I am here my lovely readers, but I am struggling right now... my ancestral connections seems to be getting stronger and stronger in my soul... and it is making me weep.. the ache in my heart to know them is awful and I don't know why this is happening.. it is not of my making...I feel like I am disconnected from here in the present and I could weep with wanting to live back then. It is like some of my soul pieces are still back there with my ancestral connections & I want to return to where they lived in Cornwall, to see what they did, how they lived, what they ate, did they garden, were they witches.. what kind of houses did they live in and on and on it goes... there must be an answer out there somewhere for this to be so strong in my soul, it is like they are calling me. .. from beyond.
I have phoned Rookwood Cemetery, here in Sydney, where Laura is buried... have found her grave and am planning on taking myself there, to sit with her and somehow connect with her... sad thing is she died only 8 years before I was born... maybe she was at my birth in spirit...
one of my wise women friends from the Wild Woman group that I go to on Tuesdays.. emailed me this morning in support of my struggle:~
It is easy to romanticize the past and another place as being better than our own but I am sure that there were some really crappy things that our ancestors had to put up with as well. If you truly are your ancestor then they are living on through you now and are lucky enough to experience the good bits of your life....like the freedom to play in your gypsy caravan.......to create your beautiful garden......to have a partner that provides security and a home that you love.
the most important thing is to live the life you think your ancestors would have loved to live given the chance........live your life.......break free..........cast off the responsibility to mother for a while and nurture your own soul. If that means going to Cornwall then bloody well do it......Living in a physical body is a precious gift but it is the mental attitude that often stops us from doing what we want. STOP....REST and honour yourself enough to put yourself first.
I would suggest do not fight this urge to know your ancestors, I would say research.
I would also say to write about what you think about them. I would also say paint or draw or sketch or whatever you need to do.......don't suppress it.
wise words from a wise woman... I am on edge.. not settling.. so I took myself out into the garden this July morning, always a grounding thing for me....
the garden is a place of solace for me..
bales of lucerne waiting to be spread on the garden as mulch, old tyres waiting to be painted & compost to be turned... chores to be done this weekend.
the oranges are ripening.. I usually wait for the first frost before i start picking them.. the frost sweetens them!
my daphnes are in bloom once again.. my garden at the moment is a perfumed delight.. I could drown in it.