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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Saturday, 30 January 2010

Blue moon

Mary fabric & card collage by Colette

today, Celebrating our friend Phils birthday, a celebration on blue moon.. turned into emotional blues for me..of bittersweet memories

Phil and Wendy (his wife), friends of ours for 20yrs ~ lunch at their home with the Elmhurst Team. a gorgeous salad of cold cooked corned beef & salads, my lemon cake with passionfruit syrup..lots of wine & laughter. we get together always for birthdays, Christmas and New Years eve.. plus many other times in between. the typre of friends who you know are there.

Elmhurst was the Springwood Parish Rectory for many years and the 'Elmhurst team' was a group of 8 of us [Peter, myself & dutch husband, Maureen, Phil & Wendy, Bob & Marg (and the parish priest Father Michael)] ~ who spent at least 10yrs raising money to build our new Catholic church. Each month, we would prepare and cook a 3 course meal for over 20 people. Then set up restaurant in the old parish rectory.. a house of over 100yrs old.. full silver service, damask and lace, candleabra. with chocolates and coffee to finish..and charge people to come dine at night. all money was donated to the new church fund. and let me tell you, we raised quite a bit with our efforts. but more importantly we all became fast & good friends. cementing friendships that have spanned nearly 20yrs.
anyhow i often get slightly off track & dither...

Phil and Wendy announced today that they have decided to sell their home and move down to the south coast about 3hrs away... not far I know, but far enough not to be able to get together as often as we have done. when they told us over lunch today, I burst into tears. I tried so very hard not to cry..but the tears fell. I was fanning myself with my hands trying to stop the tears from flowing & assuring everyone that I was ok.. but inside I wasn't. I feel torn between being happy for them and sad for myself. I hate change. I don't deal well with it at all. and I feel dreadfully sad inside. times like this I feel totally out of control and of course I am. Not in control. I feel lost. I know all of this kind of things is the ebb & flow of life.. moving, change, and even death. but never can I get use to it. I fight it each and every time. feeling a loss deep in my soul. I grasp at straws. going into the past memories and I cry. but like Colette said in a comment: always remember that life is fluid, never static. feelings come and go, and you float with them.
But I just hate this lost empty feeling...

10 comments:

Fire Byrd said...

So much of your life has been in turmoil for so long it's not surprising that you get upset over another change in your life.
Be kind to yourself Robyn, it is ok to feel sad and bruised cause you are those things. But know that it will pass these things always do.
love
xx

Ruth said...

Partings are always sad - how can we not be sad when we care about people? I suppose all we can do is carry on living and loving with the people who are still around in our lives.

gemma said...

Dearest Robyn, I know how you feel. My father worked for the railroad,as a child we moved a lot. Every time I made friends we moved away.Many tears shed.I still have long distance friendships.For example I feel close to you even though you are far away...not the same as someone you see often. I hope when you & DH get together with Wendy and Phil you'll have great reunions.
love

Ann Martin said...

oh my, I know just what you mean, I don't deal well with change either and having dear friends move away is always hard. You'll just have to make plans to visit once they're settled.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Parting is such sweet sorrow, as Shakespeare said. It's only natural to grieve change.

amelia said...

The hardest thing for me was moving away from my kids but it's the only way we could afford for me to retire and with my hips and knees I couldn't work any more..I feel once your kids have gone, nothing else can hurt quite as much.
I know the internet is not quite the same as sitting with your friends but for me it's the only way I have of keeping my family close. Not as good as the real thing but not too bad either..

Linda - Gold Coast said...

{{{Hugs}}} ♥ Linda xoxo

Janet said...

I am not good with changes either. It's always difficult when good friends move away. But everyone has a little of that in their lives and we just have to be happy for the ones going. I'm sure they're sad to leave behind all their friends and move someplace new.

Winterwood said...

Robyn, maybe that feeling of loss and you posted in just the other day was a preparation of this about to happen, maybe you could 'feel' that something was about to happen? I know how you feel I hate change too!

Pam said...

I used to love change Robyn. Really welcome and embrace it, and always happy and optimistic for other who where in the process of readjustments. What is it that changes that? Comments here are always wonderful and I can relate to Amelia's comment well.It's like separation anxiety, calling up all the bravery we can muster!, therefore I guess we become as gentle and understanding with ourselves as we have previously with our young ones. It's as confusing to me as it is to you, and I'm hoping to take heart from the comments too! Perhaps the Australian Bush Essences may help - grief, sadness, loss etc....and remember, that the grief is proportionate to the amount of love invested. There should certainly be no embarrassment in tears formed from loving friends that much! You'll keep in touch, and your friends were probably tentatively expecting that reaction anyway.You love them, end of story, and that's a precious thing.Once again, your openess and honesty is such a help to others on their individual journey.Take care.xxx