"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Sunday, 15 June 2008

you've come a long way baby.... my thoughts on Daisy

one year ago today...... (even though the date was actually June 16th.. today I mark the anniversary as I will never forget THAT Sunday morning......)

a year ago today, I woke to an inbox full of emails and I didn't know why... each one said 'I am so sorry Robyn, my thoughts are with you'... one said 'Robyn,go to Daisy's blog!' and as I read, I felt stunned, had no idea.. until I came to one from Sweet-pea.. telling me that her mum had died during the night.... I just gulped and felt sick, sick to my soul, so I 'raced' over to "cats in the kitchen, flora in the garden' hoping it was not true, but there it was, my dearest friend had left this life. I was stricken with grief, truly. I ran and told Joe and he hugged me while I sobbed. .....

I blogged, then I stopped, then I blogged some more:
still Wednesdays child

(from my journal):the day she passed over, a blackbird visited my garden. an english blackbird, not a crow. It sat and looked at me for quite awhile, just looking and turning its head every now and then. It was a standing joke between Daisy and I - these blackbirds are not a native to our country and a family have taken my garden on as their home.. they throw mulch off, left right and centre and I would often complain about them.. Daisy advised to leave them be as they eat snails. I hadn't seen one in my garden for over two months.. they usually disappear at this time of year, but there she was, sitting on a branch near my back door.

a whole year... where has that time gone? Not a day goes by without me thinking of my twin soul and I still feel pangs of missing her, so, so much. Of what would have been when I met her on my trip to Cornwall next year, going to see her much loved Dene Cottage and walking around her village and through the magickal places that she talked about on her blog.... I know she is with me, leading me, guiding me but not being in the flesh... well, it is kind of second best, know what I mean?
I miss organising a time to meditate together, I miss her wisdom and her teachings, I miss her advice and support. I miss our connection with Cornwall, I miss her Daisy ramblings on her blog (I still read it often), I miss her telling of her twinkling lights in her bedroom, of her faery adventures, of her burning incense and snuggling with hot chocolate, of her cooking delights for her children..... I dreadfully miss HER.

And I know this is going to sound quite sad.. but I miss the Sabbat gifts... each Sabbat we would each send to the other a small gift to celebrate... nothing much, just bits n pieces... Daisy always sent me some incense that she ordered specially from the Goddess and the Green Man and other bits of magick appropriate to the sabbat.. I miss that.. I miss gathering bits to send to her, waiting in anticipation for her to open her gift and finding out how she loved it all.. I miss it all dreadfully. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her in some way.
Last year just before she passed, she emailed me and told me that she had sent my Yule gift..

"I am posting your yule bundle to you today, unfortunately, it is not as symbolic of the Winter Solstice as I would have liked, but a nice package anyways. You know what it is like looking for Yule stuff in June. Hope it gets to you in time, and nasty customs don't keep it for a month this time."

and I received it a few days after she died and mine to her arrived after she had passed.

In my package was a string of blue butterflies that I hung above my bed and each morning as i wake up, I see them... and remember Daisy. She also sent me a bundle of fabrics from her collection and I just never knew what to do with them.. so I have decided to make two podlings... one for me and one to give away to someone who knew her through blogging...
(see below)

I look back on my emails from the days just after Daisy's death, from all my blogging friends - Ninnie who shared her OK story with me, talking to Gemma on the phone, Denise calling me from the UK and talking to me on yahoo, Colette for her wise words of support, Tinker for her love, Swampy who I didn't know at all, for his kind words, Sheila for her constant emails to make sure I was ok... Kim..Rowan for her emails, Julie....Annie, Krissie & Annie*!* Amelia, who doesn't have a blog but took the time to email me ....I can't begin to put everyone down and for everyone mentioned, there are two or three more... all supporting and caring me through what I think of as one of THE worst times of my life and I still feel a well of thanks.... and I say THANKYOU for that. It helped get me through one of the saddest times of my life.

I think of Sweet-Pea and how she is going...of how Dene Cottage is... how the garden is and how her 'other half' is coping.... how her son is going and how her mother is faring..... and I hope that oneday, soon, I will be able to see all of that in person.

I have come a long way, I have grown, stumbled. questioned, complained. Cried and cried some more..... But I have grown. I have come to a good place and I have met many new friends, some of whom I feel a real connection to.. ... but yes, still missing Daisy dreadfully...

so to those who have stuck by me in the past year: a huge thankyou! You are all angels in my life xoxo

** a podling is a Daisy creation... she sent me the first one she ever made. watch my blog for details over the next week... open to those people who knew Daisy... for those of you who didn't I have a little gift-away in her memory !

*Did you know Celts considered daisies to be the spirits of children who died at birth.
*In Christian legend daisies represent the tears of Mary Magdalene; each tear she shed in repentance became a daisy upon touching the earth.

and I still cannot bring myself to delete her from my Yahoo chat list... it will be just all too final


peppylady said...

It amazing how friendship is started and grows though these blog.
I never real knew Daisy but others spoke well of her.
Reading blogs I felt every emotion from angry to I'm falling off my chair laughing.

I like the daisy as a flower so simple.
Simple things in life are the best.

sorrow11 said...

I have often felt I know Daisy through you. I was never privileged to know her or read her blog. She was gone before i came to this world.
We are so shaped and changed by the people who love us...
and you are so Loved Robyn...
I candle for memory burns in the window for Daisy today.
And funny, daises have always been my favorite flowers...

Leanne said...

Like others i only started blogging last June, just as Daisy died. Hopping from blog to blog I felt this huge outpouring of grief washing over me from hearts breaking all over the world, and I felt the force of the love that daisy drew to her. i found her blog, and I read, and read and read.

and I found Robyn, who has become a friend that I value, and today on this anniversary, I am lighting a candle for Daisy, and for Robyn and sending my thoughts to yuo on the wings of another english blackbird...

leanne x

Sacred Suzie said...

You have come a long way Robyn. You are getting stronger each day and now Daisy is a spiritual friend in a different way who you can call on for help. Such a hard day to remember but honouring her this way is beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Robyn I am glad to know my OK story help you in some little way. I so miss the wisdom and love that Daisy shared. Her blog was one of the first that I started reading on a regular basis. Love Hugs and Blessings to you on all days but especially on the hards days like this.

Moonroot said...

Robyn, this is a beautiful tribute to Daisy. I didn't know her, but you make me wish I had.

Sending you a big hug, with tears in my eyes.

Gemma said...

I can't delete anything she wrote either. She left us a beautiful legacy of words and spirit. Hope you know I'm one who has been here for you...for always

smilnsigh said...

Dear 'Miss R', may I come by, to say a quiet Hello. And offer a gentle hug, on this anniversary of the loss of your friend. No, I didn't know her. But so many I read, did. I learned of her... But late...

The reason I came by is that I read a comment by you, in Julie's blog. Saying that you experienced harassment by so-called christians, too. It rang a bell. Not the exact same 'bell,' but a bell. Because Julie's entry brought back what happened to me, not long ago. And I commented in her blog. And I posted an entry in mine too. Some will say, I should have just not opened 'that can of worms' again.

But, as you know, when one is set upon, the memory of it does not go away. I did not buckle to threats. {Though sad-to-say, someone else did, and she didn't even _get_ a threatening email, like I did} But I still remember it. And just in case, any of my readers did not seeeeeee my then entry, on this, I linked to it again.

Enough of my blustering. I just wanted to say that I'm so irritated that you have been harassed. :-( Yes, I get highly irritated at such, and I know.... It's not the wisest of ways to handle such. But... I fear not all my rough edges have been smoothed off yet. Even though I am certainly a Crone. And they should have been, by now. -giggles-

Gentle hugs,
'Miss' Mari-Nanci
Smilnsigh blog

smilnsigh said...

Back again, after just commenting in 'Kim's' blog... and having second thoughts, about the wording of the title of my blog entry.

I hope no one will not be offended by the title of my entry... Oh my, now I wonder if my saying 'Fun,' will offend people I certainly don't want to offend. -oh sighhhhhhhhhh-

Maybe I should re-word my entry title... Yes, I will!

Smilnsigh blog

amelia said...

I also, didn't know Daisy but felt I knew her through you. I remember the day very well, it seemed as if the whole of blogland was in shock.

I hope Daisy's family are coping through it all...

Rowan said...

It seems incredible that a year has gone by since Daisy died, I still remember the shock I felt when I found out and the distress of so many people who knew her through her blog.She was a very special person.

smilnsigh said...

Dear 'Miss R,'
Thank you so much for your understanding comments in my blog.

And oh my Dear, I understand how one gets to feeling that they have to justify themselves. Just look at me, if you want to see 2nd guessing. I had to change the wording of my post title and some wording in my entry, because I began to worry that it would offend people {like you}. Who I certainly did not want to offend!

And to Amy's comment in my blog ~ I too didn't agree with her saying; "Just let it go, and be bigger." It was as if I should not have mentioned "Terry" and the threatening e-mail again. Just as I figured, some would feel. {I suppose I should give her credit for saying it, and not just thinking it. As many probably are doing. -smile-}

But, you and I understand. You were hounded. And I got that threatening 'Terry' email. Which though it did not make me really worry, it did upset me.

No one but me, got such an email.
But one I had 'stuck up for' {one of the bloggers who were 'picked on'}, went and did exactly what that email demanded. Deleted my comments in her blog. {It was not PEA, btw.}

Yes, she deleted the comments of "Terry's" wife too. But that was of little 'help' to me, so to speak. Her blog showed that she had deleted both MY comments, and "Ya-Ya's comments. Wow! What a slap in my face, after I had defended her.

What I think I will say to Amy, in a comment in her own blog, is; "Amy, have you ever gotten an email like I got???" "Please re-read it {"Terry's" to me} and think how you/Amy would feel, if it had come to YOU." Maybe that will put it in a different light, for her.

And as you see by now, I reply to comments made in my blog, by commenting in the commenter's blog. Just my way... :-)

Oh and before I close this terribly _long_ {*Eeek!* :-)} comment here... I live in the NE, but love the Southern way of addressing 'Women Of a Certain Age'... By calling them 'Miss' and their first name. Can't get people to do it in Real Life, so I often sign my name that way, in Blog Land. And that is where my 'Miss' comes from. :-))))

'Miss' Mari-Nanci
Smilnsigh blog

Lady Laurie said...

Dear Robyn,
I know how hard it is to lose someone you love ~ and how when time passes you can't understand where it went...
I feel I have been blessed through blogging with the chance to make friends from all over the world that I otherwise would have never known.
I hope with time the ache you feel in your heart for your dear friend Daisy will lessen..sending you hugs from across the miles.

Cat said...

I'm so sorry that you lost such a wonderful friend.
I wish I had a friend like that.

Patty said...

I almost couldn't believe it when I read your post. Where did a year go. I too remember hearing of Daisy passing. I had just started to get to know her via her blog when she left this world. I was sad to think I would not have a chance to know her, yet through your eyes I have known her. I know how very much she meant to you.
Hugs to you my friend

linda may said...

A big anniversary, but you are growing and moving forwards and Daisy is watching over you.

linda may said...

A big anniversary, but you are growing and moving forwards and Daisy is watching over you.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know Daisy, but after discovering your blog a few months ago I went and read hers....from start to finish. What a loss to the world.

You write about her so beautifully and whenever you do it makes me cry, you can never lose a friendship like that - it's eternal.

Sheila said...

Dear Robyn,
I'm on a break right now, but wanted to comment here.
I have thought about Daisy in this week leading up to the anniversary of her passing.
She was probably the first blog I visited on a regular basis after meeting you, and I know how close you both were.
Her memory, and the memory of the things she taught with you will be with you always.
love and hugs

Naturegirl said...

Ms. Robyn come quick! A
~special delivery~ posted in my last posting! I am sure that Daisy was there in the image..yes I believe!
I do remeber that Day one year ago..I have a wonderful tribute post that I visit from time to time. She will always be in the hearts of those she touched with her words of wisdom!
hugs a believer of fairies!

tinker said...

Cats In the Kitchen Flora In the Garden, is still on my bookmarks, and I still sometimes visit there, and think of her every time I see her Sweet Mountain Lady doll in my china cabinet, or I'm puttering with my herbs or see a daisy...Remembering her today too, and thinking of you - sending you so much love and light, and so very many (((HUGS)))~XOXOXO

Kathryn Knoll said...

It is very powerful that you stay connected with her now. She can be of such help to our world through you, my Dear keep her close and continue to send those sabbath gifts. Maybe to someone she directs you to. Thank you for this wonderful post. The waves of my shore to yours bring love and blessings, Sr.K

Anonymous said...

I never knew Daisy, she'd already passed over when I started blogging, but I do visit her blog, and I've got to know a little about her. Its been a hard year for you, but she'll always be there for you.

Tracy said...

What a touching post, Robyn. A year has passed since Daisy left us, but we must celebrate her life, wisdom, and friendship. {{Hugs}}

Anonymous said...

Hi Robyn, I didn't know Daisy until she had already passed on . I stumbled upon her blog and just couldn't believe that there weren't going to be new entries. I love reading her posts. She is like a wise mother figure and the world has lost a very colourful, wise, loving person when she passed on the Summerland.
I can imagine you miss her everyday. A friendship like that doesn'ty come along every day !!!
Thinking of you and Daisy !!!!
Lots of love and a fantastic full MOON !!!!

A bird in the hand said...

And why would you delete her from your yahoo list anyway. Don't you think she visits there sometimes?

You have come such a long way sweetpea, Daisy would be proud!


solsticedreamer said...

although i have not been in our blogging world much this week my thoughts have been with you constantly

your everlasting love and this memory of daisy makes more words impossible~

Julie said...

What a wonderful post, Robyn. I hope you read my post about her. My experience with her was different than yours. I knew her through her posts. You were much closer. But I still miss her so much too.

Love, Julie

Julie said...

What a wonderful post, Robyn. I hope you read my post about her. My experience with her was different than yours. I knew her through her posts. You were much closer. But I still miss her so much too.

Love, Julie