"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Thursday, 25 February 2010

time worn hands

this afternoon, I had a nap. then I sat and read Under the Tuscan sun, trying to get my mind of tomorrow's appointment with the breast specialist. being very much like an ostrich, putting my head into the sand, by escaping to Italy via the book...snuggling under a blanket, trying to take away the inner cold. yes, I am scared. as I read, my mind started to wander as it does tend to do.

[this is my hand, worn from working in my garden. worn just like the wedding ring that is on my hand. aged & worn from time and use. and I love it]

I looked down at my hands and noticed that i had old lady hands. you know, those crepey looking hands that old ladies develop with age. they have a certain took me aback and at first I felt a little disappointed that my hands looked so old, [why is it that I don't hesitate to love and adore and even be passionate about old furniture and other such stuff, but I find it difficult to love and embrace my aging self?]
then remembered that these are the hands that lovingly tend my garden. they are workers hands. I noted to self that i must make the effort to massage more hand cream into them.. they reminded me of my nan. They reminded me that I come from a long line of strong, tough women. women who have faced all kinds of things during their lives and I am part of that.... I am still scared, but I know I am in the company of strong women. I will face whatever comes my way. with acceptance and love. it has been said, that it is all about love...every single thing, the good and the not so good, is all about love.


Fire Byrd said...

Not only do you have a long line of strong women behind you, you have a lot of us rooting for you here now.
There is nothing I can say to make you feel better only the surgeon can do that.
Except once you know whatever there is to know, if you are like me then the fear will go. As there is a goal to sort and work to be done. And that takes the fear away.


Ruth said...

I love this post, and yes, I have those hands too - it's amazing isn't it, how they sneak up on us!
Sending love and holding that wrinkled hand in my own wrinkled hand.

amelia said...

You are in good company...we all love you.
You have been on my mind a lot and I'll be sending strength to you as best I can.

My hands look like my Nans hands and it makes me feel really old!!!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

That long line of strong women will be there with you at the doctor's appointment. May good news be yours!

Carol H said...

I can relate to you even though we are so far away. I say the rosary whenever I can and believe in angels. I was just dx with scleroderma in life is not or ever will be the same. I am lucky to have good dr's since this disease has attacked my lungs, and since there is no cure I still believe in miracles. I know you must be so scared while waiting for results, but remain strong and know that when you ask for the Blessed Mother's protection she always hears our petition and answers us. Funny you talk about your hands, my hands with this disease should get tight and curled, but although they are very sensitive, they show no signs of tightness. I will be starting a drug therapy in a few weeks, so I am scared too, but I know I have to keep the faith and trust in God. I will keep you in my prayers, lots of hugs.

popsy said...

Hi, Just to say I am thinking of you at this frightening time. I too went through this scary process last year and remember only too well the fear. For me everything was ok and I really hope the same for you. Take care, Lynne xxx

Diva Kreszl said...

your hand are beautiful dear one!!! I shall continue to hold you in my prayers, keep us posted on your Doctor's visit.

Janet said...

When I look at my hands I see my grandma's hands. Same thing....I come of a long line of strong women.

I know you're scared and this is a very tough time for you but you are loved by so many people around the world and we are all here backing you up. If you look behind you now you will see another line of strong women and we can do amazing things when we work together!!

Leanne said...

Hope you come away with good news today.

When you have a moment you have 3 blog awards to pass on - hoping to help still your mind.


Love Leanne

Linda said...

Another one with old hands. I'm praying for great news for you dear Robyn xoxo

gemma said...

Your hands are beautiful....think of all they accomplish in a day. Remarkable really.

I did a post about this once.
My sis and I went to a Nursing home and painted fingernails for elderly ladies. Their hands were weathered and worn but they still enjoyed the pampering.

Tinker said...

Your hands look lovely to me (my own could use lots of lotion and a manicure)
Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs your way. xOx

Serena said...

I have worker's hands too, Robyn. I have sadly neglected them over the years despite all the housework and gardening they have done.

Sending you love and good luck for today's appointment with the specialist.

Have you seen the movie - Under the Tuscan Sun? I haven't read the book but I did enjoy the movie.

Pam said...

This is a beautiful and poignant post Robyn. Our dear hands and feet, carrying us through all our days to tasks both pleasant or demanding.Just adding my words to those here who care so very much for you, and expressing gratefulness to those hands of yours that type your thoughts; such warming, honest and insightful posts for us all to share.My thoughts are with you.I send much love and hugs your way. (My hands looks similar - I figure I'm in good company!)xxx

Beatnheart said...

Sweet Angel, You'll do matter what the are the one in charge..keep your head in a bright,clear everyone here has already said you have so many cheering you on...take good,good care..Cynthia

peppylady (Dora) said...

I don't know how I would react if a doctor told me I have or might have cancer.
But I'll ask in my prayers for some extra strength in Angles to help you.

Coffee is on.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

{{{{Sending love}}}}

Kathryn Knoll said...

Imagine how powerless and vulnerable you would be without hands. Your hands are one of your most important ways to be independent and giving. Also, they are the way you can bring to yourself much abundance and good things. They are the instruments of healing and expression of love to others. Why do we worship youth so? Give me the tried and true anytime!