"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)

Saturday, 14 March 2009


I woke this morning thinking of Carcassone... have no idea why.. it could be that I watched Rick Stein a few nights back and he was in the area and had a little segment about the Cathars... when I hear of them, it makes me shiver... same as when I hear of the Templars... were they the same people? I don't know, but I do know that a past life of mine involves that time in history, along with the catholic faith and is very strong in this life that I am living now, ....I had never heard of any of it until I read the DaVinci Code, which by the way had me mesmerized - I even cried in the movie.. had to control myself before i left the theatre as I was sobbing so much. As usual, I will wait to see what is revealed to me over the next weeks... there is a reason why I woke thinking of Carcassone, there is a reason why I am drawn to France right now..(never have been before) and there is a reason why I have yet another yearning in my soul.. this time, I am at peace with my journey. thank God.

I have been harvesting beans! eating some and saving others for next years planting... perfect time to do it.. coming up to the Autumn Equinox next week.

my bean plants have been prolific this year.. I love my garden and I am sure the plants thrive on love as we all do.. they repay me with abundance.

gathering beans, shelling and seed saving, all meditative practices which help me through anxious times....

I have been having anxiety attacks the past week, to the point of not being able to breath.. it is awful. I am trying to get to blogs to visit but just cannot sit for any length of time.

an update on Paul: he is now in Prince of Wales hospital under a specialist called Dr Teo - a neurosurgeon who has success with this kind of tumour... not sure where this will all go but Paul is being operated on, this Monday.. so I ask that you continue sending love, prayers and light.
if you are interested in Dr Teo.. here is an interesting article.. there is always hope..
Dr Charlie Teo


amelia said...

Oh Robyn,

Anxiety attacks are horrible I've heard. I've been lucky enough never to have them but I've read they can be very debilitating. I know you are very much into natural meds but maybe you need something stronger for these!

Anonymous said...

I have a wonderful book called 'The Cathars' by Sean Martin. Look out for it.

Still holding you and your family in my thoughts Robyn.

Tori said...

The Da Vinci code is an amazing book! It had me mesmerized too.
Your beans look great! The love you pour into your garden shows.

I will continue to send love and light. I hope the best for Paul.

peppylady said...

I don't why something pops in our minds or hearts the other day I thought of some neighborhood kids when I was young.
Hubby and I are thinking of planting now although there snow still on the grown here "winter please go away"

I don't why but I too been having panic attack and there no fun.

I'll keep Paul in my thoughts.

Coffee is on.

Billie Jane said...

My teenage son suffers from panic attacks... its not nice at all. Your underlying anxiety is probably fueling this mood state. They will probably pass once things have resolved themselves with your brother in law. Sending positive calming thoughts your way.

Ruth said...

I have always wanted to visit Carcassone too, even since ages before I first heard about the cathars!
Sending love to Paul and to you xxx

Genie Sea said...

My prayers are unending for Paul. May a miracle restore him. May he thrive like your love-filled garden :)

Hugs! Breathe Robyn! :)

Sorrow said...

Holding on gently,
sorry to hear about the panic attacks,
just breath Robyn, and let go of the fear.
Holding you close in thoughts~

Paula and Skip said...

Your pics are great and isnt it funny that I used to live in Carcasonne for a while, just before fallowing in love with an American, moving to Spain and now to the States with him.

Wendy said...

Panic attacks and mood swings. I thought menopause was over. Guess not, or else there is something weird in the air.
I woke up from a dream in which I was screaming and screaming, but nobody could hear me.

Your beans look good. Gardening is good for the soul.

Keeping Paul in my prayers.

Deedee said...

Robyn - Thirty or so years ago I suffered from severe anxiety attacks off and on for about 5 years. Meditation, breathing exercises and taking vitamins has helped immensely. I also came to a realization that the root of it is fear, and the root of all fear is fear of death. Through a strong faith and spiritual life, I feel like I have lost some of that fear, and the attacks have stopped completely. I don't believe in medication except as a last resort - they all have side effects. Best wishes!

Serena said...

My kids and I all read The DaVinci Code and were completely mesmerised too. Great book!

Sorry to hear you've been having panic attacks though. I hope you find calm and comfort from your garden. (((Hugs)))

solsticedreamer~laoi gaul~williams said...

how funny i have been reading about the cathars lately and saw a really good documentary about them.