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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Tuesday, 2 February 2010

early morning conversations

those early morning awakenings, when i feel myself coming out of a deep sleep.. I could be the only one in the whole world at that moment. it is quiet and still. but then I reach out and feel a foot and I know that I am not alone in the world... THAT makes me feel secure. that makes me feel safe. protected.

today. waking up in the early morning, I lay still, trying not to disturb dutch husband. until it got the better of me and I whispered into the darkness 'are you awake'...
I heard a quiet 'yes'...
and as it happens, we started to chat about, well, stuff..... and the conversation came around to me wishing I could go on a tour of the Holy Shrines of France/Italy.... how I so desperately want to go to Fatima or even to see those simple little shrines that dot country roads in Italy..
dutch husband casually replied that he would come with me
and me replying 'oh I can go on an organised tour by myself, I will be fine' (knowing that Holy Shrines really are not his thing)
dutch husband says, without a minutes hesitation:
'I know you well enough, you would not go without me'.....

and he is right. he knows me to the very depth of my soul. No matter how much I want to go, there is no way I would go without him by my side. because I would miss him and I know MY own self well enough, that I would suffer severe separation anxiety.... I could not get on a plane and fly to the other side of the world by myself, without him.
and I mentioned this to him (and yes, I know, morbid) about how if he died first I think I would perish of a broken heart and that this kind of separation anxiety that I feel is because of either two things 1. stems from me being left alone at home as a small child or 2.is it a trait of the tribe or clan that my soul belongs to?.. the Magdalene clan (long story). ~ or maybe it is both...

then dutch husband patted me on the hand and said...
'babe (his pet name for me), my purpose in life is to help you through your spiritual journey'
maybe I should stop calling him dutch husband and start to call him guardian angel.
(there is no immediate plan to go to Europe, it is just something that I desperately wish to do.. along with Cornwall..)

8 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Your dutch husband sounds like a one-in-a-million guy. I hope your European and Cornwall dreams come true!

amelia said...

Ahhhh, how lovely to not be alone. Wonderful feeling...

Diva Kreszl said...

oh dear Lord...could your husband be any more perfect??? Your story just melted my heart. I love my sweet husband and also enjoy the comfort of knowing he is beside me but he would never go to Europe with me, or on any vaction for that matter and those words...I didn't know a man was capable of articulating himself so well! does he have any brothers??? LOL

Ruth said...

I feel just the same about Roger - it's wonderful to be that close to someone.

Janet said...

Now he is a husband to keep! There are many men out there who wouldn't understand your spiritual journey at all! I, too, have one of the keepers. And you described my early morning awakenings....I love reaching out and touching HB and then snuggling back into my drowsy state knowing I'm safe.

Linda said...

Oh Robyn that was such a beautiful post. He certainly is your Guardian Angel♥ xoxo

Pam said...

These stories are lovely as we approach Valentine's Day. You are obviously very special to each other. May all your dreams, particularly the travel ones, come true.xxx

Kathryn Knoll said...

When you get to Italy, you must go visit the community of Damenhur. Visit their magical temples. They are new Turin. A link to check out:www.damanhur.org/ They have found a way to record the actual songs of trees and other plants! They have a youtube channel you can tour in your leisure to study who they are. The are very aware of earth energies and how they affect our spiritual life.