so much has happened over the past few days.. and this is a post that I just had to get out, then no more until the 31st...
Last night when I was Moon gazing and sending my wishes out to whoever takes care of them... I sat, looking out at the Moon which was hidden behind the dark storm clouds... and I asked Her to show Her face... then I felt a presence beside me.. it was me, yet not me and we sat together looking at the Moon.. was it the Goddess? was it Daisy or was it my Wild Woman who I had lost contact with many moons ago? as we sat there together, in perfect peace... the clouds parted and the Moon shone in all Her glory, surrounded completely by clouds.. shining down on 'us' for a few minutes and then disappearing again. It started to rain.
I dreamed last night of the angels and how they have been leaving me feathers and coins quite alot lately... and I dreamed I was outside thinking this very thing and how I hadn't had a feather in a few days.. feeling very greedy... and I looked down and there was a feather on the ground... I picked it up... thinking another one! Then I woke up... and realized that the angels are even leaving me feathers in my dreamtime.
For a few years now, I have heard of the book "Women who run with the wolves" and I asked a friend about it awhile ago and she said - 'don't bother, it won't help'.... so I listened to her and not to myself. Until a few days ago.. it started popping up on blogs and other places and something started to niggle at me...
I bought that book today. And just now.. I had a bath... taking the book, my glasses and a huge drink of water with me...and I started to read... crying, gasping.... really gasping for breath. Was this book written for me? I felt like shouting ! I was actually crying and gasping so much from familiarity, I think. I felt loved.
"the longing for her comes when one happens across someone who has secured this wildish relationship" Page 5 ~ yes....Ruth
"searching...... for a sign that she still lives, that we have not lost our chance" Page 6.......
.... "for we are not going on without her any longer" page 6....
"once women have lost her and then found her again, they will contend to keep her for good" and "this wild teacher, wild mother, wild mentor supports their inner and outer lives, no matter what" ... THANKYOU Clarissa Pinkola Estes!!!!!!
there is hope. I am a wild woman!!! oh my .. this is such a wonderful feeling.. it is like I have discovered myself... I am afraid this will slip through my fingers... but I will be brave and strong... my Wild Woman will not desert me..
and yes.... my Wild Woman group will come... I just know it !!!! I could cry with happiness.... you know what? I think I will.
I wrote a poem last night while looking at the rain...
loving being me
in this present moment.
the rain drizzles down,
soaking deep into Mother Earth.
quenching the soil, quenching my soul
bringing to fruition, seeds that lie waiting.
the Goddess sends the rain of love to the seeds of my soul,
I bloom and blossom, into the wise woman that I am.
shedding my safe cocoon.... and flying free,
like the butterfly
who I am meant to be.