"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Thursday, 17 September 2009

yes, I am willing to learn to let myself create!! of course I am..damn it!!!!

I am not going to harp on about how I can't paint.. no .. but I am gonna sift through stuff to try and work out why I have this block.. over the past week, I have had so many, many supportive emails and comments, telling me I can do it!!
yes, I know I am creative, because I created these paintings last year.. (but there was much angst in my soul as I created these)

(spiritual shrine a gift from Gemma)

give me fabric & I will create a work of art - a woollen bag, a quilt,

a cushion

give me a plot of ground

& I will make for you a Garden of Eden

or a sacred space where your soul will sigh with peace..

give me a house

and I guarantee I will create a home full of whimsy and joy

wooden spoon & mixing bowls? tagines, olive oil, parsley... give me anything from a kitchen and I can whip up a storm!

but give me paint, paper and a brush and I freeze. my mouth goes dry, my mind blank and I dither.

right, I am going to paint.. I put paint to paper, look at it, hate it and rip it up. and on and on this goes, til my rubbish bins looks like that of a frustrated writer...I have no idea whatsoever why I do this.. but I am ready to change

the voice in my head tells me to forget about.. yes, I could do that. I could ignore the urging of spirit to get this picture down onto paper out my head, I could ignore the promptings of what you call my muse - and I could do those things that I do best, but damn it, I don't want to. I WANT TO PAINT !!

I want to lose myself in watercolours. I want to see with my heart and paint from my soul... I can see in my mind what I want to paint.. but I just cannot get it down on paper...take the leap I hear you and Spirit say... *sigh* I wish it were that easy... I gotta delve into my past to see where this is coming from.. my inner critic seems to have a very loud voice.


Kavindra said...

Let me venture a possibility ... you are so good at your other creative outlets (I LOVE your well-deserved confidence) that maybe you are feeling angst painting because you are not as good and confident at it ... YET. Personally I know I have trouble with the first tries, with making something ugly or not what I wanted ... I want to be good right off the bat. Do you need to give yourself permission to just make crap while you learn?

(The paintings you did before look wonderful. But you could still give yourself permission to make crap and see if it frees you up.)

Meanwhile I love how you are really taking on this Artist Way! You Are Tearing It Up!

Holly said...

Gawd! You want everything don't ya?!

LOL! So paint, but don't draw on the paper first. If what you want is the soothing flow of the colors on the paper running this way and that, then do it.

It doesn't have to 'look' like something if what you want is to see the colors!

And, that statue in your garden!? How did something so wonderful find its way into your space?!!!

I'm so coming to get it.

laoi gaul~williams said...

oh robyn, isn't it funny how you can have ideas and images in your head but find it so hard to put it to paper.
i have had an image in my head for a couple of months now of a piece of work i want to do for my dad (who is an exhibited artist) but i have been putting off actually doing it because i know it just wont be as good as it is in my head...

Serena said...

we will be here barracking you on, robyn! just relax and enjoy the process....and try not to put expectations on gentle and remember to breathe ~ :)

Suzi Smith said...

hello someone who loves to splash paint i just have to answer this.... I love working with colour but can't paint 'things'... yet. I just havn't applied myself! That 'yet' is very important & a tutor of mine was very insistent that we add it to any negative comment we made about our work! It takes some of the negativity out of the statement & implies you will be able to (positive thinking & all that, lol)

Another thing is to get rid of those 'perfect' pictures in your mind & play with paint.... enjoy x

Rose said...

I must admit I can't paint and have a bit of a block over trying to recreate anything to life like. I found Caspiana's soul journaling prompts fantastic and really enjoyed experimenting with paint effects. I found some other painting crept into my soul journal.... Maybe with time...

I believe though that anyone can paint. Chrildren create masterpieces and then suddenly they become aware of their work and parrot 'I can't paint', 'I can't....'

Go slap paint around and have fun! Those other paintings you did are lovely!

Mel said...

At least you have acknowledged that you ARE a creative soul....there is much evidence of that....

..the delving will give you the answer....

have faith, Dear One...


Imogen said...

I very seldom feel entitled to do things like giving advice as everyone's experiences are different and everyone's way into their creativity is through being true to their own soul and calling, not by following someone else's rules, interdictions or suggestions. But, that said, this is a classic situation where the old motto "if at first you don't succeed, try and try again" needs to be both observed and adapted slightly. You mention (& so do several of the comment-writers)wanting to get down the image in your head onto the paper and being frustrated because you can't achieve that. In my personal experience a lot of interesting and exciting pictures get thrown away because they don't look like the picture in the artist's head; the painter is so stuck on what they WANT to do that they just can't see what they HAVE done is amazing in it's own right. So I'd say, "if at first you don't succeed, adjust your parameters of what constitutes success - and THEN try and try again". And very best of British luck to you, because you are powering away there, lass! This may well turn out to be one of those Big Blocks that can suddenly crumble like Jericho...

Laurie said...

Dear Robyn.
I know you can paint,you are one of those most creative people I know. In a way I have always thought of you as my Muse ~ helping me along when I have been stuck. Ha ~ You should see my attempts at watercolor. But I do it for the sheer joy,I don't care if they are "good" or not. I get lost in time and it frees my soul to be creative in a way I never thought possible.
Robyn, everything you share has such heart and soul, I can only imagine how wonderful your paintings will be!!

I want to wonder through your garden and oh, to sit in that beautiful room in your photo!!

You know the motto ~ "Just do it!!"

Sending love and hugs))

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

I´ve said more than once that I´d love a brain scanner, so the art in my head would be printed without my hands getting in the way. :D

Tinker said...

You are so creative in so many areas, Robyn. I know those inner critics can be hard to ignore sometimes - I know I hear them too often. I keep reminding myself they're just trying to 'protect' me from the critics I fear in the outside world. Getting those inner critics to be quiet so I can have just have some fun, can be the hardest part, but it's worth it to keep on trying, I think. I tell 'them' we don't have to show anybody else if we don't want to, and that gets them to be quiet for a little while, at least. Still, thank heavens for erasers and gesso - and lots of paper!

Marisa said...

Just get "slap happy" and do it. Sometimes what you consider imperfect may be wonderful creations in the eyes of others.

Diva Kreszl said...

LIke anything else and all your other talents, painting is something you learn with practice. You didn't start out knowing everything about sewing, gardening, cooking or homemaking. Allow yourself time to play with the materials and you will find your comfort zone as you have before!

Sorrow said...

think of the little engine that could,,
I know you can
I know you can
I know you can...

gemma said...

After you tear all those paintings up, sift through the garbage and put them back together in ways that feel right to you. Robyn I don't doubt a bit that you will blow us all away with your artist!
Just play, have fun, enjoy it.
Love you!

Jan said...

I was just getting to say what Gemma said ... Play with your torn papers ... put them together in ways that appeal to you ... is there a paper quilt there? ... use them for collage ... if you don't want them ... I do :-).

Teresa Lynne said...

I know the feeling, I hear ya! My paintings look like my nine-year-old son did them, go look at my blog!

Great pictures and I LOVE the shrine!

Billie Jane said...

Hi Robyn... painting can be difficult especially if you are trying to reproduce an image in your mind. I think sometimes its helpful to learn how to paint by going to a class... you will learn how to paint what is in other peoples minds but the techniques you learn are very useful when it comes to trying to reproduce your own dream canvass. Or you could just laugh... close your eyes and go for it!

Kathryn Knoll said...

This is me,speaking as a trained art therapist for a moment, Dear Miss R: I would not start right out with paint, because it is a very unstructured medium. Work up to it by getting some of those water soluable colored pencils and draw a circle in the middle of your paper. Trace around a dinner plate. Put a dot or small circle in the middle and make a design from that. Let you flowers be your inspiration. When you get comfortable with this process. and you have made many mandalla designs, try going over some of your work with a wet paintbrush and let the water work magic on your colored pencil design. Not over the whole piece, unless you feel the need to see what the water will do to your work. After a while, make some designs with your colored pencils outside of a mandalla circle. Add a bit of magic to your drawing by using the brush again. Do it gradually. Later you can graduate to watercolor paints. Begin gradually and work up to water color. It's not so scarey then. Hugs, Sr.K

~Sheila~ said...

Do you remember when you started school, and the teacher gave the class an art 'lesson'.
Usually each child got a piece of paper, the poster paints were in the middle of the table, and it was a free for all. You just delighted in seeing the colours go from your brush to the paper.
You knew what it was, though I doubt anyone else did, until you told them. You probably took it home, and were terribly proud of your masterpiece.
Well maybe you need to begin again from that vantage point, and do it with all the confidence of a five year old. You may surprise yourself..!