[isn't she beautiful? My St.Therese]
yes, tomorrow I will get the results of the biopsy back. will it be cancer? I don't know.
today, the nurse called to put my appointment to an earlier time slot and I went into panic mode..
my mind going places of 'them needing more time with me to go through what will happen next'.
the first time all week I have been afraid.
the past week, I have embraced what is happening to me.
every now and then, I felt a fear, but soon brushed that aside.
I made myself some lunch and went outside to sit on my verandah. and as I did, a kookaburra flew past and sat on the fence. just looking at me. I haven't seen one in my garden since November. I always take this as a sign from my dad. he loved the bird and every time something happens in my life - good or bad, a kookaburra shows up.
I am scared. he is with me.
I sat and allowed the tears to fall, with that awful lump of fear in my chest. knowing that what will be will be, tears cannot change it.
the sensible self tells me that even if it is cancer, the prognosis is good as it is very early.
I look at my St.Therese picture and I feel reassurance that I am ok. ... but the human self is scared. I look at my St.Therese picture and hear whispers of voices telling me not to worry. that I am not alone.
I hate waiting.
I will be happy this time tomorrow, when at least I will know one way or the other. and I will go from there.