"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Mary & me

just after my mother in law died 20yrs ago, I chose to convert to Catholicism

it happened like this: during the funeral, sitting with my baby Sophie on my knee.. I had what would be called 'a religious experience' ~ white light surrounded me, like a mist, a cloud. that is the only way I can explain it.. and I began to cry.. it was like something was washing down over me that bought up emotions that to this day I can still not explain. looking back on it, it all seems so surreal.. and often I wonder if I imagined it.

at that very moment in my life I chose to convert to Catholicism (much to my mothers disgust, but even back then it seems like I was following promptings from my soul)

so began a year long journey with the priest.. on what he called 'the Emmaus journey'... and the beginnings of my relationship with Mary. I remember the priest asking me once, why I wanted to convert to the catholic faith and my words were 'I want to find peace'.....

during that year of travelling the Emmaus road, we met once a week as a group and many 'older' catholics shared their journey and Bunny became my mentor... Bunny was at that time about 80yrs old.. the perfect little old lady.. white hair, wrinkly skin and a eyes that shone with living of life.

Bunny taught me the rosary.. once a week on a Tuesday afternoon, I would jump in my car and drive the short distance to her home and we would sit there with rosary beads in hand.. mine new and shining and hers, shining from years of use. Bunny told me that from day one of her married life, she had grabbed hold of Mary's mantle and not let go.. sometimes, she said that she felt like she was clinging on, in fear of death from worry..

.. I never quite understood what Bunny meant.. but all the while, wishing I did..all the while wishing that I could just hang on to Mary's mantle and go with the flow of life, always believing that She was there to support me.

But I hated to let go of control.. I always felt a need to be in control and always thought that I was.

Mary had other ideas.. she started to make herself known to me while I was walking in the bush.... a rose blooming in the middle of a eucalypt forest while I was praying the rosary.. a dove alighting on a bush as I walked past.. smells of roses in the middle of nowhere... my rosary beads going a golden hue even though I wasn't using them... constantly coming in to my thoughts on a daily basis, infusing me with her presence.. in the way of the vintage icons that I collect. And just this morning while eating my breakfast, I looked up at one of St. Rita and realized that by just looking at these pictures each day and the many prayers that may have been said in front of my icons & how the saints always looked peaceful, i realized that I had become alot more peaceful inside too.. (well, most of the time).. and that is where I find myself today.. at peace inside.. knowing that when ever I get worried, or stressed or anxious.. I just have to go back to centre.. to Mary. and grab hold of that mantle of hers. prayers are always answered, just not in our time frame.. sometimes it can take years. And so it seems my prayer and wish that I mentioned all those years ago of finding peace, are actually coming true & being answered.. I am finally on the road to finding peace of soul


Debra She Who Seeks said...

When the Great Mother calls your name (in whatever form She appears to you), She is very insistent and persistent. She will make you Her own. Your beautiful story of Mary shows that very clearly!

Ruth said...

I'm glad that you are finding peace in your heart and that Mary is watching over you.

A bird in the hand said...

Beautiful and touching.
And beautifully written.

Janet said...

I'm so happy you're finding peace. I think we all need to be able to find peace in whatever way works for us. I have never been a religious person but I do consider myself spiritual....and that's where I find mine. We're all different and that's as it should be! Peace to you.

Linda said...

Such wise and beautiful words Robyn. I am so delighted that you have found the road for a peaceful soul♥

gemma said...

How wonderful that you feel that spiritual connection with Mary.

Kathryn Knoll said...

that's right.... you know it, too!

Pam said... of my favourite posts of yours Robyn!! My "mentor" was related to a mate of my fiance. She was that mate's warm and wonderful very elderly grandmother.She sponsored me at my confirmation when I was 20 (which my parents refused to attend) toddling along with her little walking stick.I loved her!She was excited, proud and humbled to be asked.This post is so beautiful and touching...and while very much acknowledging each to their own,good on us I say for sticking to our guns, or should that be, in the spirit of your post, grabbing the mantle! Much love x0x.

Annie said...

Bless Mother is such a great source of guidance, direction, and peace. She is an anchor in a stormy sea, a comforting arm in sorrow, a laugh outloud hug when joy fills our life.

As your friend who has followed you from afar now for a few years, I can firmly testify to the inner peace you have gained.

Mary keeps telling me to pray her Rosary. I keep telling myself to put her on my list. So far I've accomplished two things; I've got a rosary in my pursue and a small book that tells me how to pray the Rosary. If keep these things close is a constant reminder to me, than I am almost there to take the next step.


Cheryl@Gingerbread Crafts said...

Very beautiful.