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"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)


Tuesday, 27 January 2009

sometimes life... well... just sucks

I know a couple. an elderly couple in their mid 80's. I have known them for around 20 years.. they are not close friends, I see them once or twice a year. Every New Years eve we spend together at a mutual friends dinner party. They come from Scotland. Let's call them Tom & Julie to protect their privacy....

They had a pact. That if one died, the other would take a pill. to follow their soul mate. They didn't want to be apart. Beautiful love story. Neither of them wanted to be kept alive on machines......I know exactly how they feel.

He was the dark haired man, who bought the lump of coal and whiskey in the front door on New Years day... an old Scottish belief apparently. She is a cross between Auntie Mame and Lucille Ball.... elegantly dressed with an out there twist. Nails impeccably manicured and bright red hair

Our weather has been stinking hot here. Unbearable for elderly people. This God forsaken land that I am trying to love is hot.

In the heat wave last week, 'Tom' had a stroke. He is now in a coma. He didn't get to take his pill and now he is on a machine. 'Julie', was deemed unable to look after herself at home and is now in a nursing home, an hour away from her soul mate. She is too old to drive. He drove her everywhere. Now she can't see him unless someone can take her.... we are getting a roster together so that each day she can travel to see her loved man..... but when she does get there.. she doesn't understand why he won't talk to her. She didn't get to take her pill either.


Then we have my good friend Peter.. who is nearly 76. He is losing weight rapidly in this heat... and he looks so frail now... I am panicking.

Then we have Rita... a woman I met only a few months ago. Full of wisdom and knowledge. She is in her 70's. I was so looking forward to getting to know her, to learn from her, to absorb her wisdom. She has just found out she has pancreatic cancer and has 6 mths to live.

I am in a state of high anxiety with all of this going on. I hate this. I hate change. Fears of abandonment come flooding back. fears of being alone. I hate it.

so you see, life sucks sometimes.

Now I am going to sit with this, with my feelings and thoughts and try to find something good in it.

17 comments:

Kim said...

Sorry to hear that these sad stories are getting you down, Robyn. It's hard when people you know are struggling. Take care and have a virtual (((HUG))) from the other side of the World.

Lots of love

Kim x

amelia said...

Oh how very sad!This elderly couple should somehow be allowed to be together. I wonder if he is aware but unable to speak? That would be a living hell, one which I've always dreaded.
It's scary when this stuff happens but you will never be alone as long as you have your children..

Krissie said...

Oh robyn, isnt life awful sometimes. My mum died of pancreatic cancer and its one of the less 'pleasant' cancers to put it mildly.I really feel your pain and loss as a nother generation goes before us. I am seeing this too here all the time as old friends start to depart.Such is life.

on another note though yourfairy inspired me so much yesterday that today I am going to spotlight and getting some supplies and try and make one of my won. I googles fairy jars and apparently they are really popular to make at the mo!! love it!

Genie Sea said...

Hugs sweetheart. I know what you are going through. I send you love.

peppylady said...

I don't understand why things in life works out in certain ways.
But I truly believe God/dess never gives us more then we can handle.

Your a dear friend to these elderly people and it sure sound like they could use a kind heart and a ear to listen and make no judgments.

Coffee is on

Leanne said...

Robyn, Ive just lost my uncle. I never knew him as a child, we met when I was already adult. I wish I'd known him better, for all instead of only half of my lifetime. i feel really sad that such knowledge, such experience, such zest for this life is gone from us now. his individual light here in this lifetime has gone out, but I take comfort that he hasnt gone, but has simply gone ahead, and we will meet again one day. i hope you can find comfort in this belief too, as people dear to you draw to the end of this particular life. there is more, and that comforts me

leanne x

Sacred Suzie said...

Oh god, these stories are horrible Robyn. I'm so sorry. I know, there are sad stories everywhere right now. They all break my heart and life does suck a lot of the time. Hang in OK? We gotta hang in.

Tracy said...

I'm so sorry, Robyn... {{hugs}}

Tori said...

I am so sorry that these things are happening. You're right... sometimes life does just suck. It always gets better in time though. Change is scary.

Sheila@Simple Indulgences said...

Life can be so cruel can't it.
I wonder sometimes if all these sad happenings are a gentle nudge to remind us that we never know what is around the corner. Every day is to be lived to the fullest, even if it is just sitting and watching the clouds go by, if that is what makes you content.
It seems like we get to a 'good place' and things begin to unravel before our eyes. There is no easy way to get through this with them, except one day at a time.
Love and big hugs as always...
xox

Pam said...

Humbly help where you can Robyn - that way you will be a part of their bigger picture.Getting old takes bravery doesn't it!

kim said...

That is so hard. How ownderful that you are putting a roster together so she can see him. Sometimes that is all it takes to bring someone out of a coma, the voice of a loved one.

Tinker said...

Sometimes life just isn't fair, is it...
Something similar happened to our neighbors across the street, a few years ago, where they ended up in separate nursing homes. They started out in the same one, then because the wife wouldn't stop continuing to try to take care of the husband, the children were worried she would harm herself, and placed him in another facility. I felt so bad for both of them - and who is to say, that she wouldn't rather go out that way - rather than live longer, yet be separated from her husband of over 50 years?!
Sending many, many ((hugs)) your way, Robyn~XOXO

Serena said...

I'm so sorry about your friends, Robyn. Not much I can add except to say life really sucks sometimes. In some ways, it makes us appreciate the good and special moments all the more. I'm sure your friends appreciate the beautiful person that you are, especially in their time of hardships and sorrow. (((Hugs)))

A bird in the hand said...

Dear Robyn,
When you can't change the circumstances, the next best thing is to help make them confortable. Which you are already doing. xxoo

Kathryn Knoll said...

If you look at death the way we all have traditionally, it sucks for sure. A diminishment of physical life is hard to watch or experience. We are all getting older, and, yikes, the body just doesn't work the way it use to when we were young. But our spirits are just getting stronger and pretty soon our bodies just won't be able to contain all that light. It will have to just let go, like the trees shed their leaves in the fall and winter...sigh....but think about where it all might be leading.... It's just a thought.

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Robyn I hate how we call ourselves civilised yet aren't allowed to end our days with dignity ... we have birthing rooms why not departing rooms.