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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Sunday, 7 March 2010

my day ~ emotions of a runaway train

[ a simple dinner of boiled eggs with toast fingers.. eaten in front of the TV with a rug over my knee... finished off my day perfectly... ]

two weeks ago, the Drs took me off HRT. cold turkey. and the past few days I have noticed it. night sweats like you would not believe....today, I cried, I grieved, I even wished i was dead at one stage [yes, the emotions runaway with you sometimes].. I screamed at dutch husband like I was a banshee, it is a wonder he is still here. I emailed friends, reaching out through the net ..... then I started to read Susun Weeds 'Menopausal years' ~ I read, and I read and I jotted down notes of how I can take my own health into my own hands. I noted down various teas that I can drink to help me through. I begged God to take this burden from my spirit.. . I made myself a cup of nettle tea, downloaded a yoga CD from iTunes and organized a space to do yoga. I washed the dishes, had Tuscan bean soup with spelt bread for lunch.

centering prayer, soft music and a lovely nap in the afternoon while rain fell gently on our tin roof. that was my day.
[this instant menopause is not fun]

16 comments:

Diva Kreszl said...

oh sweetie, I know this menopause thing is just making all you're going through that much more difficult to deal with. It's a horrible state of affairs when our hormones run amok and we feel as if we have no control over our bodies, our thoughts, etc. Hopefully this shall pass quickly. My sister swore by Black Cohosh, an herbal supplement, didn't try it myself so I don't know first hand. If you can get your hands on a copy of 'Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom' by Christina Northrop it is filled with lots of info and she believes in treating women holistically. Hang in there sweetie!

amelia said...

It's sheer hell on earth! I'm sure you know you're not alone in this. Before I went on HRT I was having 24 to 26 flushes a day. No sleep at night and I was a miserable cow who took my feelings out on anyone who was there. I was working full time too and could barely survive. My family suffered and I suffered worse than any of them.
I have so much sympathy for you that if my sympathy could take your pain, you would have none!!!
I have tried a few times to go off it and each time the flushes would return with a vengeance. I'm an HRT addict! I never found anything that would even remotely ease the heat but I hope you do.
When I was a kid, it was boiled eggs with toast soldiers!! LOL

gemma said...

All of those things the teas and yoga,plus alot of sleep will cure those ills.
love
xx

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Menopause is not fun, instant or otherwise! My Rare One and I both went through menopause at the same time, so imagine OUR household, LOL!

Beatnheart said...

Oh Girlfriend, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle...I have been thinking about menopause..I don't take anything for it..I was taking a black cohosh formula from the drugstore that I believed has helped..I have a fan by my bed..coffee seems bad..food too late at night seems bad..otherwise, what can I say..I've had sweats now for 6 years!! I thought having a period was bad!! keep the faith my friend..your in my thoughts..we are all in this together..Cynthia

Fire Byrd said...

just try and stay in the moment, it's the only way to get through to the next one and the one after that.
xx

Janet said...

I only did HRT for a very short period of time. I took myself off! I know it's simple to say all things will pass but it's true. It sounds like you're doing some good things so just be patient with yourself.

mxtodis123 said...

You know, I can honestly say I was one of the lucky ones. After dreading it for so long (I had an aunt who was hospitalized by depression as she went through it and had hot flashes so bad she would run out and throw herself in the snow) I really had a simple time of it. Not one mood swing. Not one hot flash. Just one almost hemorhage like period and no more. Take special care of yourself during this time. You deserve it.
Mary

Linda said...

I hear you Robyn, menopause sucks big time:( Hopefully you will find the right remedies that will work and help you each day. We also have a tin roof, I love the rain falling while lying in bed, very soothing. Oh look at those lovely fresh laid eggs♥ Hope today is a better day for you♥ Linda

Wendy said...

Oh I hate that! Menopause is really horrible! I took myself off my Hrt because it was making things worse. I so hear you. I so empathize with you. I also read Susun Weed and find her stories (grandmother growth) a real comfort. Some of the herbs worked and some didn't. You will find what works best. Yoga is good. Chocolate is good (even Susun agrees). I found exercise to be very helpful, especially since I couldn't sleep at night.
Hugs

Kathryn Knoll said...

This too, shall pass. I'm pulling for you. It is important that you do everything to take care of yourself. I'll pray for Dutch Husband who is a real hero you can count on. hugs

Beatnheart said...

Wish I was there to hug you too...Remember that every thing you think about comes to you...you think cancer you get cancer..you think health and well being that is what you get...YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS !! do not even let the idea enter your thought process..when everything comes back ok. your going to kick yourself for worrying over nothing..And now the house?? Limbo Land for sure!! Just start packing your boxes..you have to do that anyway right...get moving in the direction you want to go..all is well in your world....

Pam said...

That's dreadful.Cold turkey! My sister-in-law suffered this way also, and said it was terrible.You have my sympathy Robyn and hope things ease up soon - hot flushes and all the wild and unpredictable emotions are yuck.You must feel like you are being tossed around in a storm (and I do hear the weather is a bit wild there at the moment).Wishing you a safe, quiet harbour soon, and a gentle respite with your garden and chooks. One of your own chook's eggs in the photo I presume?

Leanne said...

I may not comment often Robyn, but I am here always. sending love healing and blessings

leanne x

Angela said...

I've read Susan Weed and she's such a comfort when those feelings and rushes and emotions become overwhelming. You're doing all the right things, Robyn. Self-care is everything, I think. Sending you lots of love.

Serena said...

I've been in the early phase of menopause over the past year...just the occasional missed period so far and no mood changes or hot flashes. I bought the book 'The Wisdom of Menopause' by Christiane Northrup and have found it to be a wealth of information and very interesting. She explains so much and tells of her own personal experiences as well as that of other women. Christiane also believes in the holistic approach and speaks of celebrating menopause rather than hating it. She speaks of listening to and being in tune with our bodies. I definitely don't plan on HRT.