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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Friday, 12 February 2010

one lump or two?

a simple visit to the Dr today, for a prescription and I come out with a breast lump.

[to get my mind off the lump, dutch husband took me to Leura for lunch.. the sign Serendipity caught my eye..]

the Dr casually mentioned doing a quick routine breast exam and then the words hmmmm... have you felt this lump here? well, no i haven't because I do not examine my breasts - [no lectures please]. I put my head in the sand because surely God is not that cruel as to bless me with cancer, twice? [plus I have lumpy breasts so I go to the Drs ever 6mths to check them]

[not having a huge appetite because of the silly worry, i chose to share a cheese platter with dutch husband..some from France, some from Tasmania.. crackers, quince paste & pear]

of course I am in panic, but trying not to be. And of course I know that I am actually quite blessed. I know that I have a wonderful life. I know, I know, I know. I know also that it is most probably not cancer but that does not stop my mind going one hundred miles an hour into the future with 'what ifs'. I feel like crap and I am scared. I know that this too shall pass and all will be well. but I am still scared.

[serendipity ice-cream. Hokey pokey flavour. full fat, none of the light stuff when a girl needs to soothe her shattered nerves]

please God, not again. I have learned my lesson and I promise i will check my breasts every month. every week. if only this one time, it is not cancer. please. and thankyou.

[Leura Deli is one of my favourite lunch-time haunts... and a place where I buy alot of my Christmas time treats. cheeses to die for, freshly squeezed fruit juices. exotic foods from all over the world.]

so now, next week I am off to have the mammogram, ultrasound and if needed a needle biopsy. the angels will be busy listening to my prayers this week!

17 comments:

Imogen said...

Oh crumbs, how worrying for you. As you say, it's probably benign, but one still worries... My thoughts and prayers are with you, daer Miss Robyn. Take care and blessed be; and om namyo shivayai, since I gather from my colleague Jyoti that it's Mahashivratri today...

Peggy said...

Wish I could still that racing mind and calm those nerves but I can send lots of thoughts and prayers. Hugs my friend.

Diva Kreszl said...

holding you in my prayers dear one!!!

Pam said...

Oh Robyn. That's a big whammy. I can only imagine the sense of fear this invokes, and yet I really want to remain positive. Let's hope all will be well, yet please know that I don't say that lightly knowing the many things that must go through your mind dealing with this.I will email you when I can put things a bit better.Keep strong - little steps. Let's hope these worries dissipate soon, and tests are just a necessary tool on the road to reassurance. xxxxx

Debra She Who Seeks said...

May the lump turn out just to be a little fatty nothing! This is my hope and prayer for you over the next week. A little fatty nothing!

Kathryn Knoll said...

My prayers are with you...Just take one moment at a time and savor it like you did that yummy looking lunch. All is well, now.

A bird in the hand said...

Relax. It's not cancer. You're in good hands. Stay in the moment, push out all other thoughts.
I know how difficult it must be. I went through this with my sister. Love, Colette

Marisa said...

It's good that your doctor found it because now you can have it checked out. It's probably nothing, but that doesn't stop us from worrying. I'm sending some positive energy your way...take care and all the best.

Linda said...

Dearest Robyn {{{hugs}}} I certainly will be praying for you. The Angels surround you and they will hold your hand and bring you peace. I'm hoping it just a case of mastitis or a block duct. Keep your mind occupied and busy♥ Sending special thoughts and ♥ to you. xoxoxo

A bird in the hand said...

I emailed you. I will be out for the rest of the evening, but I'll check back with you when I get home.
xoxoxoxoxo

mxtodis123 said...

Hugs to you. Sending prayers and healing thoughts your way. It's probably not cancer, but I know how frightening the thought can be. Deep breaths. Know that you have many friends who are with you.
Mary

Searching For My Willoughby said...

Your in my prayers and thoughts.

linda may said...

Oh god Robyn, that is so scary. I am going to go sit in my cubby hole and meditate to send you some power.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

{big hug} This is a moment when all the wise words we had for others are hard to remember for ourselves, isn´t it?

Janet said...

You do not have cancer! Just keep that thought in your mind and keep repeating it. We are all here for you and sending you positive thoughts.

Tina said...

My thoughts are with you from the other side of the world. I hope you find out soon that it is not cancer. I know it!

Serena said...

I can fully understand your fears, Robyn...the best advice I can offer you is to visualise yourself with a perfectly healthy body. Focus on what you want to draw in, not what you don't want to draw in....easier said than done, I know. A lot of breast lumps turn out to be cysts but still, I understand your worry. I am keeping you in my prayers and holding you in the Light, my friend ~ xo