in shock

I had a wonderful post all ready to put up here.. about a walk that I went on today.. but instead, I need to post about my grief. You see, the Wise Woman group that I have been going to every fortnight for 18mths has disintegrated into pieces.. a million pieces it seems. circumstances, personalities and emails have put a wedge between members, things happened that shouldn't have and the woman who first gathered us together has decided to disband the group. I am just devestated. I am going through grief and feel like I have lost my tribe. And right now, I don't what to do or who to turn to. ... and here I was trying to turn my blog into a happy place. But I had to be true to myself with this.. getting it out will help.

I just cannot stop crying about it. I feel lost.

if only people would think twice before pressing the send button.

me included.

looking for a sense of Identity ~ a sense of self

following along the Artists Way.. I needed desperately to find an object that represents my identity. And I stumbled. what? what was something that could truly represent me. or rather something that I could relate to as my identity. there were many I pulled from my thoughts.. but one? I looked around my home.. rosary beads hanging from mirrors and picture frames, exuding a sense of identity somewhere for me, crosses? no, even though I have many of them here at Inglewood, there was just too much religious dogma attached to that symbol for me.. was it the many pieces of Cornwall that I had around my home? the rocks & shells, the photos,? no, even though my roots were there, I didn't feel a connection to those items for my self. then I realised that what it was for me was the Divine Feminine... St. Therese, Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene. When I looked at the many statues I have, I felt a sense of identity. that was me.

at first, I didn't want to really acknowledge this because of the connection to the formalised religion that most associate with these women... but after sitting with that thought for awhile, I realised that those connections were actually man-made, they were not really what my spirit was identifying with...

what my spirit was identifying with was that these women, mortal just like me, trusted their inner wisdom. They followed their spirit, even if they had no idea where it would lead, they trusted in the Universe. And each time I look at the statues in my home, I connect with that in myself. my sense of identity. my wisdom. My Divine Feminine within.

the waiting game

at the moment my life seems full of waiting. waiting for the test results from my checkup ~ all seems well but until I have that letter saying so, I still hop around from one leg to another.. waiting..

*a jar of old marbles that belonged to my dad
and waiting for the birth of my new grandson ~ Charlie to be born. any day now for the next week or so.. the phone rings and I jump ~ is it time to go and be there to welcome him into the world? My bag is packed ready. Complete with my Selenium wand to massage my daughters back. A Moss agate for her to hold while she has contractions and some eucalyptus leaves to represent being born of this land Australia. so that he will belong.

and I wait in anticipation for dutch husband to decide whether or not to splurge on a totally indulgent second Harley Davidson ~ a little bit of a rebel streak this one will be. For us to go for coffee or a day ride...I am totally encouraging him on this one ~ he works so hard and you just never know what is around the corner in life, so enjoy it right now is what I say to him.. but somehow, I don't think I will have to twist his arm.

it's that time again.

oil painting by Desiree Bogart
(Dutch husbands mother ~ an amazingly strong woman)
today I visit the Oncologist for my yearly checkup. I will be fine ~ with all the strong women around me, I cannot help but be fine!

catch a falling star & put it in your pocket

when I was a little girl, whenever my mum & dad had a fight, I would go outside. It was usually at night.. I would take myself outside and sit under the big old gum tree and fall deep into the abyss of the dark night sky, looking up at the stars. Those stars made me feel safe. the twinkles and sparkles made me believe that magick was up there, shining down on me. protecting me... each one sprinkling stardust. And when my ex-husband left me, I did the same thing.. I went outside and sat under the stars, my heart breaking. The Wise Men followed a star and I followed mine: as I sat under those stars, with a broken heart, they whispered that my soul mate had not yet come.. they would lead me to him..and with those whispers, my heart began to heal.. and after awhile, I found my Star in the body of Dutch husband.

Stars are magick,and to me they are a safety net. when I look up into the big night sky, I feel a sense of protection, a sense of safety.

and the surprise that Dutch husband gave me last weekend?

a pair of antique dress up faery wings complete with stars.
owned by a long time little girl of unknown origins... did she sit out under those same stars and wonder? what brings you a sense of safety?.. what brings a sense of safety to your world?

responsibility and spontaneity

today was one of those days, when my spirit wanted to fling off responsibility and jump on the back of the bike and ride like the wind.. the day was a brilliant early spring day.. but duty and responsibility called in the form of a very neglected verandah. Neglected throughout winter for no other reason than it was too cold to venture out to even sweep. With the whisper of spring in the air, the every now and then breeze with a tiny sliver of warmth tucked between the folds, I decided to make ready my summer time nook.

stones gathered at the beach, last summerthe place I escape to on those hot days where I can do nothing else but languish in the heat.. the place where I recline on the old settee, the same old settee that becomes home to spiders in winter.

The place where I sit and sip mint tea with lavender flowers, the place where I dream & travel to exotic places in the world. The place where, if I closed my eyes for just a minute, I am whisked to a tropical location where I am fanned gently with large palm fronds.
the day continued just as it started.. warm, what they call perfect riding weather. It all got the better of me in the end. . .

the bike beckoned...
lucky the biker babe in me was assertive and pushed me to take advantage of this weather, reminding me that tomorrow it could rainthe weather was just too nice to pass up a quick ride...

and lunch with dutch husbandthen, to finish off a most perfect day, we sat together in the car at Echo Point, eating pizza while a spectacular light show courtesy of Mother Nature took place in the valley below.
(dutch husband surprised me today with a gift from his heart...in a few days I will show & tell)
** the term 'dutch husband' was adopted from an idea by Corey of Tongue in Cheek. She calls her husband 'French husband'. I liked the idea so much, that I took it on as well..

angels whisper

last night as I slept the angels whispered...what do you wish to create... who do you wish to be....
I wish to create my very own life, not one that is woven of other peoples dreams.. one that is designed from my very own soul loves. I wish to see my life through my own eyes...I wish to discover my own creative self; to create a life that is full of wonder and surprise. one full of romance, hope and laughter. a life full of curiousity. I wish to discover magick around every corner

in every cupboard.
and behind every door
I want to be like a spoon... running away with the dish....dancing and creating just like they stir the soups & the custards... being who they are, doing what they were created to do.
I wish to wear my own hat.. not that of someone else's..

I wish to create words that make souls sigh as if they have just discovered heaven....

today we eat cake

a busy day today... cooking Pea & Ham soup made from my friend Maureen's recipe, apples and prunes simmering on the stove for breakfast... a little bit of housework.. a walk
and then we eat cake..

to celebrate this little girl's 20th birthday... who has grown into a gorgeous young woman:

Happy Birthday Miss Sophie!

does God read blogs?

Dear God,
it is really cold in Woodford today... I was planning on spending some time in my garden, but each time I step outside the door, my bones ache and my insides shiver. So I race back inside to snuggle in front of the fire that Dutch husband lit for me this morning. It is so cosy. the little girl inside of me cries that she doesn't want to go outside .. not today.
I have this little voice in my head that keeps telling me that I am lazy and should get outside and do some work and that voice is making me feel guilty.
Please tell that voice to go away. I don't like it anymore. I promise that when it is warm, that I will get outside in the garden and work away and I won't complain about the heat (well not much)

with thanks and love, Robyn

a touch of Full Moon in August

I woke yesterday with a head as Full as the Moon herself...there was a walk being organised in my mind.. but as the day went on, I knew that the walk would not happen.. so I did the next best thing.. I took a little stroll around my garden.. the purple of the violets called to me..bending over, I chose only 3 violets to adorn my altar.


French Cafe music playing in the background, I organised and sorted my kitchen... then a little nap in readiness for my massage that afternoon.

some buckwheat pasta with the last of my home-grown broccoli tossed in olive oil.. a little fetta cheese all sprinkled with cracked black pepper for dinner... and so to bed.

Imbolc time

according to the traditional wheel of the year it was Imbolc on August 1st. According to planetary alignments, the true moment of Imbolc is August 7th... since I have been following the wheel of the year, I always tried to celebrate on the day.. and I stressed if I missed it... but now, I tend to believe that these days don't fall on any one day,.. the changing of the seasons happens gradually, seeping into the days with signs from Nature...

a bee snuggling in an Imbolc plum blossomyes, the bees know that it is time to visit my garden.. the very first blossoms are opening. I must look back to last year to see if they were blooming at the same time.

a time when you can sit outside in the sunshine, sipping champagne, knowing that later that day, you will be gathering kindling to light a fire
Yesterday we had breakfast at my friend Peter's. We sat out on his deck, looking out over his gorgeous garden, which is showing signs of Imbolc. The snowdrops and bluebells are in flower. The magpies are beginning to gather bits to make their nests, the early jonquils are in perfumed glory.

even fresh fruit reminds of spring to come
sitting out in the sun, warming ourselves as we chatted and laughed..knowing that tomorrow the cold August wind could be blowing. That is what Imbolc is... half winter-half spring. a time when part of you wants to get out in the garden and the other wants to stay snuggling in front of the fire, not quite wanting to wake from the winter slumber.. but the blood is beginning to flow. and there is no stopping it. the wheel turns constantly.

my gluten free bread looked golden in the Imbolc sunshineInglewood is a little higher in the mountains than Peter's home, so my garden is a little behind Peter's garden, where bulbs bloom profusely right now.

the dill is in its brillian green.. and I have no idea why I planted it in the first place. I don't particularly like dill.. but it is a good companion plant for carrots and the good bugs love it! so I let it self seed with wild abandon.

and dad's rock orchid.. or rock lily as he called it, is sending a little flower up..this is a native rock orchid.. dad found it on my uncles property many years ago and it has moved with me to various homes, over time... each year, it sends up flower stalks of the most exquisite white waxy flower... and even though dad has been gone for many years now.. each time this blooms it reminds me of him.. it reminds me that it doesn't matter what happens in life.. the wheel turns regardless. And to function, we need to turn with that wheel and not fight it... welcome to Imbolc time at Woodford
there is another post up at my cancer blog.. and I am thinking of working through the Artists Way. I loved it the first time and I think Imbolc is the perfect time to get my creativity flowing again (if anyone is interested, maybe I could set up a blog.)