the Dr casually mentioned doing a quick routine breast exam and then the words hmmmm... have you felt this lump here? well, no i haven't because I do not examine my breasts - [no lectures please]. I put my head in the sand because surely God is not that cruel as to bless me with cancer, twice? [plus I have lumpy breasts so I go to the Drs ever 6mths to check them]
of course I am in panic, but trying not to be. And of course I know that I am actually quite blessed. I know that I have a wonderful life. I know, I know, I know. I know also that it is most probably not cancer but that does not stop my mind going one hundred miles an hour into the future with 'what ifs'. I feel like crap and I am scared. I know that this too shall pass and all will be well. but I am still scared.
please God, not again. I have learned my lesson and I promise i will check my breasts every month. every week. if only this one time, it is not cancer. please. and thankyou.
so now, next week I am off to have the mammogram, ultrasound and if needed a needle biopsy. the angels will be busy listening to my prayers this week!