisdom for me to read on this my croning ceremony. I told her about my search through life ~ she told me that we all search, it is what we are meant to do and that we are all connected... and I asked her how old she was... 54 she told me... and we looked at each other with a knowing.....then she told me that she had sold her home in London and had bought an old house in the wilds of Scotland. She had retired from a high powered job, due to ill health and was now travelling the sacred areas of the world.. I told her of my ancestors in Cornwall and how I wanted to visit and I told her of my connection to Wales and Scotland and she told me that Scotland is a very special place and asked me if I had a pen as she would love me to visit her if I ever get to Scotland... of course, I didn't. And her words:'well, it wasn't meant to be'..... she wished me luck with my journey and as she walked away, I noticed her deep azure blue eyes, the pupils ringed with gold...... she was an angel. I am sure of it.

so I continued reading and tears streamed down my face...... until I finally finished reading, knowing that I must take them again, to Juliets Balcony, when it is sunny & dry and read them all again.... I packed up my things.. wishing I could take a photo of the mist in the gully and putting my camera away, I thought i would try it again.. and it worked... but you know... I didn't take a photo because it just didn't feel right.....as I walked back to the car, I picked a small piece of o'yarrarng to take home for my altar...and the first car that drove past me had the number plates :ANG 111. the angels were with me! then it started to pour with rain.

so now I am in-utero as a crone, absorbing all the wisdom that has been given to me.... awaiting my birth on January 1st 2008.... to burst forth into my Goddess years... and this tale is my contribution to Sacred Sunday....


Australians will pause for a minute's silence at 11am today to remember the sacrifice of Australian soldiers who died fighting for the nation.
At the 11th hour on the 11th day on the 11th month Australia, and other countries around the world, will mark the anniversary of the armistice, which ended The Great War in 1918.

God

today, I woke to the rain pouring down... the new moon.. the day I was supposed to go to Juliet's Balcony to read all my letters for my Croning ceremony... but paths are washed away and become treacherous. There are no snakes or spiders in the rain but leeches in their millions come out in the damp rainforest area that I walk in and I have a bigger fear of leeches than I do of snakes... both past life memories (*note to self - work on this*).....so this morning.. I am going to take a candle, some incense and all the lovely words of wisdom from Goddess friends, buy myself a cup of coffee from Bakehouse on Wentworth and go to a 'cave' at a favourite lookout and read these words and write my thoughts down in my journal....I will take a photo of the mist over the valley and maybe my aboriginal guide will be with me... I know that Dad and daisy will be! Today, the new moon in Scorpio.. a time when the veil between worlds is exceptionally thin....

I struggle with God. I am scared of God... and don't have a true or good relationship with the creator.. called God, the Universe or the Goddess....I struggle with a true connection to Her, I feel guilty if I connect with the Goddess and bypass the God of my childhood.....

I am the girl on the right!

I was born into a Anglican family, my Dads' parents were Independent and held their church in their home every Sunday... but as a child, I was sent to the local Anglican Sunday school, yes off to Sunday school I would go... like a good little girl.. dressed in my good dress with gloves, hat and handbag...... We had a minister, Mr Rawson who seemed about 100 years old back then... he stood up at the pulpit every Sunday, shaking his fist and telling us we would all go to hell... 'fear God' he said.. and I did.. and thus began my fear of God. I joined the seventh day adventists when I was about 14.. having signed up for a 'free' bible' and then having to do a course of lessons... I thought I had found what I was looking for.... but no, they had that same God who was fearful and more 'guilt' was heaped on as I was continually told that I was a bad person and would go to hell..... I let go of any kind of belief through out my teenage years, as we do... but always i wondered why I was here... what did I have 'to do'.... and through my twenties, I searched for that God that I heard about.. the God who is Love... that God who is my divinity... the one who loves me.. when I was 30, I converted to Catholicism.. a wonderful priest took me under his wing and became my mentor.. then he retired and moved.. a new priest.. and back to hell fire and brimstone but this time on top of it was the guilt of sinning and confession .. so I left the church.. left christianity and became my own little mentor and I search for something that is missing in my life.. I need to find a loving God and I need to learn to love my SELF...

but more than anything, I need to discover the Goddess, to build a relationship with Her.... that is what I am trying to work through.. to let go of the guilt of having the Goddess in my life... to let go of the patriarchal teachings that are entrenched in my soul.... I need to believe that I am a divine immortal being...I want to connect, really connect with Mother Earth and Father Sky.... and this is the perfect time to begin... the new moon, a time of new beginnings... we are so lucky, we have many opportunities each year, to begin over...

and a big happy birthday to my Dad..I miss him... he was a good dad.. he did the best job he could with what he knew... he wasn't perfect but he was my friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

DAISY

XOXO

jumbled journal thoughts & a gift-away of sorts

I am de-cluttering and today, I am sorting through my hand-made santa clauses. Each year, for about 10 years, I have made a cloth or wooden santa and I have decided to sort through my collection and give some away. I am opening a new blog over the next few days and my regular commentors will have an opportunity to go in a daily give away for a hand made santa.. I want to get them out before Christmas.. if you are a regular commentor then please let me know if you are interested and I will invite you to the new blog soon. The new blog will only be gift-aways... this blog - Tales of Inglewood, will stay the same....

now onto my journalling... "the past few days I have been trying to find 20 things that I like about myself.... and you know what? I can't think of one.... that is sad. I know it is because I was constantly told as a child that to love something about yourself is vain and I am trying so hard to work through it... I try the Louise Hay thing of looking in the mirror and telling myself that I love and accept myself exactly as I am.. but then I see the dark circles under my eyes etc, etc.
I have no idea who I am or what I want...is there really anyone on the other side? Am I searching as an escape? Am I wasting time ? affirmations, self help books.. reading, cards, journalling.....are my chakras balanced? am I asking in the right way. letting go of need, want and should.... the list goes on.... I am getting a little tired of this journey, the constant 'searching'.. what the hell am I searching for? I am sick of this journey.... sick of it!! why can't I put it down? why can't I say enough? and just get on with life? Why can't I be like other people and just party, chill out and enjoy the moment? all I want is someone to point me in the right direction.... just a little guidance. I know one thing though... and one of my soul's lessons is to learn to play, have fun and bring joy into my life.... for, so many of my past lives I have been a serious soul.. and this life-time is the time to let go of my serious-ness... fat chance... given I am a double Saturn ruled Capricorn, born on a Wednesday!"

of course, that was yesterday and I feel a little better today... thankfully. And it is the Dark of the Moon...

just sometimes, I wish I were more like my friends.. you know.. out to morning tea.. frivolites and fun, the latest music playing and getting together for under wear parties .. instead, I study reiki and crystal healing and have new age music playing .....

a few awards...chatter, a bit of a laugh at myself and missing celtic tree lore

Not much happening here in Woodford right now... we have had a lot of rain the past few days and my garden is sodden.. the damn snails have eaten my new beans, my tomatoes are thriving, the lavender needs a good pruning and I have just about finished my mulching. At the moment, I am trying to work out what I am going to make for my 'Yule' craft because even though I am on the opposite side of the wheel of the year to the Northern Hemishpere, where it is really Yule in December, the powers that be, dictate to me that it is Christmas here, in December.. of course, it doesn't make sense but who am I to argue? If it were just me, then I would ignore all the silly christmas hype and celebrate it in June when it should be celebrated on Winter Solstice, but with my grandchildren, i must make memories.. so I continue my mixed up celebrations, thinking to myself that for some odd reason, I chose this life... all will be revealed oneday, I hope. However, this year is going to be different... and I will share as I go along during December.
The 'true moment' of Beltaine is coming up for me, traditionally Beltaine is October 31/November1 .. but I have decided to celebrate this year on Wednesday as it suits me.... so will be posting about my Beltaine rituals, soon... I truly am feeling such a peace in my soul at the moment... I still have a soul lonliness but I am going with it.. I am sure there is something to learn from it all....

A while ago, there was an advertisement in our local paper.. wanting people who were interested in celebrating Ostara - spring equinox with a picnic in a local park... I was going to go but then Daisy died and mum had her operation and well, i kind of retreated... last week, I received a phone call from the organizer who wants to start her own wiccan group... so I went along the other day to meet her.... she was quite young and very intense and has definite ideas... and quite gothic... that is ok by me.. she was sitting there asking me all sorts of questions and I was asking her a few, but feeling quite uneasy with the intense-ness of it all and deciding in my head that it wasn't really for me... when she asked how I felt about doing ritual 'skyclad' (naked) - I just about choked.... I am not a prude but there is no way that i am prancing around naked in front of people i don't know, or anyone else for that matter.. lord, I didn't know what to say... she kept going on about how liberating it was - yeah right. So I told her i was not at all interested and she said to think about it and let her know... so I said my good byes and just about ran back to the car as if I were chased by demons.... got in the car, slammed the door and laughed and laughed myself silly.... another lesson learned.... it seems to me that whoever is in charge 'up there' has a sense of humour.

Over the past few weeks, I have been awarded quite a few awards... I never liked these things to be truthful..they always seemed to be handed out willy nilly... but over the past days, I have been thinking about them and I now accept awards with honour... that women on the other side of the world think of me in these ways, really does touch me in a different way lately. I am to pass them on but I am only going to pass on each award, once.
so with honour I accept these awards:

from Grace at the Wild Pomegranate, I accept the Beautiful Blog design award: 'has a unique visual flavor which really just makes my senses go “ahh”, every time I visit - and a brilliant human as well' - thankyou Grace... honestly, your words made me cry..so I pass this award on to: Suzie, at Suzie's Sacred space, a place that is peaceful, a place to take refuge from the busy-ness of life.


the Halloween sweet treat award from Moonroot and even though it is Beltaine for me she gave me the award.. for my 'Samhain' post about my ancestors... and I just have to pass this on to Peggy... if you haven't seen what she does with her goats at this time year.. go over quick! Peggy is one of my first blogging friends and has stuck by me through all my ups n downs xo Hidden Haven
I know there are more but for the life of me.. I can't remember where I put them.. so I will continue my search and when I find them, I will pass them on.

Oh and I know I missed this months Celtic Tree Lore which was Reed... just couldn't get my head around it.. I had the post half finished but well, stuff happens.... so I will be posting about Elder at the end of November for the 13th Moon of the Celtic Year - I know Daisy is wanting me to continue with this.. so that I can learn and pass it on.