this morning when i woke up, the sun was struggling to come through the clouds.. kind of mirroring how I was feeling. a little apprehensive with the events of the coming day.
gardenias picked from my garden. I have quite a few bushes in my little courtyard and the whole garden is perfumed by them at this time of year...
I started to wash up, trying to still the fear inside. trying to stay in the moment and not gallop into the Land of Whatifs..... then the text messages started to come on my phone
'hope the tests go good today, I will be thinking of you' ~ Caine
' mum, I love you!' Louisa
'good luck today' ~ Sophie
then Joe arrived home with a loaf of organic spelt and made me a simple egg sandwich for lunch.
in my world here at Inglewood, I am surrounded by angels. angels in the shape of my children... that is all one can ask for, is it not? [and dutch husband of course, but we all know he is my absolute guardian angel]
today I had tests done on the breast lump and it was not found! after a harrowing 40mins or so of the nurse going in and out with my scans.. Dr requiring even more.. me nearly on my knees in the room praying while I waited. topless. nurse coming back in.. 'we need another, there is a lump we want to take a closer look at just in case' [just incase? I thought to myself at this stage]... by this time my blood pressure must have been rising.. and the 'oh you have had a lump before.. and cancer too? - well with that history we must make sure that there is nothing sinister going on' [going on? thought to myself.. what the hell does that mean?]
after 4 scans, they finally got what they needed.. I still don't have all results back yet, but no biopsy had to be done so that is a good thing. .
thankyou for all your comments and emails.. it really does help to know that I am surrounded by angels on the internet too.