[a cake of french olive oil soap in a true antique french soap dish. one of my treasures]
what a day. nothing happened.
oh yes, I went to have the mammotome. what a fiasco that was.
I arrived half an hour early and was taken to a room where i had to put on a lovely pink hospital gown.. [you know, the ones with the ties that don't quite match up.. so I tied a lovely big bow around the gathered fabric looking quite chic]. and was told to sit and wait. so I got our my book, put my glasses on and proceeded to read. with the other ladies there, all dressed in a motley assortment of hospital gowns. some of the ladies had no hair. some didn't speak english. others had the look of fear that i am sure I had in my eyes too. I had decided that morning, that if this is my lot, then I am going to make it a joyful one. so I took my shoes off and sat with my feet up on a chair, reading. feeling very glamourous in the gown.
my name was called & I was taken in to have even more scans and then I was told that I was not booked in for the procedure. my name was there but I was only down for a review and a 2nd opinion. not the mammotome which I know that my Dr had told myself and dutch husband that I was to have today.
I complained about that, explaining that my Dr. Had specifically said I was to have a mammotome. then another nurse came in and took me to have even more scans and then told me the machine was broken down.
she suggested I go home, make another appointment to come back next week.
no. I thought to myself.. I am not coming back next week at all.
Of course, by this time I was emotional and burst into tears.
dutch husband drove us home, with me in pretty much shock... and when I arrived home I called the breast specialists office & spoke to his head breast care nurse who was going to talk to him about what happened and get back to me tomorrow.
this is just awful to have to go through, it is bringing all that happened with my previous cancer back.. same thing.. procedure, after procedure.. waiting, waiting and then my pre cancer/early stage cancer turns into an aggressive one. so now,
I am refusing to go back, sit in a freezing cold room to have a procedure, the mammotome, that 'might' get a sample of the calcifications. and if that does not work, then I am to have another biopsy.
tomorrow, I am going to tell the Dr that I want the biopsy done under anaesthetic. forget all the preliminary tests, which really just prolongs it all and adds to my anxiety..
so you see, I am still in the dark as to what it is.
[and there goes my ambition to write about my lovely life.. it is what it is today]