peace in the familiar...comfort in the mundane

it is suprising how the simple, ordinary tasks can bring comfort and focus in times of stress...

folding the clothes early this morning, I realised that my mind had stilled and my breathing had slowed... I was thinking of Paul. My mind wasn't worrying and I wasn't jumping from one task to the next. I was focused... I was praying but not in the normal way...

Today as I go about my housework, I will be thinking of Paul alot, I know... but now, I won't be stressing or panicking, I will simply turn to a familiar task.... to take me back to my centre of peace. a candle is lit on my altar for him.. as I go about my chores, I will add little touches of beauty.. flowers in an old jar.. to bring peace & beauty to our lives today

today Paul (Dutch husbands brother), faces his brain surgery. hopefully to successfully remove 95% of the tumour.. chemo and radiation will follow. he will most likely lose control of his left side... thankyou so much for the continuing prayers & thoughts, for candles lit & love sent.

about Harry

isn't he so cute??

Just a little update on Harry - remember a few months back when he was very ill? Well after many tests and an MRI (poor little mite) - the paediatrician has discovered that his left kidney is not formed properly and is only working at 28% - the other one is healthy. Eventually the unformed kidney will shrivel and be absorbed by the body. This is quite common in boys, apparently.. (but it makes me wonder how healthy a mother has to be to have healthy children... my daughter was totally organic before and during her pregnancy)

he is now 8mths old!!

and another photo cause I am totally besotted by this gorgeous little boy...

goodbye and hello..

Brigittes funeral was on Tuesday and we have arrived home exhausted after a harrowing three days. Her funeral was interstate and Joe and I drove down. a long drive but we took our time, staying overnight, halfway. we packed a thermos and some sandwiches and stopped a few times to walk around and have cups of tea. We talked alot and Joe reminisced on his childhood memories of his sister.

The time was bittersweet.. saying goodbye to his younger sister but catching up with his 8 other siblings some of whom he hasn't seen in 10 years.. alot of memories. laughter as well as tears were shared that day. and if you can say a funeral was wonderful... then this one was.

but what is it about funerals that makes you re-assess your own life? what is it that makes you sit and wonder what people could say about you, when you die? what is it that makes you want to be a better person?

I sat through Brigittes funeral on Tuesday listening to the eulogy and it made me want to be a nicer person, a more tolerant and patient person. A person who exudes love..... it is like each funeral I attend gives me a nudge to try again, to let go of pettiness, to forget grudges, to try to bring more love and peace into the world... this time, I hope I can remember all the thoughts that rushed through my mind on that day.

but Brigittes death has also made me realize that I must find a stronger protection for myself at times like this. I have taken on so much grief that is not mine... I am drained, absolutely drained.

so here I am, back to Inglewood in Woodford...... hoping that the Sun will soon realize that I need some warmth..

with the angels

We all come from the goddess
And to her we shall return
Like a drop of rain
Flowing toward the ocean

Yesterday, we received news that Joe's younger sister had passed away..... after a long battle with damn cancer.

Dear Brigitte, enjoy your time with the angels...... you didn't deserve the suffering you went through ... hope you are enjoying being with your earthly mum again...

just call me YOGI and our little bundle of joy......

i am like a hibernating bear lately... all I want to do is roll up in a ball and sleep. It seems that my body is VERY intune with the season this year... lucky for me I am able to do that and the past weeks all I seem to be doing is getting under that vintage eiderdown in front of the fire and sleeping.... well in between running outside to the clothes line to hang clothes on the line... and of course my usual daily chores still get done..but not much more... except of course - excavating my authentic self/my wise woman... I cannot even bring myself to go out into the garden.. I try but something inside shrieks to get back into the warm and also to look outside at Mother Earth..she is resting so I must take advice from her, I think. friends have been commenting and I naughtily have not been visiting blogs... it is so cold that I cannot spend much time here on the computer... so please don't think I am ignoring your blogs... you are all constantly in my thoughts.

just lately, I have been reminiscing about my childhood .. I have been going through my old books, the ones that I have kept all those years and of course I have Heidi and Little Women.. and but I also have a book that I 'won' back in 1964 when I was 6 at Sunday School.. called the Good Shepherd.. to look through that book and to see the sticker inside the front cover helped me to connect a tiny bit more with the little girl and the woman that is buried deep inside...bit by bit I am uncovering ME.. and it is good. I love it!! I am falling in love all over again with life, my home and my soul mate..

I am beginning to sound soppy lately.. but I am at such a peaceful place.. a place that I have probably never been before in my life.. it has been a struggle and the journey is far from over... but oh at the moment I feel soul settled!
now to this little bundle of JOY....

Harry 4 months old now! he is recovering after his time in hospital however, he had tests done yesterday and the Drs have found what they call kidney refulx.. he now has to go back to the pediatrician to see where they will go from here *sigh*... I am not going to say why us? although I do wonder... I spoke to my daughter yesterday and she is ok.. trying to be wise I gave her all the cliches... you know - there are worse off... a lesson in life.... things happen for reasons... you chose this path..... but she said to me 'mum, this is still my own baby and no-one is more important than him' - which pretty much says it all. ahh my daughter a wise woman already.

Harry, the meaning of life and thoughts from the Muddleheaded Wombat(cause that is what i feel like at the moment)

our dear little Harry is not well. He was taken to hospital on Sunday with high temps and was admitted. His temperature was quite high and the Drs could not stablize it. Yesterday he had an ultrasound done on his kidneys and they are ok however he has a UTI and will be in hospital for a few more days until the temperatures stay down and he will be on antibiotics for a month. After that he will have to have tests to see why he got the infection in the first place... the poor little mite..he is in a hospital cot, connected to drips and machines and he looks at you with those gorgeous big eyes.. it makes me cry.

I have Arch Angels Michael and Raphael at his bedhead and Mary Magdalene and the ascended Master Lord Sananda at the end. They are watching over him. I know he will be fine but it is awful to see him with huge needles going into his tiny arm... but he is trying so hard to be happy.. cooing and gurgling when he is awake.

it makes me wonder though... the whole time my daughter was trying to conceive.. she and her husband went off all chemicals, they followed a strict organic diet and she ate no seafood because of high levels of mercury, no soft cheeses, no junk food. Dear little Harry is an organic baby.. he is fed organic formula from teats and bottles that are chemical free.. his clothes are organic ... but he still gets sick.... just shows you how sick Mother Gaia must be.... too many chemicals, too much pollution for our human bodies to deal with.... it also makes me wonder why things happen like this...according to some, we manifest sickness in our bodies.. so does that mean that babies manifest cancer for themselves.. did Harry manifest this infection, somehow in his four months of life?? did he lie in his crib thinking thoughts along the lines of blaming others for his misfortunes in life.. being annoyed at 'his lot' cause according to Louise L Hay that is what a urinary tract infection means... or did he decide that he wanted this before he came to earth to 'learn a lesson' for his soul? I have absoltuely no idea but I am beginning to believe what my friend says and that is (excuse the french) 'shit happens'.... we have no control over what happens at all...anyhow... what I can do is love him.. hug him, give his parents a break from sitting in the hospital 24 hours...

I cannot settle to visiting blogs so don't think I am ignoring you if I haven't visited in a few days.. I will get to commenting soon ...

FULL MOON dreamboard & dream boat....beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy....

June full moon in Woodford.... 3am this morning to be precise.... a perfect day to spend some time in a favourite nature spot.... flowering in my garden at the moment is the daphne, the smell of Heaven... I have about 7 plants so my whole yard is perfumed with this most exquiste perfume, then also I have early jonquils - way too early.. I have calendula flowering merrily and small self seeded johnny jump ups coming up in my path.. I have lemons and oranges.... lots of parsley....according to my 'witch school' notes (remember that?)... it is Earth wombat Moon...a quiet time as nature watches and waits as the days lengthen towards Winter Solstice.... I don't have wombats here.. well, not that I know of... but I do have the daphne.. and I think I will call this Full Moon in Woodford 'the Daphne Moon'....
I have been creating a DreamBoard to help manifest the means to purchase the block of land next door....

AND SO IT IS...

I lit a candle in front of my journal and sent my dreams and wishes out to the Goddess of the Full Moon... AND SO IT IS.....

now to my dream boat....

isn't he gorgeous!! 3 months old on Sunday!!

this Sunday he is being baptised... the token baptism to keep the great grandparents happy...

tomorrow, we are celebrating winter solstice... and I hope to take him down under the pine tree, to my sacred space and sit with him.. to introduce him to the faeries.. to Mother earth and ask Her to protect him during his time here, in this life.

Harry is just the most delightful little boy... he is happy, he laughs and he makes us all smile... a true gift from Heaven!

introducing.......

Harry Frederick.......

weighing in at 7lbs 90z or thereabouts... 20 1/2" long and a small amount of dark hair that looks like it could be curly and very, very wise eyes, that seem to say... I have been here before....

thoughts from my confused self at around 3am Sunday morning...
I learned a few things yesterday - and one of those things was about prayer.....Yesterday, while my daughter was in the first stages of labour, I sat and prayed and begged that all would be well with the birth and that my daughter would come through unscathed, I had Archangel Raphael there, my ancestors, St Hildegarde administering herbs, I had Archangel Michael and all our patron saints on the case.... and what I pleaded for didn't happen... the birth was traumatic, the baby went into distress, there was a threatened emergency caesarean and after the birth, my daughter was rushed in for emergency surgery for damage done while in labour.... so how does prayer work? Does it 'work'? Or are all the events in our life planned..... or chosen by us before we come so it doesn't matter how much we pray, beg or plead to the great God it is already sealed in stone, so praying won't change matters.. which means praying is a waste of time. So why do we persist with the concept of prayer... why not be fatalistic? Over the years, I have prayed for many things.... some have been answered and some haven't.... other times, I didn't pray and things worked out ok anyhow.... so if we sit back and do nothing, things eventually work themselves out without the intercession of any angels or saints ..... I want to believe that prayer works, that there is some one to lean on in times of stress, but most times, it seems that it is all up to me.... that I am alone and as I have said before, God has left the building..... blogging to me has become a prayer... I put my concerns down in a post and within short periods of time there are words of support and comfort... words that I take with me while things sort themselves out....... maybe God is using the internet to work his magick!


that being said, I visited my daughter this morning and she is fine.. a little sore but looking radiant and Harry is just gorgeous. I had a little nurse and I love him already! not hard to do... yesterday, when I was there with my daughter, urging her to push, I felt such a connection with the wise women of my past.. I felt that they were all there, connected somehow through time and space, I felt as if we were in a clan of women, part of something bigger than we knew.. it was just an amazing sensation, surreal but real. and thankyou so very much for all the lovely emails and comments.. Louisa will print them out and stick them into the baby book xo

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Adabella Radici

Winter is back with a vengeance today... a bitterly cold wind is blowing outside, so there go my plans for being in the garden. Last Monday, my mum was taken to hospital early Monday morning after a weekend of shortness of breath and tightness in her chest...a suspected heart attack. She had an angiogram on Wednesday and we are at this moment, waiting for a decision from the heart specialist to see if she is able to have open heart bypass surgery.

I have been spending most of my time this week, driving to see her. It is a four hour round trip to see her.. I don't mind driving. I usually don't have music playing, but I spend the time thinking.. which I guess is sometimes not a good thing. Yesterday, the trip home, a usual 2 hour trip, took over 5 hours due to an oil spill on the mountain road... 5 fire brigades had to close the road while they mopped up..


* my mum & I taken about 2 years ago*

When I went yesterday to see her, she is sitting up in bed, worrying about all the other patients! Really, she must have a true strong Cornish heart.
a little teary and worried about me losing my mother.. she said to me, 'it is a different kind of grief losing your mother to when you lose your dad'... she is not worried at all about dying but worried that I will spend my time sitting by her bedside if she has a stroke, which there is a very high chance of happening if she has the operation due to her diabetes and family history. But if she opts not to have it, then she will progressively deteriorate and will most probably die of a massive heart attack. ... so we talked about that, as well as what she wants to happen when she dies, she wants to be cremated and put 'somewhere'.
... she gave me some jewellery for my girls and I did some reiki on her.... I took her a huge bunch of flowers from my garden - every single flower was out blooming, amazing. Snowdrops, daphne, roses, violets, lavender, feverfew... I am the eldest daughter, I have one sister who lives out in the country.
The emotions are so difficult, I know many of you will understand what I am going through... I feel a little guilty about not being able to have her live with me.... she has made me promise that if she has a stroke then she be put into a home. Daisy's blog came to mind, I remembered her once posting about her mum. so, I searched her blog for these words that I remembered. I needed some Daisy wisdom:

"my Mother has not adapted well to being a widow and that, combined with her illnesses, has left her with no joy in life and the feeling enough is enough and she is just treading water. Sad though this is, I am so appreciative of the doctor taking time to chat to me like that, and I just want to say to all of you who read my postings and are in the same position, please take those words to heart that the doctor told me. We are not cruel, we have done our best and there is NO need for guilt trips. "

Yesterday, she gave me a little gift that she had bought for Daisy. When Daisy passed, my mum cried with me.. She was so excited when Daisy helped find our Cornish roots. My mum is no saint, and as I have said before sometimes, she drives me mental... but I love her so much...

* taken on my deck last summer*

I am off again this afternoon to see her... I need to be close to her right now, for me... I need to tell her that I love her and that I will be ok. I need to hold her hand and cry..

*~* I hope your day is filled with butterflies, magick, colour & fripperies! ~*~