"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"(edith wharton)
why is it that early in the morning, when you are in a sleep induced stupor, that you have the most amazing thoughts going through your mind... you have insights that seem so unbelievably profound that you think you have found the meaning of life and you think to yourself, I must get that down.. but your sleep deprived self, turns over, promising to put it into words in the morning... and of course you cannot remember those thoughts when you come back to the real world in the morning at a civilized hour... happens to me all the time and happened this morning... I had thoughts of why I was here. I mean, I actually knew why I had been born in Australia instead of in Cornwall.... but I cannot remember why now.
I remember thinking that Australia is part of Mother Earth, that Australia is just as mystical and magickal as England... just in a different way. A wilder, more untamed way... and by not loving where I am living, I am not really loving all of Mother Earth..... I remember someone (was it myself, the angels or the ancestors??) telling me that there is magick all around me.. in the animals, the bush and the plants.... especially in the wild australian plants....of course, I didn't believe that..well I did when I first heard the voices but not when I woke up at the civilized time this morning..... magick in australian plants, I thought.. I don't think so.
anyhow... like I said.. I rolled over and went back to sleep and when I woke up, in my inbox was an email with this information:
Eucalyptus: Burnt in the home to protect the health from viruses, disease and plagues. The leaves are used to stuff healing poppets and are carried to maintain good health. To relieve colds, ring green candles with the leaves and pods and burn them to the socket, visualizing the person (or yourself) as being completely healthy. Also hang a small branch or twig of eucalyptus over the sick bed. String the immature (green) pods on green thread and wear to help heal sore throats. Placed beneath the pillow, the pods guard against colds. The leaves are also carried for protection. (source unknown) and so begins my BoS/soul journey information on australian plants and their magick! You see, Eucalyptus is indigenous to Australia... I know they grow elsewhere in the world..but they are actually an australian native...(ps - I am healing ..lots of tlc to ME over the past week has turned me from a demented wailing person to one who seems to be back on track...)
right now, I am feeling sad and sorry for myself. I have developed a kind of post radiation recall rash.. well, that is what my oncologist has called it in the past and I am sore. I have to deal with this so am taking a break.. can't say how long. Until I heal and am in a better head space. I need to look after myself. I just want to sit and sob at the unfairness of it all. Oh, I know there are worse of than me.. yadayadayada.. but right now, this is me and I need to deal with it. I need to stop being strong, I need to stop being compassionate unless it is for me and I need to heal. I remember reading a book, back in my catholic days.. called Miracles do Happen by Sr. Breage McKenna. She suffered dreadfully from arthritic feet and oneday, she was praying and pleading that she be healed of this awful affliction and as she prayed she noticed her feet starting to straighten out.... and the healing continued. She was completely healed and was 'told' that she had work to do, to go out and tell people what had happened.... ok.. I believe this did happen but why doesn't it happen to me? Why, when I pray, are my prayers not heard. Why am I not completely healed of all radiation side effects.. restored back to new? Radiation scars disappearing before my eyes?? why? is it because I don't have important work to do in the world? I have no idea... maybe it is because miracles don't really happen (and I am not talking the miracles of everyday life.. where the sun continues to rise or the flowers continue cycles throughout the season..) I am talking miracles that we don't really believe do happen.. like the Sisters healing miracle or the blind person who could see once more or the leper who could walk again... or then there is the belief that I chose this life... well thankyou but Mother earth.. I don't want it anymore.. can I please change it?? I know.. count my blessings.. I have and I am up to 176.... so? I am sore and in pain and I want to give it to the Lord Jesus as he said he would take my burden... come to me all who labour and I will give you rest.. or something along those lines.. maybe he literally meant Labour as in childbirth..well that is me out for that one! anyhow, enough of my ranting.... I have lots to tell when I return.. of our australian flowers and animals.. of childhood memories.. of my life.. but right now.. I am going to go lick my wounds.... maybe that will help cause prayer sure doesn't... (nor does positive affirmations... ha!.. how many times do i have to say that my body is healed and all is well in my world til someone hears??)so after I did this post, I went out to Katoomba and surprise surprise I decided to walk into a health food shop to buy myself some organic chocolate. I got talking to the herbalist there and just recently she has completed a few courses on post radiation treatment.. long term... and sold me some cream to try.. suppose to work wonders... so I bought that and forgot the chocolate... see how confused I am? forgetting chocolate... I was going to take this post down.. cause it was put up in the heat of one of my moments.. but I will leave it here.. yet another stumble in the journey.....so I am not on a break for too long... maybe a minute or two.. or maybe a day... see you soon xo!!
gee, two posts in two days!! but I just had to get it all down! (to 'get this' post, you must read the previous one about the new moon)
Yesterday, I suffered.. I tried to be 'nice' to Joe when he came home, but I still felt frustrated and angry.. so I just said nothing and anyhow, he had done not a thing wrong so why take this all out on him?
After watching Sense and Sensibilities, I went and sat in my Sacred Room to sit in silence, to maybe pull a card and to release anger, grumpiness & bitterness... but as I sat, I wriggled and I fidgeted.. so I gave up and just pulled an animal card which was Magpie.. indicating 'spiritual knowledge and the power that comes with it. True wisdom must be deserved and gathered over a lifetime and embraced as a way of life..it must become a path of the heart, explored with absolute devotion'.. yes, I thought to myself, I kind of do that...then..'we must turn our weaknesses into strengths and our darkest hours into gifts of power.. embark on an expedition to reclaim inner balance and authority'... Magpie is a doorkeeper to other realms, a guardian who lets only those willing to honour the sacred balance between the good and bad,light and dark and feminine and masculine in all things to explore her world..' then it went on to say 'your are being guided to a place of awareness. You are being primed for a deepening of purpose.. magpies arrival heralds an obligatory confrontation of fears & a reshuffling of thoughts.. ' and the funny thing is that yesterday while hanging my washing out, a magpie accompanied me.. wasn't scared on bit and sat on the fence for quite some time while I stirred my comfrey tea.....
then I sat and decided that to clear this angry energy it might be a good idea to strip my altar, leave it bare til sometime in the future and clean up the room.. put books away, pick up scribbled notes and fold blankets up, anointed my feet and hands with Spikenard Oil that was sent to me by someone I love dearly xo and as I anointed I closed my eyes and asked for help.... It was not a very tidy space for a sacred one...and as I put books away, something fell out of one, something I had made a book mark out of... something that made alot of sense to me as I read it...
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi ~
so how is that for being helped from beyond? I had no intention of tidying that room at 10pm last night, no intention at all.
(by the way - the Animal dreaming cards are by Scott Alexander King.. and I can thoroughly recommend them!)
the new moon today in Woodford was at 12.18pm... the day was weird, time kind of stood still.. time didn't seem to rush by as it usually does. The gale that has been blowing even stopped. It was just so eerie. As I was driving along the road, even the traffic had a stillness about it.. like no one was rushing...... I had decided to do a banishment ritual this new moon, with Suzie... lately I have been the proverbial bitter old woman..
angry, at - well, I know not what.. just angry. Grumpy. My Nan would say that I have a 'touch of the SOL's' - of course, I won't translate that as it is not nice. But it seems it is connected to liver.... Funnily enough, while searching for some natural remedies for my poor aching hands, I found an article by Susun Weed, where she asks to make a list of the things that we are sore(upset, angry) about.. so tonight, I will do this in my BoS, my soul journal, I will sit in stillness and try to find where this anger and bitterness is coming from.. I don't like it one bit, but it is like I am possessed by some very odd person who snaps at people for no reason and just has this anger cloud hanging over her...... and I am bitter.. I could be the STAR of the tv show 'Bitter Old Women'.. I had booked myself in for a massage for the new moon and thought this was the perfect time to release any anger that I was holding within me..so when I was there, I just breathed out anger and breathed in Joy.
today, I also cleaned up around my verandah, wrapping myself in layers of clothes against the cold (oh yes, I know some of you think I live in a mild place during winter, but this cold really does chill me right to the bones) and then I lit some Frankincense and Myrrh incense at my door, hung a smoky quartz crystal to banish negativity and hung a bunch of those violets from my door knob... hopefully that will all keep those 'angry spirits' away! I do love to do ancient folklore rituals like this.. kinda connects me to my ancestors in a way.
July came in with a vengeance... gale force winds all night. I lay in bed wondering what was happening to my garden... my energy was scattered and all night i kept having to pull it in. I hate wind and I often wonder what the use of it is.... there must be one. So all night I listened to the wind whistling down the side of my home, hearing trees groaning in the wind.. all the while trying to settle my energies down and snuggling under my vintage comforter trying to block the noise out.
faeryLand has closed.. until December 1st when, here we celebrate Midsummer...so I gather faery magick as I go......
My checkup went well. My oncologist was happy but he still wants to see me each year until I am at 10 years... *sigh* I was hoping for a two yearly ok... but he seems to think it is better to do it this way.. so yearly it is. My results come back in a week or two.
I had a wonderful time at my Gypsy Caravan... the weather was perfect. Cold but a brilliant winter sun. At night, I went to sleep to the sound of the sea pounding on the beach that is across a sand embankment. The stars shone brilliantly and the air was full of sea spray that I could taste on my lips. It cleansed my aura I am sure..I didn't get to walk on the beach.. I wanted to but something stopped me... it was like my soul wanted to rest in the little caravan. I picked up sticks from around our area.. gathering kindling to bring home....
yesterday, the last day of June, I wandered around my garden... autumn leaves amid jonquils and daffodils ~ what on earth is going on??
bees still doing their busy work... we are lucky here, I still have many bees... our winters are mild compared to other places so we have bees all year round. I would love to keep bees, I have looked into it but it is very involved to collect my own honey, so for now, I will plant bee friendly plants and buy my organic honey, locally. It is important to have honey that has not been heat treated. once that happens, all the goodness is gone and you may as well have a spoon full of white sugar. So, next time you are out and about, look out for organic honey..
I know winter has arrived when I see the little violets poking their heads out from their protective leaves..In Macer's Herbal (tenth century) the Violet is among the many herbs which were considered powerful against 'wykked sperytis.'.. I might just pick a bunch and hang by my door...maybe that will keep the 'wykked sperytis' wind away from my garden!
and my irises are blooming... this was yesterday.. I haven't looked this morning to see if the wind has snapped them off...
why is it that early in the morning, when you are in a sleep induced stupor, that you have the most amazing thoughts going through your mind... you have insights that seem so unbelievably profound that you think you have found the meaning of life and you think to yourself, I must get that down.. but your sleep deprived self, turns over, promising to put it into words in the morning... and of course you cannot remember those thoughts when you come back to the real world in the morning at a civilized hour... happens to me all the time and happened this morning... I had thoughts of why I was here. I mean, I actually knew why I had been born in Australia instead of in Cornwall.... but I cannot remember why now.
Eucalyptus: Burnt in the home to protect the health from viruses, disease and plagues. The leaves are used to stuff healing poppets and are carried to maintain good health. To relieve colds, ring green candles with the leaves and pods and burn them to the socket, visualizing the person (or yourself) as being completely healthy. Also hang a small branch or twig of eucalyptus over the sick bed. String the immature (green) pods on green thread and wear to help heal sore throats. Placed beneath the pillow, the pods guard against colds. The leaves are also carried for protection. (source unknown) 
