"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Thursday, 30 April 2009

time to take time away....or is the internet the present day heroin....

yesterday we visited Paul and it really knocked me for a six... he was totally out of it and didn't know us.. in 3 days he has gone down hill fast. After we visited him, we went to visit Tina his wife and she is a mess. Their anniversary was on Monday - 41 yrs together and she stood in the kitchen last night crying, telling me he is her soul mate. what do you say? all the crap of choosing our journey, of God having a reason does not cut it anymore. I am way over this stupid way of thinking, cause life just bloody well sucks. far as I believe right now, we have been dumped here to fend for ourselves, if the angels love us as much as we are told.. surely they can step in and take the pain of this away. yes, I am angry. and over it.

the past week or so, I started to believe that i spend way too much time on the internet... my life is suffering because of it. My spiritual life, my home & sometimes even my ordinary everyday self. Just this morning I decided to step back a little. I am like an addict, I really am. checking constantly to see if I have I need to be strong and walk away. Blogging has taken over my life.. every time i do something, I wonder if I can blog it.. cooking, gardening, walking etc, etc... blogging seeping into my mind as I create or spend time in nature... distracting me always from the present moment...
so I am stopping blogging. I don't have much to say..and I have started to feel a little guilty about not repaying visits...(there may be a post every now and then to journal about my garden... but that will be all...)

however, I am on facebook and am in the process of working out Skype.... my email address is on my profile if you would like to keep in touch ....

I wish you blessings on your journey... and I hope from the bottom of my heart that we stay in touch.... I may be back after winter ...... only time will tell.


Pear tree cottage! said...

Yiu do not have to be a blogger or anything else on the internet to know that you carry the heart of an angel - and while I have not visited you for forever it does not mean I do not think of you as that simple and shining angel for family and friends - that is why you have been "dummped here" to be in those lives that need you!!!

blessings dear angel blessings always.


Annie said...

Just caught this Robyn. Good luck to you. I'll keep following so I can see when you drop in from time to time.

Forty-one years is a long time to share lives together and I'm so sorry they did not have more time together. And you know, in this case, God doesn't really have anything to do with it. Paul's isn't a life cut short. It has simply come to its natural albiet difficult end.

People try to be kind and comforting. You know that dear Robyn so of course, the choosing journey stuff feels half baked, at least, in Paul's case.

One thing I learned from my parents' pain and suffering, especially where my mom was concerned, is that though pain is given to someone, it is often meant as a lesson for another. Of course, I did not get that for a while. But I do now.

Anger is normal. Be angry. All of you be angry. No one wants to see their loved one suffer. I had more than a couple of yelling matches with God. Well, I yelled, He listened. Thank goodness, He did not hold it against me.

So - you take that break. Focus entirely on Paul, Paul's family, and lend them all the strength you have. They will need it. It will be your gift to them.


Tori said...

Robyn, I hope things get easier. I can't imagine having someone so dear not being able to recognize me.

I wish you blessings for your journey as well. May you find yourself over the winter, and come back refreshed. <3

Suzie the Foodie said...

Oh Robyn, I hear you and your pain and totally get it. Life sucks most of the time. And it can be torture. Do what you have to do. Period. It's your life. It's your life Robyn. It's OK to say good-bye.

Sorrow said...

I have skype lady,
and i will email you with the info.
You take a long winters nap, and you do the mama bear hibernating stuff.
It will be good for you.
be present for yourself.
oooooooO I like that!
be a PRESENT for yourself!

Tracy said...

You will be missed, Robyn! Please do keep in touch. xx

kim said...

and you have my e-mail as well and Facebook.

know i am thinking of paul and his wife.


solsticedreamer~laoi gaul~williams said...

hello lovely~i know what you mean about the internet, it can, it does take over everything given the chance.

stay safe on your journey and dont even think about what you can blog~just be

we will be here if you ever need to pop back and update

Billie Jane said...

Surely it must come to this... for us all? The good times are numbered for everyone... take hold of life while you can... live in the moment and go cold turkey..... Wishing you all the luck in the world and hoping that eventually you will come back and let us know how your journey continues...... x from a total stranger who is journeying too.

Sheila said...

I agree. I realised that before Christmas. Now I use it more as a journal, and if I don't want to do it I don't.
I'm sorry to hear about Paul, and feel deeply for Tina, and your family.
I believe that life just 'is'..
and we must make of it what we will.
We don't know what will happen tomorrow, so today is all there is, and we must enjoy what we can.
Love to you..

Deedee said...

Robyn - So sorry for your pain. I hope you return to blogging at some point. You write so well and I always look forward to reading your posts. Perhaps in time you will reconsider. All the best to you.

Fire Byrd said...

ooohh can I be a facebook friend then? I'm just under my real name. I have skype set up as well, hint hint!!!
Sorry to see you going from here but do understand.
Love and peace for you and all yours.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

I know that when something this BIG happens all theories go flying out of the window {been there, done that}, so I will just sit by your side and be there for anything.

The warmest, gentlest hug.

You know my mail too. :)

Kavindra said...

I agree it is so hard to balance internet/blog time. I found I took a 2 month break recently, because I felt like I was inside, online too much ... and when I came back, it wasn't long before I felt that I was inside online too much again. But I'm gonna keep trying to find balance, because of the soulful women I find here. I will miss you if you don't come back, but understand. You are so beautiful, and I will be thinking of you during this crappy crappy time, whether you're on or offline.

Anonymous said...

I'll miss you, i'll keep following.
All the best,I'll be thinking of you, and i'll try and find you on facebook.

Winterwood said...

I echo all the other posts but especially kavindaras, it is about balance and the art of finding that. Blessings to you and all your family and will see you here when you are ready to come back! hugs krissie

Serena said...

I LOVE blogging and doubt I will give it up, however, I do find I need to find a happy balance and not let it overwhelm my whole life. There is more to me than blogging and, sometimes, we need to take a step back. Take all the time you need, Robyn, as it is obviously something you need to do.

When we face losing or lose a loved one, it is almost impossible to see the 'bigger' picture and our spiritual beliefs seem somewhat shallow. I believe that we create our own reality and that there are reasons for everything even if it doesn't always make sense to us. In saying that, I know that if I was losing a loved one in the same way, I too, would probably feel exactly as you do. It is okay to feel angry. I am so sorry you are going through such pain right now ~ (((Hugs)))

jc said...

I check your blog from time to time and will miss your posts. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

Anonymous said...

This is so recognizable. It is very hard to stay away from the computer. Sometimes real life takes over though and not in a nice way.
Take your time and I hope to hear from you now and then !!!!!