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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Wednesday, 1 July 2009

ancestral connections & a walk in my garden this 1st of July...

I am here my lovely readers, but I am struggling right now... my ancestral connections seems to be getting stronger and stronger in my soul... and it is making me weep.. the ache in my heart to know them is awful and I don't know why this is happening.. it is not of my making...I feel like I am disconnected from here in the present and I could weep with wanting to live back then. It is like some of my soul pieces are still back there with my ancestral connections & I want to return to where they lived in Cornwall, to see what they did, how they lived, what they ate, did they garden, were they witches.. what kind of houses did they live in and on and on it goes... there must be an answer out there somewhere for this to be so strong in my soul, it is like they are calling me. .. from beyond.

I have phoned Rookwood Cemetery, here in Sydney, where Laura is buried... have found her grave and am planning on taking myself there, to sit with her and somehow connect with her... sad thing is she died only 8 years before I was born... maybe she was at my birth in spirit...

one of my wise women friends from the Wild Woman group that I go to on Tuesdays.. emailed me this morning in support of my struggle:~
It is easy to romanticize the past and another place as being better than our own but I am sure that there were some really crappy things that our ancestors had to put up with as well. If you truly are your ancestor then they are living on through you now and are lucky enough to experience the good bits of your life....like the freedom to play in your gypsy caravan.......to create your beautiful garden......to have a partner that provides security and a home that you love.
the most important thing is to live the life you think your ancestors would have loved to live given the chance........live your life.......break free..........cast off the responsibility to mother for a while and nurture your own soul. If that means going to Cornwall then bloody well do it......Living in a physical body is a precious gift but it is the mental attitude that often stops us from doing what we want. STOP....REST and honour yourself enough to put yourself first.
I would suggest do not fight this urge to know your ancestors, I would say research.
I would also say to write about what you think about them. I would also say paint or draw or sketch or whatever you need to do.......don't suppress it.


wise words from a wise woman... I am on edge.. not settling.. so I took myself out into the garden this July morning, always a grounding thing for me....

the garden is a place of solace for me..

bales of lucerne waiting to be spread on the garden as mulch, old tyres waiting to be painted & compost to be turned... chores to be done this weekend.

the oranges are ripening.. I usually wait for the first frost before i start picking them.. the frost sweetens them!

my daphnes are in bloom once again.. my garden at the moment is a perfumed delight.. I could drown in it.

26 comments:

amelia said...

Robyn, I would give a lot to be able to visit your garden. Even though I'm not a gardener I'm sure I could easily get lost in yours.

Very wise words from your friend. Wise woman..

Tracy said...

Wise words from your Wild Woman friend. Your garden is magical! :)

Mel said...

Wise words indeed....it never *does* to dismiss a soul-calling....

Besides, when you add up the synchronous events of late, 'tis a powerful message you're getting....

~much love~

PS. You have a very lovely garden..I can see why you find it grounding!! :)

spirit said...

Yes very wise words from your friend.I'm so pleased Robyn that you find solice in your garden.We have a henge nearby,I love to sit there at one with nature and the past...the feeling is amazing.

Janet said...

Your friend is most definitely a wise woman. I would say follow her words.

And enjoy your garden....it seems to be a place where you feel at home.

Sorrow said...

Very wise words..
indeed!
and what a wonderful garden to sooth your restless spirit.

Grammy said...

Wonderful advice. I too have always love the simple life like on the tv show little house on the prairie. And was always day dreaming of the life in the past too. I felt as though I belonged there. But it could be a past life coming though if that is possible. I am now satisfied with my research of family history and let it lay in peace. As I know my grandmother practiced the old ways and was not aware of them being Wiccan. A story I was told that the door of her home blew open and in came a wind and she knew it was her mother who had just past. So she was very in tune with the spirit world. And I was at the house when my real dad passed and his spirit bounced off the walls and was controlling the light in the dining room. He was not at peace for quite a while. But I have learned to make peace with my life and live one day at a time. I now am free of worry and want. It took a couple of years of self talk and I am free to be happy. I did a final cleansing of my mind and home on the last solstice and it seems to be working.
Be blessed my friend and peace be with you too.

Angela said...

With you. Thanks for the beautiful pictures of your garden.

Genie Sea said...

AH! Your garden is a heavenly place. The lost queendom of fairies and daffodils.

Your friend's words are wise indeed. How do you deal with a pull so magnetic, so overpowering?

Follow it to its source. You know you can. You have it in you :)

gemma said...

Going to see Laura is a good idea. Talk and spend time with her. I have a feeling you two will connect. Perhaps invite her into
your garden where you can visit regularly.

Kathryn Knoll said...

For everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven and you are guided to explore what your heart shows you is right. Be at peace with this, as a knowing and go forward in it. Do not question the whys and wherefores, but just explore and take it in as an innocent soul with no preconceived notions about the outcome. Your heart knows the way...

Tori said...

That is truly wise advice from your friend! I hope you can find a way to make your struggle easier.

Your garden is lovely. It would be amazing to visit!

Rose said...

I think you should come visit my blog... There is a preset there for you and you shall know it from the title of the post.

I hope it is a good time...

Wendy said...

Your garden looks absolutely delightful! Those oranges....yum, yum.
Wise words from your friend. I would have suggested that you write. Write down the feelings trying to come through you. Write down the stories struggling to come out. Channel the words, channel the energies. Your ancestors may be trying to speak through you.
Love and Light

peppylady said...

Very wise word from wise woman.

As always your garden is sure is beautiful.
I don't what it is but being a part of garden does help one spirit.

Coffee is on.

Rose said...

Serpentine? Oh dear.... I can do my best but no idea when....

I used to carry some hematite but I misplaced it. I need to make some jewellery I can wear unobtrusively. What stones would you suggest?

docwitch said...

that's a beautiful garden you have there. Gardening is a great source of spiritual and emotional sustenance to me too.

I really understand what you're saying in regards to the pull of ancestral connections. I went through so much of what you describe a couple of years ago. A yearning, an ache, (for my Scottish highland ancestors with whom we still have close connections in a very, very remote part of Scotland). I dreamt of being surrounded by many generations of them as I stood in a marshland on the edge of a loch. They spoke to me, and I felt very called to visit their lands. I wasn't able to do so, but it's something that I must do. Will do.

I hope that whatever you decide to do, brings you peace and a sense of connectedness with your own ancestral past and legacies.

And btw - your blog is exquisite.

Imogen said...

If you have a pull this hard drawing you, surely it is good to take it as a message? I know visiting overseas can be tough (aargh, the cost!!) but it does sounds as though your soul is calling loudly to you. Let it come through, any way you can, and if you can, let it (that inner pull, I mean) know that you are working towards finding answers the old-fashioned, direct way, by coming to Britain and visiting the ancestral home and hearthland/heartland. And then, if you can, come.

In Cornwall the bones of mother earth are very near the surface and sometimes the whole land seems to beat like a heart. I think it is a land that would speak to you very, very deep down.

By the way, it's wonderful, sitting here in London in a sweltering July heatwave, to see your pictures of Daphne bholua and camelias in flower, and to think with joy of the wheel of the year turning ever on and the cool seasons coming round again...

Be blessed and happy.

Imogen.

Pam said...

Robyn there are so many wise words and sentiments here. Can I just give a warm smile of agreement and pass on the biggest of hugs to you.Tales of Inglewood is such a special place to visit.

Kavindra said...

How wonderful that you have this circle with women like the email-sender to support and strengthen and guide you ... and to laugh and make magic with. Tuesdays must be your favorite day of the week!

I miss you - please come out online more and spin your stories...
xo

Suzie said...

I agree with your wise woman friend. If the urge is there, don't fght it. Do as she says, research, write, draw and create. If the opportunity is available to travel to learn more hten do it.

Your garden is gorgeous, and if it soothes you, then spend more time there :)

Much love xox

docwitch said...

Not sure if you're into these, but I've given you a little award over at mine : )

Holly said...

Robyn,
There is not better than here...it's just different.

That applies to time as well as geography.

The call you are feeling from your ancestors is, I believe, your internal Muse calling you to examine parts of yourself that are missing, or diminished, or longing to be developed further. Brought forward in position of prominence, so to speak.

Our ancestors are a thread for certain, but in this case, with the strong emotions you are experiencing, and not simply curiosity, I am being told to tell you that you must seek the answers of connection from within.

I hope this gives you more to consider as you stand in your lovely garden and feel the time of your life all around you.

Bright Blessings...

Holly said...

Dear Friend:
As I read your post, I am asked to give you a message.

The thread of connection that you are seeking now, is not from those who lived before. There is no better than here, simply different. That statement relates to history as much as geography.

The feelings that well up around you now are parts of your spirit that you have given away or left behind in other life times. You are longing for integration and reconnection. You have parts of your spirit who desire to be moved forward in your awareness, or have the opportunity to be grown and better nurtured.

Any time you feel such longing and it tears and makes you cry, it's about yourself that you cry...so look within.

The thread of connection to your ancestors gives you a sense of belonging. You must find a way to give this gift to yourself.

As you stand in your lovely garden and feel the time of your life all around you. Find answers from within. What do you hope to grow? What parts of your spirit need to be nurtured and brought along?

I hope you find some peace...and a sense of the thread that you continue by being you in our lifetime.

Bright Blessings.

Serena said...

your friend is a very wise woman. and what a beautiful haven you have in your garden.

Night Owl said...

Your garden is wonderful :-) Listen to your heart, and you may decide to visit your ancestors homeland.